Lewis (Cross Stitch Colouring Books)

@lewiswhatshisname.com

463 Followers 300 Following

I have no idea what I'm doing. Old. Queer. He/him. 300 year old vampire. Cross stitch patterns and more: https://crossstitchcolouring.etsy.com

A shot of a masonry building beside an empty street. The windows reflect an almost acid-green sky, while the trees and bricks are all various shades of pink and purple. No sign of curses here either.
A photograph of an empty Mountain Dew can in some scrubby, over-grown grass. The colours are all wrong. The can is purple and dark teal, and all the grass is sort of pinky and purple as well. It's a false-colour film stock that makes the colours look real, rather than having a photoshop filter put over it. It is a totally un-cursed photo otherwise.
A deceptively dark photo, from the perspective of a person getting a tattoo on their leg. The photographer is wearing red and black bowling shoes, and is getting a jellyfish on his shin. The tattoo artist is wearing bright purple gloves, and has his scalp tattooed There's a lot of stuff going on behind him, but none of it is lit or in focus. Only what's under the bright LED panel is lit. Mostly, that means the tattoo artist, and the leg being tattooed.
A photograph of quite a lot of nothing. A paper Burger King cup almost shines for how bright it is against a sea of black. In reality, it's sat against a telegraph pole, in the grass. That's not very apparent though. There's a white pipe next to the telegraph pole. Taking up the right side of the frame is a red advertising flag. The entire photo is full of dust and scratches and stuff.
A photo of a half eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The bread is super chunky bread for making french toast, the grape jelly, and the peanut butter that really greasy natural shit. Crunchy, natch.
An almost totally pitch black void, with a few distant (and very smudged) pin pricks of light. This contrasted with the audio might suggest it's two separate clips smashed together. It is not. This was unc and his wife getting their shit together.
My legs, and a peep of the shorts I have chosen to wear. The rainbow harlequin pattern is weirdly distorted under this light.
The stairs in question, viewed straight on, are at an absurd angle from above. They are an ADA disaster. But we are out in the middle of nowhere, so you make do.
A big, black mastiff-looking dog.
A photograph of a horseshoe pit in the woods. The scene is bathed in green tungsten light that fucks with my phone's sensor. These photos have not been edited, but are also not in real colour. I am not, in fact, shooting in IR.
Photo of a wide sidewalk in front of a row of crumbling art deco buildings. The ground spaces are retail. The first and second floors are apartments. The nearest shop is a pet shop. Beside it is a hotel, identified as such by an ancient, non-functioning neon light. There's a little awning thing over the front that's got a hole in it. That hole leads into an empty space in the building, where all the bats seem to have made a home.
On a lap desk, sits a Pentax MG camera. Obviously broken is the rewind knob. It's so broken as to be missing entirely. Also broken is the shutter button. The damn thing keeps falling off. But that's why there's an open pack of JB Weld Plastic Bond, smeared in mixed epoxy, sat right next to the camera. If that button falls off again I am going to hurl the whole thing into the sun.
What appears to be a very wide panorama exposure. It is a panorama exposure, but closer to like, two and a half of them. The frame is entirely black, save for little pinpricks of light. If you squint, you can sort of make out what some of the blobs of light are. The traffic lights that are all three colours are my favourites, I think.
Photo taken from the passenger seat of a car. The road ahead curves off to the right. Along the opposite side, heading toward the camera, is a line of cyclists.
The camera in question. It's unnecessarily large for near as I can tell, no significant gain over using 120/620 film. The bellows look kind of fucked from the outside, but early testing suggests they're pretty much intact. Maybe a few pin pricks, but if I wanted perfect quality I wouldn't be looking in antique shops. It's banged up to all hell on the outside, but all of the moving parts are very smooth. I have modern cameras that stick more than this thing does.
