Kris Straub (كريس)

@krisstraub.com

14285 Followers 440 Following

LOCAL58TV, Candle Cove, All Houses Matter. Cartoonist, presenter, humor scientist. K’thriss on #acqinc, PAX. He/him 🇪🇬

2026 july 11 dreamed that our dog was, in reality, a russian submarine. not a remotely-piloted drone, but crewed. she had decks. officers' quarters. the soviets had disguised their vessel as a 70-pound black lab mix in order to steal state secrets. we would find her in the other room looking at files and documents, the same way you'd catch a dog trying to sneak food off the countertop. "uni, no! off!" upon discovering her real purpose, i waited until my family left the room. i approached her, whispering "i know what you are, and i'm going to the CIA." she whined, but we both knew these ruses would never work again.
henry fuseli drawing. an artist figure, head in hand, distraught in front of a giant sculpture of a foot, a hand, and a huge stone wall
a screenshot from “horse.com” Pronged Training Choke Collar $21.89
screenshot of DEADLINE entertainment news Scott Stuber's United Artists, Steven Spielberg & Amazon MGM Studios Land Next Big YouTube Horror Franchise For Big Screen: 'The Mandela Catalogue' By Anthony D'Alessandro, Justin Kroll July 2, 2026 11:02am
a b&w headshot of me, using a SPECS filter that lets you “try on” the gigantic robo pervert glasses
from reddit: r/technology • 3h Red Lobster CEO Damola Adamolekun Plans To Make The Seafood Chain 'The Most Al-Forward Restaurant Company That Exists'
the cryptoland mascot “coiny,” a shiny gold anthropomorphic coin wearing a bow tie and holding a champagne glass
a blue t-shirt with cadavre lying down as he did in the local58tv video “show for children”
an elcor from mass effect
screenshots from winter olympics closing ceremony, during the performance of an italian opera i don’t recognize. captions read: THOMPSON. GOLD YOUR NOTED BELOW GOLD. OSN+. UN FUTURA SKIMO
IDLE CHAMPIONS OF THE FORGOTTEN REALMS ACQUISITIONS INCORPORATED WINTER HEXBLADE K'THRISS Created by KRIS STRAUB
chainsawsuit comic. a doctor speaks to his patient panel 1: you have stage 4 cancer which is incredible news, for the cancer panel 2: tumors fuel growth and innovation. cancer is all about moving fast and breaking things like, what it we stopper getting in its way! panel 3: who are we to say we know better about cancer's business? i'm just an oncologist
chuck schumer holding an avocado and a corona, circa february 2025
the author, with basically a crew cut
a screenshot of google docs, mobile app Search in Docs Last opened by me Scary stories Jan 2, 2026
fuck AI
the moon
scene from the end of 2001: a space odyssey. the monolith stands at the foot of old dave bowman’s bed as he reaches toward it
closeup of the nutrition facts on the back of a can of smoked trout. INGREDIENTS: TROUT FILLETS, CANOLA OIL, SALT. CONTAINS TROUT. MAY CONTAIN MILK, EGG, SOY, WHEAT, HERRING, TUNA, MACKEREL, SALMON, LOBSTER.
former actor scott baio
photo of a public urinal in a SEATAC restroom. on the ledge, someone has abandoned a hardcover copy of “chasing the dime” by michael connelly
“five for fighting” in the zohran mamdani campaign text treatment
screen recording of an ad from instagram
instagram ad screenshot: startrekfleetcommand TRICK OR TREK NEW HALLOWEEN EVENTS IN GAME
screenshot of “royal kingdom” app, a match-3 game whose ads feature an obnoxiously imperiled king
PAX Aus 2025 kris straub (panel).mp4 (binaural). Fri, Oct 10, 2025 • 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM Location: Quokka Theatre Penny Arcade Make-A-Strip Fri, Oct 10, 2025 • 1:00 PM - 2:30 PM Location: Main Theatre Acquisitions Incorporated: Pirate Borg Fri, Oct 10, 2025 • 8:30 PM - 10:30 PM Location: Main Theatre
(a screenshot from the horoscope app CO-STAR) YOUR DAY AT A GLANCE You're as great as you think you are. Stop apologizing for taking up space. Your wins weren't accidents. Your talent isn't luck. The voice whispering "who do you think you are?" belongs to someone else's insecurity, not your reality.
the seal for the fictional “united states department for the preservation of american dignity” from local58tv
vintage paperback book cover. “THE PARASITE TRANSCENDENT” by t. galbraith. from panoptica press.
Kris Straub at PAX WEST 2025 I'M IN BANDLAND SUMMIT LEVEL 3 (near Arcade Freeplay) (product images, left to right: NEW PIN FORENSIC SEANCE, CRYPTID STICKER SHEET, LOCAL58 PATCH) Schedule: SATURDAY 12 PM Jackbox Party PAX 1 Blue Dragon Theatre (Summit Level 5) SUNDAY 10 PM KRIS STRAUB: A CELEBRATION OF PANEL ATTENDANCE FIREBIRD Theatre (Summit Level 5) MONDAY 2 PM Jackbox Party PAX 2 Blue Dragon Theatre (Summit Level 5)
tim and eric’s weird arms-down running style from “tim and eric’s billion dollar movie” (2012)
