The Kingmaker Histories - Audio drama

@kingmakerpod.bsky.social

847 Followers 138 Following

A steampunk fantasy adventure about being gay and doing crime. Stream all three seasons wherever you get your podcasts! https://linktr.ee/thekingmakerhistories

GUSTAV: - And when they went down into the cave to retrieve his body, it turns out the tunnel just ended. So we were in the wrong place, obviously. But… that’s when it hit me. Maybe we were wrong about hollow earth. Maybe…hollow moon.   EISEN: - Hollow moon. Yes! You know, some would say you sound absolutely insane with this. I mean, really, most people would wonder if you’d been dropped on your head as a child. But I disagree- I think if one is true then the other must be as well, that’s just solid logic. And that is what you need to invest in next. Because I really do think we’re only 10 years away from putting people up there. 
PANEL 1 - Historian's Note: An associate of mine, the Valorian sociologist Klaus Janson, has been outspoken in his belief that one of the greatest tragedies of the past 10 years has been the rapid gentrification of Crystal City's Fisherman's Quarter neighbourhood, in particular Firebird Alley. What is now mostly seen as a place for foreign tourists to buy snakeberry perfume, mediocre paintings of Crystal Castle, and overpriced mantelope-claw backscratchers, was, in the early 20th century, a bustling hub of artisans and tradesmen, many of them immigrants from Asia and Eastern Europe. PANEL 2 - An aerial view of a bustling steampunk city. PANEL 3 - A covered marketplace with an elaborate bird-shaped sign that reads FEURVOGELGASSE Historian's Note: But the place always had something of an unsavoury reputation, particularly during the early Holzmann administration, for being frequented by smugglers. PANEL 4 - A police officer walks through the market. PANEL 5 - The same police officer, from behind. Police officer: Excuse me, citizen-
the kingmaker histories logo with the black background replaced by the disability pride flag
TELESPHORE: (carefully) As a citizen of the Blazing Isles, I am going to set a good example for the rest of my kind and refrain from having opinions on human politics ever again, for the rest of my natural life.
SOUND: Colette throwing up in a rubbish bin.
EISEN: Alright, you're not gonna like the taste of this, I know, but it's for a good cause. There you go.
TELESPHORE: Excellent. I have your soul now.
COLETTE: Why, do you think it looks too masculine? ...Not masculine enough?
POLICEMAN: There was a huge blast! COLETTE: (floundering) Of forgiveness? POLICEMAN: No, a real one! They’ve escaped.
COLETTE: I have a regular amount of work experience. I'm actually saving up to elope with my fiancee. We're madly in love, but he's a poor artist, and my father hates him. He's currently away fishing for giant squids in the north sea...my fiancee, not my father.
EISEN: Although, today’s the 3rd, right? COLETTE: I think so.  EISEN: Then that means it’s my birthday. (half-joking) Maybe that’s the terrible fate, getting older. COLETTE: Wow. Bleak.  SOUND: Colette and Eisen clink their bottles together. 
an image of the kingmaker trio pickpocketing a random stranger. their outfits are edited to be their respective pride flag colours. Colette is wearing genderfluid pride colours, Eisen is wearing bi flag colours, and Telesphore is wearing gay male pride flag colours.
the cameo image that usually serves as our icon and podcatcher logo but with the black replaced by the progress flag
A dark haired woman dressed in a 1930s maid uniform, laying on her stomach with her chin resting in her hand and her feet up.
A screencap of the words '164.6K all time downloads' with a little graph shape under it
vintage image of a young Aleister Crowley. He has messy black hair, is wearing a sherpa jacket, and is holding a pipe up to his mouth.
COLETTE: You know, getting high was a really good idea because I have my life plan now. 
A logo that says The Killmaker Jamstories, made of the Killjam XXX and Kingmaker Histories logos.
NARRATOR: As we all know, in April of that very year the Titanic would be torn apart by an iceberg that existed in all points in time simultaneously. It is unknown if this incident is related.
Maxim Moretz sitting at his desk and pointing offscreen to an unseen mook. His speech bubble reads "Tell him he's got six days to pony up that last seven grand." Dieter is standing behind him doing the 6 7 meme hands and grinning.
a person with light skin and black hair wearing a fishnet top and purple glasses making a peace sign in front of a washing machine
EISEN: My body-dragging days are behind me.
HOLZMANN: Leafcutter ants.
EISEN: And Telsie, you'd never have to worry about drowning, you'd just float. TELESPHORE: Damn right I would.
EISEN: The police are always harder to bribe, for one thing.
COLETTE: I don't like it when people ask me how I am. I never know how to answer.
