Graeme Beale

@midfyffe.bsky.social

548 Followers 752 Following

Works in @RESAS in the Scottish Government. Head of the Strategic Research Programme - Rural/Environment. Quaker. Writer of sub-par cat poems and other things.

At the flumes The queue was long, The wait interminable, So we understood little sister who gave her dithering sibling a shove. Za aa aa aaaa rrrr aaa aa aaaa. Splash! It could have been Sara, But flume walls have funny acoustics. GB 22nd July, 2026
Me at the open air theatre
Second (Internet) Thoughts I had a thought, About a daft thing, A stranger on the internet wrote. All the perfect replies, I composed, I let decompose. The world did not require, My unthought thoughts. Instead I let them wander past, To pastures unheralded. I shall instead grant myself, A moment's smugness, Before agreeing, That the first thought was right, The second, to hold that thought, Also right. GB 13th July 2026
Cheeseboard joke
Really slow Strava time
Morag cat in the airing cupboard
Scores
Carl jung followed me
Morag in the shade
Morag cat
Air fryer, it’s the sauce of a washing machine
Two panel cartoon. One says plesiosaur. The other says thankyousaur
Chuckle xenophobia Oh look, Scottish Bluesky Is doing chuckle xenophobia again. It doesn’t count of course Because it’s them, Because it’s fitba, Because it’s a joke, (Not a joke), Joke. Gary from Stockport, Who voted Brexit, With all his heart, Can’t hear you. But your neighbours can, Wondering, If you’ll say that about them? When think you have a free shot, What would you say about me? GB 23rd June, 2026
Morag cat looking out of the window. Rotten shed in the background.
Belted Galloway
Horse
Orange Texel sheep
Alpaca
Honey sculpture of Daleks
Mushrooms in the rowett tent
Wayne Powell introducing the event
Bobby Macaulay
Old ERDF sign
Camperdown house
A conversation I’m the kind of person, She said, I can deal with anyone, Put up with anything, If it’s about me, It doesn’t matter. But you come for my family, For my kids, For my friends, There’s a well of fury. Don’t get in the way. She said. I didn’t think about it at the time, But no one can, put up with everything, If it’s about you, It still matters. I should have said Be a friend to yourself, Be family. I didn’t see it at the time. GB 12 th June 2026
Morag cat and air quality monitor
Morag cat 🐈
Pokémon you walked 49.9km
AI assistant I Would not Like to chat With your AI bot I just wish Your website Worked. GB 30th May, 2026
Today was a good day It was an everything had to go right because it’s an exam day, A too cold night and a wet morning day, A wrongly set alarm woke us too early day, A couldn’t get out of bed day, A not the right clothes day, A forgot badge for the office day, An ants nest in the kitchen day, A sweat hot sticky afternoon day, An “ughh my period has come today dad day!” But it was a hug day, A loved day, A remembered to pick everyone up at the right time day, A right done burrito day, A cake pop from the coop day, A late evening hot chocolate day, Today was a good day. GB 26th May 2026
Chart of Graeme names
Grey scene
Print of pumpkins scared of a neepie lantern
May Day I remember May Day, The smell of plimsole rubber in the gym hall, Light streaming in from high windows, Catching the dust dancing over our heads. The half-tuned piano thrummed, Some notes resonating for an age after playing. I remember the dance teacher, Blue Tweed skirt suit, white pearl necklace, Heavy leather shoes that rang out when she stamped. We were the chosen offering for May morning, Our class would dance the maypole, At the fete this year. The dance teacher - a fierce Miss - I wonder now, Whether she disliked us particularly, Or all children in general.
Haiku lament My coffee forlorn, On the counter in thermos, I am on the bus. GB 19th May, 2026
Ship called Theseus
Eurovision and 🍺
Spin class AI suggestion
Buffet nights prices
Me and Diane at the rugby
Finding Albion by Zakia Sewell
me at hot pot restaurant.
Scottish Household survey statistics on activities
Carolina reaper sauce
Strava image.
Morag cat
older folks like my stuff chart
cat stats
cat stats
list of most popular videos.
The Cats Poetical Theophilus and Hector are the poets cats, Wordy, worldly and wise. They walk the feline paths, Collecting tales of tails striped, patchy, tigerish-bold. They marched Scotland from Mull to Methil, Meeting cats of every breed and pedigree. They met the many loves of Isidore the amorous, And wrote him into lascivious legend. In the woods they met William Devilla, Ruler of his own forest, Jester to the feline nation. So many shop-cats, A baker’s, a gallery, chippy, and watchmaker’s- A GPs and a vets. They met the faithful and the faithless, The Quakers meeting house cat, Ever so silent, except in pounce, Nightclub singers and Barbershop caterwaulers, And bankers and divers and bike repair cats. They learned the lives of Cats of every variety. They etched them with inky claw, Into moleskin notebooks, Where they are left, For you, the reader, to read. GB 6th May, 2026