cover of late 1960s paperback “21 Great Stories.” text follows: 21 GREAT STORIES THE PEARL BY JOHN STEINBECK WAR by Luigi Pirandello EVE IN DARKNESS by Kaatje Hurlbut THERE WILL COME SOFT RAINS by Ray Bradbury TOBERMORY by "Saki" THE TWO BOTTLES OF RELISH by Lord Dunsamy FOOTFALLS by Wilbur Daniel Steele HOOK by Walter Van Tilburg Clark WINE ON THE DESERT by Max Brand THE LADY OR THE TIGER by Frank Stockton AN OCCURRENCE AT OWL CREEK BRIDGE by Ambrose Bierce THE CASK OF AMONTILLADO by Edgar Allan Poe THE TELL-TALE HEART by Edgar Allan Poe SO MUCH UNFAIRNESS OF THINGS by C. D. B. Bryan THE NECKLACE by Guy de Maupassant TO BUILD A FIRE by Jack London LEININGEN VERSUS THE ANTS by Carl Stephenson VELINE by James Joyce THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY by James Thurber WHAT STUMPED THE BLUEJAYS by Mark Twain THE ADVENTURE OF THE SPECKLED BAND by Arthur Conan Doyle Edited by Abraham H. Lass and Norma L. Tasman
L to R: the three members of girlyman, and myself, at a show they did in dallas 2009
4. At 3pm begin to drink solution (DO NOT START THE MEDICATION ANY EARLIER). One 8 oz. Glass every ten minutes until you drink half the gallon. You will get diarrhea. 5. At 7pm begin to drink solution again (DO NOT START THE MEDICATION ANY EARLIER). One 8 oz. Glass every ten minutes until you drink the remaining half the gallon. You will get diarrhea, possibly nausea and vomiting.
screenshot of a bluesky account, the bio reads: Tom from Myspace (Parody) Follows you @myspacetom2003.bsky.social This is 100%a PARODY account. Education: University of California, Berkeley University of California, Los Angeles On a mission to follow ALL BlueSky members. Send me your starter pack links so I can follow all of you. I am the ultimate lurker.
a screenshot from LOCAL58TV’s “show for children.” cadavre looks thoughtfully up above an open grave, at the apparition of catrina, a skeleton person like himself. she wears a long dress with short sleeves, and has a bone “bow” on her head.
ad for “universal horror unleashed” featuring a woman doing acrobatics and a huge pissed clown face
a screenshot of an ad on instagram featuring what is apparently called a “sankey diagram.” the large text reads You're Not Bad With Money. You Just Haven't Sankey'd🦋 Yet.
a screenshot from the linked aftermath.site article on polygon: In a statement in the press release by Jim Bankoff, CEO of Polygon's former owner Vox, Bankoff says, "This transaction will enable us to focus our energies and investment resources in other priority areas of growth across our portfolio of iconic digital publications and audio/video programming, while enabling Valnet to grow their leadership and authority in the gaming information category."
the sexy handwritten “covid-19” from whitehouse.gov
black and white image of me in very low light, hair up like the main character in eraserhead
text replacement shortcut on ios: Phrase i wouldn't be surprised if we never heard from denise richards again Shortcut (denise)
the coin man from cryptoland, his mouth geometry clipping into itself
May 4, 2021 at 8:37 PM audio only: a man screaming bloody murder, followed a beat late by a modest laugh from a studio audience
chainsawsuit comic. panel 1: first person holds up a newspaper with the headline “NAZIS PAY ME TO BE A NAZI” and asks the second person “why would you let yourself be recorded saying this” second person says “i was joking!! i can't joke about controversy??” panel 2: second person makes nazi salute and continues “‘heil hitler!’ that's a joke too, sheesh. lighten up” panel 3: second person is revealed to be wearing full nazi regalia, near a heroic bust of hitler and a giant swastika flag. they continue: “everything we’re doing is just jokes you don't get”
iOS screenshot of a google search for “horror story town fighting giant” google AI returned the following text before showing any search results: Al Overview: The town of Hollow Creek had always been quiet, nestled in the shadow of the ancient, mist-shrouded mountains. But the quiet was shattered on a blood-red dawn when a colossal figure, a giant with skin like weathered rock and eyes that glowed like embers, emerged from the fog, casting a monstrous shadow over the sleeping village. The first to spot the giant was young Sarah, a farmhand who was out tending to the chickens when she saw a movement in the distance that seemed to defy all sense of scale. As the creature lumbered closer, the townsfolk realized the nightmare was real. The giant, with each thunderous step, crushed houses, uprooted trees, and sent a wave of terror through Hollow Creek.
map showing many many red and orange power outage symbols across seattle
an instagram ad for bounce dryer sheets. a man holds the product with the caption “*slams dryer shut ’til next sunday*”
kornacki looking at his desk and moving slightly
50 seconds of the kornacki vote count
a chainsawsuit comic. panel 1: a voter holds a ballot and pen proudly, checkmarks and stars around him. a voice says “vote! VOTE! it’s up to you! you got this!” panel 2: behind the voter is a cozy bed with a man fast asleep. this sleeping man is labeled “every conceivable check and balance in american government” panel 3: the sleeping man says “mm don’t do a bad job”
a brown/orange painting of trevor henderson’s siren head (@slimyswampghost.bsky.social)
external of a world’s fair-like moderne building, featuring a geodesic lattice structure
mashing the communicator
the author, on a plane, purposely wall-eyed
bedeviled eggs
ernest p worrell
Celebrating 10M users #47,215