KJ Charles

@kjcharleswriter.com

16290 Followers 2578 Following

She/her. British European. Purveyor of opinions, rude words, and romance novels, historical and fantasy. USA Today bestselling author of How To Fake It In Society. "Erotically charged"--Good Housekeeping. Death to GenAI. http://kjcharleswriter.com

Battered image of the author photo on a Dennis Wheatley book. He sits at a wooden desk in front of a bookcase filled with the kind of leatherbound books ordered by the yard and never opened. He wears a very ugly sky blue smoking jacket and a black bow tie. there is a lit cigarette smouldering in a saucer and a half full glass of wine with what seems to be a ginger cat sculpted in glass round its stem to hideous effect. The image is intended to look as though he has been interrupted mid-writing. In fact he has the stunned expression of a man who's just been told the police are downstairs and want to know why he put the pension fund on the two o'clock at Aintree.
screengrab of the end of email. "It is of course common practice to treat authors' time and labour as having no value, especially when those authors are women. Unfortunately, my mortgage company doesn't take sandwiches, or indeed exposure, as payment, and therefore nor can I.  Best wishes KJ"
Office Space image of character Michael Bolton saying "why should I have to change my name, he's the one that sucks"
Screengrab of scam email. The email address is "John new york" dot "times books" at yahoo. The advert says "Need a legal advice?"
A griddle pan laden with slices of bloody courgette. Or zucchini if you must
View of a pair of bare feet in the shade in a sunny park
hand drawn political logo in the colour and style of the Reform logo, with a picture of Count Binface's helmet and the words 'Refuse UK' (The Count Binface party)
Lavender bush with bumblebees and honeybees all over
Pudding basin lined with bread, the red juice soaking into it
Whitecurrants, blackberries, loganberries, red gooseberries
Copy editor asks "repetition intentional?" KJ replies, "for once, yes"
grab of copy editor comment to author reading "terrific sentence, I guffawed quite loudly, bravo"
My Britmonkey political views test. 88% woke vs chud, 66% neo luddite vs techbro, 53% doomer vs hopepilled, 84% Davos vs Dubai, my closest match Zohran Mamdani
just the standard con air poster complete with flames, I am too overheated to photoshop.
Train bathroom sticker. 'Period care products are available, please ask one of our colleagues for "a package for a friend".'
A large group of jackdaws on a railway station platform
Heavy cloud just breaking over Lake Windermere, lined with trees
Dales stretching away forever
Rocks, moss, bright trees by the river
Two pints of beer in pub with battered Dales Way guidebook
Stone wall absolutely covered in moss and flowers
Sheep patterned like cows for some Cumbrian reason I guess?
Freaky scarecrow in day glo jacket in field miles from anywhere
Lovely waterlily filled body of water in the dales
Lowering skies over amazing red brick viaduct against dales
Insane view over the dales stretching forever
Ridiculously lovely stone cottage with overflowing garden
Dent Village and Heritage Centre and Museum sign, including along with eg "Coffee Shop" and "Cake", "Slavery & Vampires", and "Terrible Knitters"
Stunning valley under gorgeous blue sky
Beautiful Cumbrian dale with lowering clouds
Dent railway Viaduct, a huge stone thing crossing a picture perfect valley
Stunning vista of Yorkshire dales and old stone walls
Staggeringly lovely Yorkshire dales view
Gorgeous landscape of a river surrounded by mossy stones
Public footpath sign saying The Dales Way, 82 miles
Klimt-ish cover. A strange golden eye with a black pupil lit by a crescent moon, weeping three drops of blood and surrounded by rays. Against a rich night-blue backdrop with a map of London dotted by black stars. Occult, Freemason vibes. 1920s looking font.
Flyer that repeats skeet text
AI-ass-looking picture of a woman in a mustard coloured jumper over, for some AI-ass reason, a white turtleneck.
screengrab of landing site for Audible's new royalty model with woman in jumper
Lengthy description of the 2018 film Mandy, a dark and violent revenge movie.
A double rainbow over a suburban street
A floor set up with laptop, low desk etc, including a comfy floor cushion which is entirely occupied by a cat
Flyer on Union Jack background with covers of Copper Script and How To Fake It In Society, and text saying "UK sale today, 99p"
screengrab of me plus cover of my latest book, appearing Fri 22 May at MCM Comic Con in the Writers Block
Text of book: Full tilt they ran along dull roads, blackish under foot and hedge-bordered with a sullen, craven green. The Plain of York, in all its mediocre dreariness, quickly unrolled itself before them. Adelaide's lips were pursed and dry; she moistened them now and then. She made no attempt to point out landmarks or objects of interest. There were no features to point out. Dull dusty, briony shoots and tendrils of clematis were spread over the hedges like a netted coverlid on a lodging-house bed, neutral tinted nettles carpeted them at the base, and at due and distant intervalsclean, neatly made gates shut off the entry into fields each one like the other. The same kind of stupid, spiritless bird rose up now and again and flew stilly into the bordering fields to alight on some tedious brown furrow that hid the one behind it. Mean clumps of trees that sheltered no possible lover's walk or trysting-place punctuated the road or looked over it here and there.
Screengrab of a comment box in word, asking 'Is this repetition deliberate?' and me replying 'Tragically, no.'
Painting of a young man in a tree offering cherries to a girl holding out her apron beneath him
Stack of books in comfy London book lined basement
In front of a marvellous shelf full of romance, in a dress covered in hearts, because I have no chill
screenshot of seven bookslop emails in spam
Book dedication in terrible handwriting reading "In memory of that great evening we spent nowhere near the bank job. I'm sure you remember that VERY CLEARLY."
Huge stack of How to Fake It in Society
A flowerpot full of my cat
Image of cowslip flowers
The Daily Star front page with Grandad Dementia's AI post of himself as Jesus, the subheading 'Trump backs down in Pope row' and the main headline "You're not the Messiah, you're a very naughty boy"
Lovely Victorian gallery, tiled and the walls jammed with botanical paintings
Another carved memento mori with absolutely gurning skull in a chaos of vertebrae
Room with a strange domed stone ceiling, with tapestries and museum stuff
Mosaic featuring a satyr with a stonking great erection