Matthew 🍔

@matthewburger.bsky.social

237 Followers 332 Following

Studies the atmospheres of objects without atmospheres.

Mr. Blond in Reservoir Dogs.
Principal Skinner explaining to Milhouse that fresh air is a privilege, not a right.
There’s a thought experiment, popular with the kind of people for whom philosophical thought experiments are popular, called the Ship of Theseus. It asks if you have a ship, and you replace every plank of wood in it as each plank rots away, so eventually you have a ship which doesn’t share a single plank with the original — is that still the same ship that you had at the start, or is it a totally new ship? A little while ago, I saw a Tweet from a venue I follow on Twitter, advertising The Drifters, singing “all their great hits”. There’s only one problem with this, which is that no-one currently in the Drifters has ever had a hit, and none of them have even ever been in a band with anyone who had a hit as a member of the Drifters. Indeed, I believe that none of them have even been in a band with someone who has been in a band with someone who was in a version of the Drifters that had a hit.
Gen. Jack Ripper from Dr. Strangelove.
The Onion's front page from December 8, 1941. Major headline: Dastardly Japs Attack Colonially Occupied US Non-State. Smaller headline: Congress Declares War After Sneak Attack on US Imperial Holding Highlighted Sub-headline: FDR: "We Conquered the Hawaiians First"
Old Fox Nation screenshot of Brian Kilmeade with the caption: "Today's smart person: Brian Kilmeade"
Chairface Chippendale has failed to write his name on the moon.
Kent Brockman on 60 Minutes
Homer Simpson talking to Kent Brockman (not pictured).
Gonzo skipping the women’s and men’s rooms and going in the whatever room.
Tweet from Feb 2021: Don Jr.: "They've banned the Muppets." Tweet from Nov 2021: CPAC banning Muppets.
A stack of books including seven by Laura Lippman.
Time to kill Hitler.
Pamphlet entitled “So you’ve decided to steal cable” from The Simpsons.
Paperback copy of V: East Coast Crisis by Howard Weinstein and A. C. Crispin.
E.T. The Extra Terrestrial with a glowing finger. Possibly from the movie. Hard to tell, really.
Screen shot from The Onion: "Area Man Passionate Defender of What He Imagines Constitution to Be." "Constitution" is crossed out and "Bible" written in.
How it started: Don, Jr, at CPAC in 2021 saying “They’ve banned the Muppets.” How it’s going: CPAC 2022 banning Muppets.
Screenshot of a Twitter exchange. Summary: Original post: If you oppose removing Confederate statues, how do you feel about the removal of statues of Saddam Hussein, Felix Dzerzhinsky, or Lenin? Me: Sorry, after history was erased by toppling those statues, I don't know who those people are. Someone else: Oh, so you learn all your history from plaques on statues. Me: I don't read the plaques. Just looking at a guy on a horse is all I need.
Screenshot of a Twitter exchange. Summary: Original post: If you oppose removing Confederate statues, how do you feel about the removal of statues of Saddam Hussein, Felix Dzerzhinsky, or Lenin? Me: Sorry, after history was erased by toppling those statues, I don't know who those people are. Someone else: Oh, so you learn all your history from plaques on statues. Me: I don't read the plaques. Just looking at a guy on a horse is all I need.
Abe Simpson newspaper clipping: Old Man Yells At Cloud.
Apple Maps image of a tank in a playground in Plano. It looks like a toy, but it’s a real goddamn tank.
Sterling Hayden as General Jack Ripper in Dr. Strangelove
Delicatessen
Giant metal dog sculpture. Price tag $16,000. Free shipping.
Scully and Mulder on the Simpsons showing their sexy IDs.
A series called The X Files, which pays lip service to skeptical examination of the paranormal, is skewed heavily towards the reality of alien abductions, strange powers and government complicity in covering up just about everything interesting. Almost never does the paranormal claim turn out to be a hoax or a psychological aberration or a misunderstanding of the natural world. Much closer to reality, as well as a much greater public service, would be an adult series (Scooby Doo does it for children) in which paranormal claims are systematically investigated and every case is found to be explicable in prosaic terms. The dramatic tension would lie in uncovering how misapprehension and hoax could generate apparently genuine paranormal phenomena.
Bachelor Chow: Now with flavor!
Richard Cory[1] Whenever Richard Cory went down town, We people on the pavement looked at him: He was a gentleman from sole to crown, Clean favored, and imperially slim. And he was always quietly arrayed, And he was always human when he talked; But still he fluttered pulses when he said, "Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked. And he was rich – yes, richer than a king – And admirably schooled in every grace: In fine, we thought that he was everything To make us wish that we were in his place. So on we worked, and waited for the light, And went without the meat, and cursed the bread; And Richard Cory, one calm summer night, Went home and put a bullet through his head.
Screenshot of the "We're sorry to see you go page" at WaPo. The "Cancel my subscription" and "Switch to digital-only" buttons are greyed out. Only "I've changed my mind" works. A message says "Sorry, something went wrong and we couldn't cancel your subscription."
A brown lab/pitt/etc mix named Laszlo lying on a fleece Effin’ Birds blanket that says “mother fucker do you need a nap?”
Grandpa Simpson: “A little from column A, a little from column B.”
Laszlo sprawled out in front of the fire.
Laszlo sprawled out in front of the fire.
Robot delivery of Luke and Leia from Revenge of the Sith.
Robot doctor giving Luke Skywalker a new arm in The Empire Strikes Back. In black and white for some reason.
Dark Helmet playing with his dolls.
Perry Mason and the Case of the Stepdaughter’s Secret.
Scene from my timeline: Tom Tomorrow’s post followed by Endless Screaming.
Luke Skywaker in Return of the Jedi being pushed out onto a plank before the Saarloc pit.
Far Side comic "What we say to dogs/what dogs hear" changed to "What we say to Trump/what Trump hears" with the dog's name replaced with "Trump" and a picture of Trump over the dog's face.
Cavepeople having a cookout roasting an entire mammoth over a small fire. One caveperson says "What? ... You mean no one brought the buns?" "No one" is italicized.
Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
Futurama: Wow! I could've sworn I was really playing virtual Skeeball!
Homer Simpson saying “There. Done and done.”
Me making a joke that the Thai in Thailand is different from the Thai in Pad Thai, and someone not getting it was a joke.
Glowing briefcase full of bees from Pulp Fiction.
What they didn’t realise until later was that they had made so many enemies on that tour that it would be impossible for them to return to the US for another four years. They weren’t blacklisted, as such, they just didn’t get the special treatment that was necessary to make it possible for them to visit there. From that point on they would still have a few hits in the US, but nothing like the sustained massive success they had in the UK in the same period.
The cat burgler from The Simpsons.
Snoopy dancing.
Wikipedia page for “You didn't build that”: "You didn't build that" is a phrase from a 2012 election campaign speech delivered by United States President Barack Obama on July 13, 2012, in Roanoke, Virginia. In the speech, Obama said: "Somebody helped to create this unbelievable American system that we have that allowed you to thrive. Somebody invested in roads and bridges. If you've got a business, you didn't build that."
Raquel Welch fondling Fozzie the Bear's head.
The Blues Brothers: Illinois Nazis. I hate Illinois Nazis.
Norm from Cheers: It’s a dog eat dog world, and I’m wearing milk bone underwear.