Handsome Bigfoot Lawyer

@lighterfandango.bsky.social

6051 Followers 694 Following

I am not a lawyer. Nor am I a bigfoot. Handsome is subjective. Also I drank all the throwing wine

Old lady has fallen in the bathroom and needs help in a commercial from 1989. Apparently, this is actually a commercial for LifeCall, which predates Life Alert, but I think I mostly remember parodies of it more than I remember the commercial itself, and the parodies often conflated the two companies, so I never even knew about LifeCall. Much the way I watched the Tiny Toons parody of Sunset Boulevard like a decade before having any idea what they were parodying and then when I finally saw the original I said, "wait, this is just ripping off that Tiny Toons episode" and had to remind myself, "no, actually, things existed before you were aware of them them also." See what you learn when you start researching stuff for a dumb bit on the internet?
David Monn, the event planner who planned the second Trump inauguration and who just seems like he sucks so bad
Tolstoy looking like a straight GILF
Giant Uber alert saying "keep rides affordable" with a "take action" CTA, which is just an auto-filled email to your NYC rep that's like "hey, lower uber's regulations."
A screenshot of the worst Battletoads level. You could time your jumps what certainly felt like perfectly, and still lose every single one of your lives to a pit that had no business being there, or a huge rock pillar that came out of absolute nowhere
Just an unreadable recording of a computer screen showing (I think?) visual basic, recorded on the cellphone of a man I would never razz like this if I didn't like him as much as I do, and didn't think he'd take it as good naturedly as I mean it
Bluesky message saying you need to verify your age before you can read DMs, presumably to specifically stop Drake and James Franco
Spam Telegram that reads "You've got the strength to handle today" and thank you, you're right, I do
Sniffies chat reading: Me: Thanks, yours too [he'd complimented my photos]. What are you into? Him: Straight. I fuck women for money mostly. Chat on here with guys when I'm horny Me: Gotcha
Me texting someone "I think is a good idea, I'm excited about it. I've also had three espresso martinis, so maybe it's dumb" (it's not. It's a good idea, he said, 3.5 espresso martinis in)
Word search on the back of a bag of Pirate Booty that asks you to "Help Crunchy find the words." The first word is "hugs," which is also just the first 4 letters of the grid from left to right
Duke Cannon and Raw Men bodywash
Garfield and Heathcliff standing next to each other
"The Fuck Tree is a sessile oak tree on West Hearth on Hampstead Heath in North London. it is located in an established gay cruising area. It is noted for it's prostrate trunk which facilitates gay sex" - Wikipedia
A whiskey ginger on the judge's table for the Mx Rockbar event I was a judge at. Also on the table: an itinerary, the final bullet point of which is "GET DRUNK" which I did
What it says, someone is shouting for help from the police (he was explicitly shouting "help! Police!" before I started filming. In the video I think he's just shouting "911") while a cop looks and decides not to do anything about it. I stopped filming because he started looking at me
Jean Claude van Damme jumping up and grabbing a ceiling pipe to deliver a vicious double kick to a beloved hockey mascot
Small part of The Garden of Earthly Delights, depicting music notation being written on a man's naked ass
Natural Harvest, A collection of semen-based recipes By Paul "Fotie" Photenhauer
Daniel David Palmer. He looks like the epitome of a man who we would have politely called "touched" at the time he was alive. His eyes are haunted and sallow and he stares off into the distance like he sees something that he can't remark on because he's almost certain no one else can see it. His beard is an unkempt rats' nest. You can't see his mouth through his wild beard, but it looks like he might be clenching his jaw shut to avoid shouting about whatever it is he can see that the rest of us can't
Gay man who saw his tits, gently cradled by a waffle tee and accented by some very flattering lighting, in the bathroom mirror and said, "this must be shared with the world"
The same picture op posted
Laura Ingraham looking at the Presidential Walk of Fame sign like she's about to be sick
+ A most-ages PLURity Ball where you can take the pledge, be a pledge, take it again, tally ‘em up, and even pledge it back out in front of all your pledged-in girlitas. + A sacred opportunity to pass the moral keys to her heart to a culturally appropriate and ever still potent phantom mascaline surrogate dad swinging from the rafters in the mancave upstairs, who can scare her precious spirit straight. + A foot-riding waltz-a-thon across that ever-shifting threshold to wxmynhood, creating memories that, like it or not, last a lifetime in her delicate, forming soul. Testifies one actually-existing dad: “Her whole being absorbs my loving attention. She thinks: My daddy thinks I'm beautiful in my own unique way. My daddy has taken time to be silly and learn the fox-trot. My dad really loves me!" When the culture lures our daughters to a mattress on the floor, or leaves her self-worth stranded in murky tradewaters trying to fill all sorts of primarily spiritual voids, how firm will your example cordially have been? Will she know that getting back at dad’s replacement will not itself change her world?
Gay man holds up his phone to take a picture of his outfit so that he post it to the internet for attention
Guy is folding towels and another guy comes in and goes "hey, folding towels?" And the other guy goes "yeah" and the first guy grabs a towel out of his hand and goes "how 'bout not" and then the first guy goes "excuse me, I have to fold these towels" and then they make out
Image of Gwenyth Paltrow saying "I wish you well" to that guy who sued her
Grindr profile edit page where I've edited my profile text to say "looking to take someone's load to celebrate our new mayor"
The Vigo the Carpathian painting, from Ghostbusters 2. He's a nasty, big forehead-ed tyrant from 500 years ago whose spirit came out of a painting and sought to possess a baby so he could continue ruling forever and cover NYC in negative emotions and pink slime
Man on the subway with a penis hat with testicles where his chin is. Like I say in the post, I magic erased his face, but the hat originally framed his face, and he was asleep. Who knows where he'll end up, dressed like that?
Me in my Max costume, trying to hide my dick with a fanny pack I'm using to keep my money, etc. It has only made it worse
Me dressed as Max from Where the Wild Things are. I'm not gonna lie, I'm nervous riding the subway in this because my bulge is, like, very there
The girl with big titties