matt be

@mattbe.bsky.social

2862 Followers 581 Following

Good Night, and Good Luck.

My daughter (and her phone) are apparently literally in the sea
The iPhone tracker showing that my daughter is in the North Atlantic ocean apparently.
It’s Zoë Garbett, the new Mayor of Hackney.
A daft question about PSG & Bayern Munich if they played in the Premier League
The last time I got wordle in 1, with my daughter’s name (Grace), and me vowing to continue with my son’s nickname (Quack) as my first guess.
A list of extraordinary cameos in a notoriously shit film
A post featuring Benny Hill widening his eyes above an unrelated comment that says “one of those posts where your eyes get wider and wider as you read it through.”
The movie poster for Paddleton (2019) starring Mark Duplass and Ray Romano, available on Netflix.
Tyson Fury talking bollocks for a change
A headline reading “Chinese teens to pay $300,000 for urinating in soup” which I completely misread to be a fetish
Our two favourite rascals with the headline: Hot mic catches Xi and Putin discussing organ transplants and immortality
Another example of a team “finding a way to win” (scoring more goals than the other team)
My son and his dog recreating the front cover of the excellent book Hairy Maclary and Zachary Quack.
A message from my son saying “can we stay a little longer we’re just doing some Pilates”
The sleeve art for Electric Magnolia Co by Songs: Ohia - Jason Molina
A beautiful gag from the end of The Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld. “He’s moving out of the country. Moving to Argentina!”
Sky Sports headlines suggesting Jake Paul wants to fight Anthony Joshua and, erm, Joey Essex
A bot saying “nice chatting with you. Bye!” in response to me pointing out they’ve booked the wrong dates for some dinner reservations.
England only led for four minutes during the knockout stages of the EUROs apparently
A Sky Sports headline in which Andy Farrell says the Lions “found a way” to win.
A green owl looking horrified with the number 148 next to it
My son proudly announcing he’s spent nearly all of his school trip budget on expensive smell-nice 🙄
A text from my daughter saying “happy Father’s Day I guess”
It’s a Father’s Day card but my daughter has overwritten the message to change “he’s funny, he’s clever, he’s the best dad ever” to “he’s goofy, he’s quirky, he’s the silliest dad ever”…
My daughter going all out with her father’s day card message (“you’re alright sometimes but still no hugs!”)
My dog looking all daft with his nails out ready for polishing.
An email heading from LinkedIn saying “Matt, congratulations on 13 years at Various Companies!”
My old pal Lev Parikian posting that the “joke improver” has logged on… right as I logged on to post!
Well it’s Jim from the US version of The Office (which is not quite as good as the original, whatever people say) doing a twirl and saying thank you.
A WhatsApp chat where everyone calls each other ducky
A drawing of a can of worms
A drawing of a naked man on a train
A drawing of Morrissey with a measuring tape
A drawing of a little ghost, by my clever friend Tom McLaughlin
Four cardboard cutouts of James Bloody Corden
My dog just about containing his excitement
A picture of a man with his head in the clouds, drawn by Tom McLaughlin.
An evangelist I presume, saying “Jesus I see what you’ve done for other people and I want that for me.”
A rather traumatised looking bear
A lovely robin red breast in the snow
The football scores with Jesus getting a hatrick, Thomas Frank’s team losing and Saints losing at St Mary’s.
The airplane mode symbol flying off into the distance
It’s author T.S. Eliot in a dustbin, drawn by Tom McLaughlin
A cartoon of three mobsters surrounding a snitchy little pizza
The Ben Affleck “oh balls” meme
A story suggesting the person who identified Luigi Mangione might not get their reward because of a small print technicality.
A news report detailing multiple reasons to suspect the person of interest in that NYC murder
U.S. NEWS FBI offers $50,000 reward for information about gunman who killed UnitedHealthcare's CEO
Rexton being Rexton I guess
My dog on his dog holidays
My dog looking windswept and interesting
My dog and his close friend Lionel
My dog wearing a bow tie ffs
My dog looking all sweet and caring, bless him.
A man in front of a screen saying out with the old
The definition of the word “bucolic” which clearly doesn’t mean what I think it should mean