KVBA

@kvba.bsky.social

465 Followers 479 Following

maker of stuff, stuffer of makes 🇵🇱, 23 i make music! trance, ambient, house, anything electronic really i also write code! odin, go, c#, c, glsl

a screenshot of a fragment of FL Studio's playlist, with one of the tracks called "bongers"

a bowl of penne with chicken, stir fry veg, and teriyaki sauce

a discord direct message from Bill "Microsoft" Gates reading "computer"

a surprised emoji saying "Holy Moly!"

Team Fortress 2 chat:
- War
- War never changes
- But men change
- trasgernder

Happy 2016
Pou

2025 is ending

this felt like the most difficult year of my life so far. with everything
surrounding my personal life, my familly affairs, and all happening at uni.
and so far it's not looking like it will get any easier. but maybe it doesn't
need to.

2025 definitely made me stronger mentally. i learned more about caring for
others around me. i've met a lot of cool, kind, creative people.

of course, i've had a fair share of depressive episodes as well. and i still
can feel it linger inside. it's just activating at different times.

i've had ups and downs during this year, p much like a lot of people around me.
2026 will bring new challenges to my life. and im ready to take them.

i hope your 2026 will be at least tiny bit better than 2025

and to all of you who decided to stick around, i couldn't thank you enough.
seriously, you're the best. much love <3 <3 <3

-K

I'm kinda tired of male company.
And it's nothing against men. Shit, I'm a man myself.
It's just that for the past 20 or so years most of the people I've interacted with were men. And talking to my girl colleagues feels a bit... refreshing?
It probably sounds a bit sad on a second thought, but I genuinely feel better when talking to women than men recently. And I say it sounds sad because I phrased it like it's some sort of great discovery, which it very much is not. I just like girls more. And the fact that I'm saying this stems purely from the environment I chose and had chosen. There have never been many girls in my class in school, there aren't many girls right now in uni, and the online circles I'm active in also are male-dominated.
So yeah, that's that. Sorry lads.

Sometimes I feel like I deliberately make myself feel sad all the time.
I don't know where it comes from. It's just that whatever the situation may be, my brain finds a way to put my morale down. As if it was the only emotion I'm supposed to feel.
And I know that it's ok to be sad. It's just that I think that whatever my brain is doing is quite a stretch.

I've noticed that I cope with loneliness way worse than before.
It's a quite crushing feeling. This cold you feel in your soul, not in your body. This desolate, empty vacuum that sucks in all light. It's scary.
The reality is that, as cool as I might portray myself online, I'm a quite boring person IRL. I hardly hang out with anyone, I only see my friends when I'm in uni. And it's the last semester, so there's pretty much no time to hang out anymore.
I need to find a better way of coping with it. I do not expect anyone, nor do I envision anyone, that they'll be close to me at all times. It hurts, and it hurts greatly, but at this point I don't think a lot will change soon. I feel like I'm repulsive, like people don't want to be near me, like they only interact when they need something from me, like I'm not worthy of their time.
Maybe I'm too clingy, and forcing myself away from people to not cause any trouble. Maybe I'm jealous, for whatever reason. Maybe I'm thinking about it too much, but it's hard not to notice this much pain.

a bottle of chipotle barbecue sauce (saus)

a red fish lying on the floor

a screenshot of fl studio's playlist, with 909 drum track, and two automation clips controlling the mix of 2 compressors. when one clip is set to 100%, the other is set to 0%, and vice versa.

my supper:
a poppy seed bagel with ham and honey mustard, and a serving of salad (lettuce, tomato, red onion, sweet corn, jalapeños, all encased in yoghurt-based garlic sauce)

quote rt this with how intimidating YOU think you are on a scale of 1-10 and let other ppl reply to it with how intimidating THEY think you are

album cover for "I Love My Computer" by Ninajirachi