Malcolm Schmitz

@malcolmschmitz.bsky.social

2300 Followers 6123 Following

Author, artist, game dev. Querying middle grade trans thieves; writing adult short fic about lacemaking orcs, nebbish unicorns, trans sky captains, and more. Half of VaporwaveGothic Studios; worked with Black Chicken Studios and small indie teams.

An image of a lion-centaur fighting Sulak, the ancient Mesopotamian toilet demon. The lion-centaur is a man from the head to the human waist, which is connected to a lion's body sans neck. It has four legs and a tail. Sulak looks rather like a cross between a crocodile and a pig, with a spiny little mane and a pug-like face. He's potato-shaped. I love him.
An image of a lion-centaur fighting Sulak, the ancient Mesopotamian toilet demon. The lion-centaur is a man from the head to the human waist, which is connected to a lion's body sans neck. It has four legs and a tail. Sulak looks rather like a cross between a crocodile and a pig, with a spiny little mane and a pug-like face. He's potato-shaped. I love him.
Text from a paper about Mesopotamian toilets and plumbing: Later cultures of the Near East and Europe perpetuated this ancient anxiety of a demon in the lavatory (Stol 1993: 76). Joann Scurlock even proposes to find a far-eastern "equivalent (with sex change) for the Mesopotamian Sulak, räbisu of the lavatory, in the Korean 'toilet maiden'. (106). The similarity lies only in place of residence, however, for in Korea the Toilet Maiden's function is protective, "guarding against the prédations of evil spirits" (Grayson 20) Her role finds a closer parallel in the benign demon enlisted to oppose Sulak, who now makes his entrance. Unsurprisingly the Babylonians sought, by magic means, to drive Sulak and other demons out of the lavatory, and prevent their return. Among the various apotropaic figurines that could be buried in the foundations of a house, in order to keep wicked and evil powers outside, were lion centaurs. A passage of a Standard Babylonian prescriptive text describes how this benign monster could be enlisted to guard the lavatory (12): [A long string of Babylonian text] Clay figurines of Lion Centaurs: you write on their sides: "You shall bar the way of the Upholder-of-Evil. You bury them at the doorway of the lavatory, left and right.
An image from Hydeaway, an indie game in an 8-bit pixel style. A black-haired man is standing in front of a desk; there are papers on the floor and desktop. At the bottom of the screen, there's a dialogue box labeled "Hyde"; the talksprite is the black-haired man, who has red eyes and is wearing a white shirt. He's frowning. HYDE: Hey. Hey, Jekyll. Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Picture of text from a silent film, reading: "Not until the history of this war is written shall we realise the wonderful work of the officers and men of our Medical Staff."
A medieval sluice gate built into a bridge below a grand building with towers. This is a photograph of a real place, and it shows.
A cute, whimsical miniature of a 'medieval' fantasy water mill. It's definitively not trying to be realistic- the roofs are sloped like something out of World of Warcraft, and everything is run down but in an Appealing way.
A book cover for "The Unicorn's Beard" by Malcolm Schmitz. The cover is designed to look like a medieval manuscript, and features two illuminated illustrations of slightly wonky unicorns. In the first picture, a shifty-looking maiden is holding a unicorn who looks a bit like a constipated muppet; in the second, a unicorn that looks a bit goatlike poses on a red background.
Code from NPPS4.
The cover of I'M AFRAID YOU'VE GOT DRAGONS by Peter S. Beagle. A large, brown dragon with a crocodilian head flies outside a castle.
The cover of CHRYSALIS by Malcolm Schmitz- a circuit board that's covered in monstrous insects.
The cover of THE SPINDLE OF FATE by Aimee Lim. An anime-esque illustration of a girl, rendered in shades of yellow. She's holding a staff and surrounded by red spider lilies.
The cover image for HOMICIPHER. A black haired, ghostly-looking man hovers above the game's title, which is covered in blood.
The cover of The Girl with the Silver Eyes by Willo Davis Roberts. A light-haired, light-skinned girl with silver eyes reaches for a red apple.
The cover of THE LUMBERING GIANTS OF WINDY PINES by Gabe Netz. A dark-haired, light-skinned girl in a wheelchair and a dark-haired, bespectacled, dark-skinned girl are traveling down a path in the woods. It's dark, and the girl with glasses is using her phone as a flashlight. In the foreground, in the darkness where the girls can't see, a couple of creepy imps lurk, waiting for them.
Young stop-motion Santa climbing down the chimney- with city guards and the Burgermeister waiting for him!
Young Rankin-Bass Santa dancing with the Winter Warlock.
An image of stop-motion Rudolph, overlaid with the text "deviation from the norm will be punished unless it is exploitable".
An image of the download progress bar from Vortex, showing that my current mod list is at 29% downloaded.
The book cover of An Opposite Reaction, by Malcolm Schmitz- a dwarven castle floating in an air bubble in space.
An image of an RPGMaker game. A large, bald man looks at the screen. In the dialogue box, it says "Beef no think any information delivered through parrot duet can be THAT important."
The cover of An Opposite Reaction by Malcolm Schmitz. A dwarf fortress is carved out of an asteroid. It hovers in the void of space, surrounded by an air bubble. A few asteroids tumble around it. The sun is in the far distance.