Another adjoining set of cursed-ass frames. The frame on the left was taken in the dark. There's a glass and copper bird feeder hanging right in the centre of frame, reflecting quite a lot of light. There are several trees behind it, and with all the purple smudgy stuff everywhere, it kind of looks like odd leaves. Somewhere in the far background, a dome light in shining. If one squints, the window on someone's front door is almost visible. The second frame was taken in a covering parking spot. The walls have been all messed up. In the top left is a reflective sticker with the number 6 on. On the right side is a door with only a deadbolt lock. There's a panel of white paper missing from the prefab wall. On it, in white chalk, is a face like =O, but the right way up, and a hand with three fingers. It's meant to be someone waving. Below is written 'hello.' The harsh flash from the camera has framed the drawing in a dark vignette.
Two frames from a half-frame camera, presented as they appear on the roll. The first frame is a big, black building, with a black door and a black rail along the black steps. In the upper left corner, there is a sliver of greenish-grey sky. There are red festoon lights along the edge of the roof. On the door, the word 'FOE' is written in bright green letters, followed by 'Crossfit,' which is only outlined in green. Underneath, it says 'Finish on time.' The frame next to it has more of the greenish grey sky. A chainlink fence is kind of visible, mostly showing up in reflecting light from the flash, and black shadows. There are several rows of barbed wire on top of the fence. On the other side, long, twisted brambles are reaching for the sky. Across the entire photo are white flecks of something, with violet halos. There are similar violet streaks along the bottom of the entire strip. One might wonder what the hell I was doing putting 50D into a shitcam like ektar, and then taking it out in a storm. I'm sort of wondering that too.
A photo of some pinkish blossoms on a twiggy tree, placed in front of a cloudless sky. The blossoms have dark, purplish splotches on the tips of the petals. I have no idea what kind of tree this is. Harsh light from the setting sun makes the petals almost unreasonably bright. The funkiness of 800T being used in daylight have made the petals look like they're kind of glowing pink. Branches and leaves cut into the photo at varying levels of focus.
A photo of a row of protestors, stood beside a (currently) empty street. There are five? of them? Maybe six? It's quite difficult to tell, because this photo is so fucked up it's ridiculous. A giant yellow smudge of light sits right in the centre of it. More takes up a considerable amount of the upper right quadrant. The camera this was shot with has a frankly obscene amount of light leak. There are scratches and holes everywhere, partially because I am bad at avoiding them, but mostly because I developed these a year ago and after I never managed to get a single image off them I chucked them on a shelf and forgot about them. If you can see through that mess, the colours are all way too purple and green. It also has a whole bunch of squiggly lines all over, from where the developer chemicals decided to froth up on me just for the lulz I guess. All of this is in addition the left and bottom edges being much darker from the majority of the image, and some staggeringly large newton rings.
A black and white photograph of two buildings. Somehow they both manage to be the same shade of grey as the sky. If it weren't for shadows and building trim, they would be invisible.
A photograph of a shopping trolley in an alley. It's next to a giant green rubbish bin. The photo is kind of black and white, except it's all sort of tinted violet. There's a strip of grass that's bright purple, along with a painted kerb. A reddish-orange SUV is parked nearby. It's bright enough to be a distraction. Other cars in frame are white, but their red tail lights are also vibrantly coloured.
A photograph of a little red dog wearing a blue harness. It's looking up, eyes half shut and tongue sticking out. It kind of looks like it's smiling. In a break from tradition, this photo is one that doesn't look like it spent six months in a trash heap.
Scans of the same film. They're like, a really nasty redscale. But this was not a redscaled roll. My scanner just shat its pants at the challenge of scanning this stupid film stock.
A screen shot of Epson's scanner software. I've set the scanner up for positive slides, and than have reversed the curve to make the negatively-scanned film positive for realsies. For whatever reason, the scanner has decided to bisect several frames. Probably because the base is bright fucking purple.
Preview frames from a scanner. Aside from some film advance issues, the photos have actually scanned properly. They look all weird, in the way this sort of film is supposed to make things look.
A black and white photo of a lake. It's full of dust and scratches, and very dark and moody, but not in a deliberate way. Despite only wispy clouds in the sky, it looks sort of underexposed.
A black and white photograph of four pairs of shoes hanging from power lines. The quality is appalling. Light leak, and holes everywhere, uneven exposure, grainy as hell. The top bit is under exposed while the bottom is massively over-exposed. It looks like something from a nightmare.