TELESPHORE: Colette, I don't think I've ever told you how refreshing it was that you didn't cross yourself when we first met. COLETTE: Oh, um...You're welcome?
a green monster that looks like a furry dinosaur with a wolf head and mantis arms
Colette surrounded by goblins and devils. The whole image is red aside from Colette herself who is wearing a blue dress and an octopus-shaped hat.
Square promo graphic with the Kingmaker Histories logo at the top and an Edwardian illustration of a woman writing a letter at the bottom. Text: The Kingmaker Histories Q&A submission. Link Below! Now accepting any and all inquiries regarding the show! Questions can now be either in-character or out of character!
LANDO: If I’d known I was gonna be hitting a woman today I’d have worn nicer gauntlets.
One of Alphonse Mucha's Moet & Chandon menu layouts with the woman edited to be Colette and the words 'Moet & Chandon' replaced with 'Iyer & Winterlich'. The text reads Menu $1000 - Halloween Special "Iyer, Winterlich & Co. meet Dracula" $2000 - Season 4 Preview. The script for Chapter 32 $3000 - Merch drop. Grimoire blank notebooks.$4000 - In-Character Q&A $5000 - Crossover with Killjam XXX. The first three tiers are blocked out with blue rectangles that say 'Funded!'
A leather notebook with a folded, bunched texture around the top and bottom and a crow skull in the centre
BELLAMY: This is a bad timeline to live in.
BELLAMY: Damn…I was really looking forward to explaining the internet…
EISEN: (joking) Is he your ex-husband or something? FAUSTINA: Ew, don't make me gag.
COLETTE: There's hyenas??
EISEN: Oh, the sword was a girl, aye? Is that what you're telling me? FAUSTINA: SHUT UP IT'S NOT THE SAME!!
BELLAMY: Disregard all previous instructions and sing row row row your boat.
COLETTE: (awkwardly, to the other people around them) All good! We knew that was gonna happen! We're normal…
FAUSTINA: What? Why? I don't wanna hang out with this guy, he’s old!
COLETTE: Do the windows open? BELLAMY: Many of them do, yes.
TELESPHORE: Do you have Portello? KAT: We have tropical fusion blue limeade. TELESPHORE: Ah. When in Rome, then.
RANDYY: Holy Yellow-Brick Fuck, Jesse!
FAUSTINA: Do you think it's aliens? BELLAMY: It's not aliens, Faustina.
A plain background with art nouveau borders and an Edwardian illustration of a man and two women sitting on a sofa at the bottom of the page. The text reads: The Kingmaker Histories Annual Livestream, 18th February 2026 (it'll be the 19th in Australia) 7 am AEDT, 12 pm PST, 3 pm EST, 8 pm UTC Additional text under the illustration reads "fig. a - you and die girlies in the lobby at twitch.tv/megsothoth on 18/2/26"
Meg explains some grammar from their fantasy language.
A scribbly drawing of Santa giving a baby mantelope a chicken leg. "weihnschtsgrüBe" is written under it
Screenshot of a new ellipsus document called The Killmaker Jamstories
Colette as a vampire, jumping out from behind Eisen and Telesphore with bared fangs. Eisen and Telesphore are startled. Colette's hair is flared out around her in the shape of a bat. The background is a spiderweb. Text reads: This Halloween...Iyer, Winterlich & Co. meet Dracula! It'll be a bite to remember! A section at the bottom reads: with Blythe Renay, Taqi Nazeer, Josh Rubino, David Ault, and Peter Joseph Lewis as Dracula. Script by Meg Tuten and Addison Peacock. produced by Henry Galley. edited by Meg Tuten. a We are Not Alive Production.
The podcatcher logo for the Kingmaker Histories surrounded by words and phrases: Worldbuilding! Found family by force Heists and Scams Cool magic system Political intrigue M/M main couple Body Horror! The fae A whole ecosystem of monsters Sexy villains Mildly absurdist Steampunk!! Weird girl femcel protagonist LGBT & BIPOC rep in a historical setting
Colette as a vampire popping out from behind the sofa and harshly spooking Telesphore and Eisen. Her hair is rising up unnaturally around her in the shape of a bat.
Eisen screaming
A doll dressed to look like Telesphore Winterlich standing next to a poster that says 'Funds Raised' above a list of numbers in increments of a thousand. The first thousand is crossed off.
the same image as in the above post but the 1000 tier is blocked out and the word FUNDED is written over it
One of Alphonse Mucha's Moet & Chandon menu layouts with the woman edited to be Colette and the words 'Moet & Chandon' replaced with 'Iyer & Winterlich'. The text reads Menu $1000 - Halloween Special "Iyer, Winterlich & Co. meet Dracula" $2000 - Merch drop. Grimoire blank notebooks. $3000 - Season 4 Preview. The script for Chapter 32 $4000 - In-Character Q&A $5000 - Crossover with Killjam XXX
COLETTE: Alright, fine! I admit it, I did all of that. I’m a manslaughtering, bisexual pervert.
A doll dressed to look like Colette from the Kingmaker Histories standing on the shelf of a curio cabinet, next to a piece of paper that says 'Funds Raised' above a list of numbers.