Caroline Critchpaw So oft, so soft, is Caroline called for, A mediator of extraordinary skill. She is the cat who walks in the crowd. The one who brings harmony where only discord rings. The great cat clans have often warred And scratched and scrambled and clawed, For territory, for glory, for remembrance, Of eyes lost for eyes and tails for tails. But when a moment’s peace is hoped for, When the cease-claw is promised, Then they call for her, The incomparable Critchclaw!
Finn- Water tester A sniff so discerning, A bloodhound would be jealous. Only the finest peat-filtered, Highland sprung, Run-through-a-hydro-station, Loch bound and distilled, Only then is water ready For Finn’s gilt-edged water bowl. He runs the streams and becks and burns, Scottish Water’s most demanding supervisor, Hunting out each impurity, The runoff from the farmers field, The factory outflow and the sewer pipe. He knows them all, And watches over, Guardian of the precious tap, So clear, and clean, and ready to drink. GB 4th May, 2026
Persiana the cat wedding planner It is a difficult business to plan one’s nuptials, Especially for cats. Nights on the tiles mean something different, When you have four paws, A strong parfum de tuna, And so many of the passing lovers Turn out to be strays. But when cats turn their business, Truly to les affaires d’amour, There is only one name they seek out, Persiana Diamond, Doyenne of feline wedding planners. She will find for you: the perfect venue, Glamorous rooftops of Rosyth, A view over the Mowi fish factory. The finest gown for you to shred to pieces, In the traditional manner of cat things. Something old, something new, something clawed something blue. Crystal glasses to be knocked off a table by the happy couple. A jewelled collar, tipped with Faberge cut emeralds, The richest cake, a mile high and topped with anchovies, A chorus from the great cat barbershop quartet. At the end of the night, When the guests have swished away, Persiana nods to herself, Washes a paw. A job well done. GB 4th May 2026
Claire de Gambol Claire De Gambol, Our lady of luck, A jet black puss of endless mystery. At William Hill all eyes turn down, She slinks in, gazing briefly at each punter. They hope, oh how they hope, That she will grace them with a gaze, A flash of whisker or a nod, But no- today she calls not. Further along South street she pauses at Ladbrokes, Noses in the door, but does not stay. Hearts a flutter, then turn to- The grim repentance of the daily better. Today she feels the call, Of the Buccleuch street casino. A different class, all dinner jackets, Nerves, and credit lines, Cashed up in chips.
Stargazer Stargazer is the poacher's cat, He sleeps above the Green Man Inn, The better to keep eyes on the constabulary house, When the sounds from the bar below have hushed, The drunks have stumbled out, Save those huckled into the van, Deposited in the cop shop across the road, To sober up at his majesty's pleasure. When all the lights go out, Stargazer and his human, Isla, Slip out to the moonlit woods. She stalks the deer, Roe and Red. While Stargazer goes higher to take, A dozy partridge, or a Jenny-wren. Perhaps he'll wrestle a pine marten, Just to stay in shape. All done, with feathers still stuck to his fur, He emerges from the bushes, Wipes the partridge from his lips. Isla hefts a stag over one shoulder, Checks the path, and checks again. Away they scurry, into the dark. GB 2nd May, 2026
Harmony the veterinary cat Substantial in both body and soul, Harmony Douglas-Smythe-Jones, Of the Rumblingwell DSJ’s, Took herself to veterinary school, And learned the trade at the hands of the greats. She studied well, and widely read, Until no beast or fowl was stranger to her. She treated sparrows for idle beaks, And louping ill in a flock of sheep. In a peacock she cured bashfulness, A spaniel swore by her every remedy. There was just one tiny blot, On her copybook otherwise so varied and fine. She could not stand to let a mouse, Or rat, or guinea pig or other rodent, Depart from her clinic unconsumed. It was a fault, she did accept, A character flaw or genus trait, But should a client come and bring their mouse, Undoubtedly it would not survive the night. She tried, but her nature truly had, Too great a hold upon her, Down to her pounce and paws. And so she sighed, and sadly licked her claws And said a prayer to Bastet and sorry to Hippocrates, That such gods would look kindly on a cat, Whose heart was grand, works all open, But has just a little problem with the mouses. GB 10th March 2026