A poorly-cropped photograph of the green Sinclair dinosaur, standing in front of the same petrol station. There's a bit of light leak going right over his face. He's wearing a colourful lei, a matching flowery headband, and pink flamingo sunglasses.
A photo of the sky, framed by a tree canopy. It's one of those long exposure iPhone photos, which have some weird filter on them, so the colours all look a bit suspect. Weirdly, the trees make an only slightly distorted shape of Texas. The whole thing comes together in a way that makes the photo look almost like a bad photoshop. But it's just the iPhone behaving normally.
A large cross stitch project. The red hand and foot of a red eyed tree frog can be clearly made out gripping a tiny branch. The whole thing's been stitched rather oddly, kind working from the top left corner to the bottom right. The vaguest hint of his face can be made out.
Photo of an cat. The cat exists as an orange smear on the left side of frame. Because he decided to chew on my phone while I was trying to take his photo.
A jaunty little figure of a ghost. The sort that are just a floating bedsheet with black eyes. He's been painted a vaguely blue colour, with solid black eyes. He gets a brighter white around his head, and sits on a solid black base. The shading is weirdly bright, but it's also displayed under a harsh, bright white light.
Patatas the Taskmaster cat. He's wearing little surgical booties, a wrist band with his name on, and bandages wrapped around him.
A close up photo of a small space between the animal hide and the glass. Wedged between is an old broccoli stalk, tangled up in the spider plant. Approximately eight isopods are face-down, arse-up into the broccoli. Even under the pink light, they are slightly different shades, each. In reality, they range from dark grey to dark gold, with the odd black and white spotted one.
An isopod tank. There's a ceramic animal hide that looks like a hollow log near the front of the glass. A spider plant in the far corner has gone absolutely insane. Branches have crawled all over, popping up new sprouts all over the place. The ground is covered in stringy moss, and there are several large, jagged rocks in the background. An actual hollow log, broken into several pieces, is propped up against one such rock on the right of frame. Laid out on top of the animal hide are four large, vibrantly pink blossoms. The colour of them is highly suspect, however, as the entire tank is lit by an aggressive shade of fuchsia. (The flowers are, in fact, pink.) Oddly, there is not a single isopod visible in frame. Which is a shame, really. They've got quite large and are usually out on their important bug business.
A stack of fabric dyed to assorted gem tones. There are a variety of different thread counts. On top of the photo is a cartoon badge with the text 'Aida + more!'
A grumpy old man ironing pieces of brightly-coloured fabric.
A new cross stitch project. Blue fabric is stretched on the frame, with a slightly darker blue grid drawn on it. There are two needleminders on the project: one is a Frog Mario sprite, and the other is a goat in the style of House Stark. Below, on my lap, is a small organiser. It's full of yellows and browns. Somehow, this will turn into an orange clownfish.
A wooden table, with a leather-bound journal. The sort that's been loosely bound with cords and has pages randomly stuffed into it. Like that, but modern and cheap and crap. Next to the journal is a generic playing card. The number '55' is written across the back in sharpie.
A video, about 20 seconds long. A number of isopods are exploring a damp little cave, lit from inside from the back. It's all very pink. There's moss on the ground, and seeds littered all over the place. A number of isopods are skittering about on the wood and stone walls of the cave, looking for food.
A badly framed photo of a traditional style pigeon tattoo. There is an arrow going through the pigeon's head.
Photo of a tattoo booth wall. It is full of flash sheets and horror/80s/90s memorabilia. In the middle is a neon sign that reads 'Tattoos by Johnny.
Post Image
A photo of the tank without lights. Visible is a small log hide, a mutant spider plant, and their meal. The new substrate is a lighter, richer shade of brown compared to the dark compost beneath.
A selection of paint pigments and additives, in a variety of colours
A cross stitch sampler in a bright, graffiti-style font. The words, in blue, yellow, and white, read 'Deny, Defend, Depose.' It has a pink heart border, and silver sparkles blinging up the text.