A picture of an old man who looks vaguely like Colonel Sanders, with a prominent moustache and beard and a Western outfit. The man is holding a stick of dynamite and has just shot a pistol; it's still smoking. A BUNCH of unseen people are pointing guns at him from offscreen. The text on the cover says: Detective DIME NOVELS, April 1940. Step Up a Little Closer, Folks! Step right up and meet Dr. THADDEUS C. HARKER. Harker's Health Hints are a Headache for Hunted Hoods! A startling new detective series by Edwin Truett
The book cover of An Opposite Reaction by Malcolm Schmitz. A dwarf fortress is carved out of an asteroid. Surrounded by an air bubble, it floats through the void of space.
A pixel families pixel sprite of Castiel from Supernatural.
A selection of Homestuck ministrife sprites, made by Feastings. All the alpha and beta trolls, as far as I can tell at a glance, are represented. As is John Egbert, for some reason.
Ahiru and Mytho from the anime Princess Tutu. They're anime characters rendered in an early 2000s style, with big expressive eyes and simple shapes. Ahiru is a red-haired, light-skinned girl with a prominent ahoge; she's dressed as Princess Tutu, in a white feathery ballet tutu, with a crown and a feathery headpiece. Mytho is a white-haired, light-skinned boy; he's dressed in a black Renaissance-ish tunic and white ballet tights. They're posed as if they're dancing together, with Ahiru leaning on Mytho and doing a fancy ballet kick.
The Kindle Best-Sellers Rank for The Cats and the Cockatrice, showing it at #94 for Low Fantasy.
A promotional image from Walden Pond Press about The Creepening Of Dogwood House, by Eden Royce. "A kid-friendly scary story that includes a quest for answers, a confrontation with a monster, and a house that transforms to reveal family secrets after dark", they quote from The Horn Book. The image also shows the cover of The Creepening Of Dogwood House- Roddie, a dark-skinned boy with braided black hair and simple clothes, is standing on the porch of a creepy old house. He's approaching the door, which is open... and black hair, in huge hanks, is spilling out. The image is tense and ominous.
The cover art from To Clear The Air, drawn by Myre Spencer/demipixellated. A green-skinned orc wearing leather armour and a black lace veil. She's holding a lantern in one hand; her other hand, and arm, are mechanical, a bit steampunky.
A visual novel style conversation between Eleanor- a light-skinned, blonde woman wearing goggles, a steampunk corset, and a lab coat- and Burt, a brown-skinned dark-haired man with mutton chops, a waistcoat, and a stained apron. Burt says, "I'll give you some bread pudding and we'll talk about it after". Burt looks hopeful, Eleanor looks dubious.
A 3D game screengrab of Devola and Popola from NieR: Automata. Their hair is 3D rendered and has some issues with clipping.
The key art for Sims 2 Strangetown.
A stylized illustration of a young woman in a glowing gold monocle. The woman has light skin and dark hair, which is in a short, 1930s-style wave. She's holding a finger to her lips. She's standing in front of some bookshelves. The room's lit by gaslamps, and glowing golden symbols hang in the air behind her.
A sepia-toned, dithered 3D pixel image of a young, veiled woman sitting on a train. She's asking, "is there something wrong with your suit case?"
A red-haired woman in a dress with a high fur collar singing into an old-fashioned microphone. The background is abstract, made up of triangles, like something out of Klimt.
Promotional art from the Sims 2 showing a bunch of sims standing together. This includes an astronaut with shaggy black hair and 90s sunglasses, an alien in a black suit, a man and woman who are about to kiss, an old man, a little boy, a girl doing a karate kick, a guy in a fedora/suit/shades, and the Grim Reaper.
"Get to know my game taste! For every like, I will post one game I love <3"
A green-skinned, tusked orc wearing a black lace veil and carrying a lantern. The orc has a helmet studded with jerboa skulls and a steampunk-esque mechanical arm.
A stylized image of a girl- drawn in white, purple, and grey- falling through a purple, glitchy void.
The bluesky profile of "Shammah Book Marketer", an account purporting to be a "literary agent".
The werewolf pack leader from The Sims 2. It's a doglike canine, with shaggy black fur, pointed ears, and glowing green eyes.
A virtual certificate with text "Celebrating 10M users on Bluesky, #743,713, Malcolm Schmitz ‪@malcolmschmitz.bsky.social‬, joined on Aug 26, 2023"
The "Dawn of the Final Day" message from Majora's Mask - white text on a black background that says "Dawn of the Final Day: 24 Hours Remaining"
A joke sourced from https://www.math.ttu.edu/~pearce/jokes1/joke-168.html , which has the full text. It's too long to type into bluesky, even as alt text.
The Bard Mouse meme- a mouse with its mouth open cartoonishly wide, wearing a blue cape and playing a lute.
A book cover for "AN OPPOSITE REACTION" by Malcolm Schmitz. An angular dwarf fortress, built into an asteroid, hovers in an air bubble in the void of space. A sun shines in the distance, but there's no other sign of life.
A bronze statue of a stylized human (mostly made of circles) in a little hat and tie, reading a book that's as big as they are.
A photo of Ledges National Park in Twinsburg, Ohio-- a trail in a forest goes up past a grey rock formation and into a cleft in the rocks. The walls of the formation are covered in green moss and lichen.
The faux-medieval book cover of The Cats and the Cockatrice, by Malcolm Schmitz. Two medieval drawings- a grey cat, and a brown dog-lizard-chicken-thing- ornament a parchment page.
A digital painting of a green-skinned, muscular orc woman holding a lantern. The orc has a mechanical left arm with a delicate clawed hand. She's wearing leather armour, a helmet studded with jerboa scales and a delicate black lace veil.