Mr. Bitch

@mrbitch.bsky.social

63 Followers 1 Following

Mr. Bitch is the inescapably-popular main character of a series of children's books bearing his unfortunate name. Created by https://bsky.app/profile/bpbigg.bsky.social. Found also here: https://mrbitch.cfw.me/

MR. BITCH Sucks A woman with elegantly-coiffed hair, a handsome evening dress, and many pieces of jewelry is bearing a tray of buns, coffee, and other refreshments to her husband, a choleric gentleman in a smoking jacket who is sitting moodily at a writing table. In one of the glasses is a small, pathetic Mr. Bitch
The Euphoric Abandonment of MR. BITCH A beaming young woman in full crisp riding outfit complete with leather boots, red jacket, and hat sits astride a white horse, riding away from a clearly-oblivious Mr. Bitch, who is facing away from her looking at some kind of seaside golf course.
Spare Us The Sob Story, MR. BITCH A tiny and sad Mr. Bitch stands between a rooster and a hen. The birds dwarf the pathetic Mr. Bitch
The Flaccid Equivocations of MR. BITCH An uncomfortable Mr. Bitch stands in a spotlight before an imposing stone statue of some kind of judgmental lawman
MR. BITCH Confronts His Nemesis On a pristine mountain cliff overlooking a lightly-populated picturesque valley, two titans square off: a perfectly-normal brown-and-white dairy cow, and one Mr. Bitch.
Of Fucking Course We'd Find You In Some Shit Like This, MR. BITCH On a snowy road, a well-dressed man in a fur-trimmed coat and dapper hat is laying into two fearful tramps and Mr. Bitch with his walking stick
Things Didn't Work Out With The Other Guy For Reasons We'd Prefer Not To Get Into We Can't Believe It's Come To This, But We're Going To Ask These Two Men If They Have A Line On MR. BITCH
GUTTERBORN PIP Died, Badly. To Avert Any Loss of Continuity During The Grieving Process We Have Contracted The Services of Jeremiah Q. Bones, Esquire A man with short brown hair and grey eyes is smiling widely, his eyes fixed on a spot near the viewer's left shoulder. The smile is too wide. You can only see his top row of teeth.
MR. BITCH Will Not Appear Due To A Prior Engagement. In His Place Please Welcome GUTTERBORN PIP The titular GUTTERBORN PIP struts down a mountain path towards the viewer. He is a portly fellow, sporting a brimmed cap set at a jaunty angle, a vest and sports jacket both straining at the buttons, high striped trousers, clogs, and a long, long pipe. He looks tired
A Pocketful Of MR. BITCH A mustachioed man dressed warmly in a cap, gloves, and overcoat walks through snowy countryside, carrying a cane tucked under his arm. In the pocket of his overcoat one can observe a folded-up newspaper, and the head of Mr. Bitch peeking out.
Doing Our Best To Ignore MR. BITCH In a forest, a young man is pointing dramatically up at the sky with his other hand clutched fervently to his breast while an older woman sits behind him, weeping into her hands. Neither of them are acknowledging the presence of Mr. Bitch, who is standing directly between them looking like an idiot.
MR. BITCH Catches A Splinter Square In The Eye A grisly scene is playing out on the floor of a sawmill: a mustachioed man is lying unconscious while being pushed towards a table saw by a mad-eyed man in a red shirt. Meanwhile, to the left a woman in a frock dress is bashing through a locked office door using a chair. This sends shards of wood flying, one such shard lodging itself in one of Mr. Bitch's pathetic eyeballs. Oh yeah, Mr. Bitch is also standing around on the sawmill floor. Why? Who cares
MR. BITCH Abandons A Man In His Hour Of Need A man with a shaved head in an old-fashioned prisoner's striped jumpsuit is strangling another man dressed in a fine vest, tie, and overcoat. Mr. Bitch, the coward, is fleeing the scene
MR. BITCH Harshes The Vibe A collection of young men in festive dress have congregated around a number of casks and are partaking liberally of the contents thereof. Mr. Bitch is among their number, looking like a real sourpuss. Fuck I hate him
An Overdue Judgement For MR. BITCH A cowled, darkly angelic figure stands against an orange sky in a weird liminal desert space next to a nervous Mr. Bitch. It's time to pay
Good Riddance To MR. BITCH Mr. Bitch hurtles rightward through the air in the middle of a tropical windstorm. I hope he dies
Do You Fucking Mind, MR. BITCH? In a parlour or perhaps a sitting room, an older well-dressed gentleman has been knocked to the floor by a younger well-dressed gentleman. Both gentlemen are wearing cravats that are frankly out of fucking control. A young woman looks on with concern, as does Mr. Bitch, who is observing the melodrama through a window.
I Am So, So, SO Unbelievably Sick Of Your Shit, MR. BITCH An old-timey train porter is looking at a bird cage, inside which stands a chastised-looking Mr. Bitch. The porter looks so tired
MR. BITCH Receives His Comeuppance A soldier stands atop a huge pile of artillery shells. In the distance, Mr. Bitch waits to receive his just reward
None Of Us Can Stand MR. BITCH Five silhouetted young people are standing huddled together in a black void. One of them is holding a sign bearing the title of this comic. Peeking in from the right side of the panel is Mr. Bitch himself, clearly having some adverse feelings about this fellowship. But fuck him
MR. BITCH Wouldn't Know "Culture" If It Walked Up And Kicked Him In The Ass Mr. Bitch is standing in front of a trombone player and a piano player who are vigorously playing some kind of high-energy music. Mr. Bitch looks deeply unhappy, and the trombone player is modestly annoyed
The Refreshing, Near-Total Absence of MR. BITCH A stately Regency-era building complete with clock tower sits at the center of a well-tended plaza, smaller buildings dotting the landscape around it. If one looks very closely, a very small Mr. Bitch can be found - but why waste the effort finding him?
MR. BITCH Landed Himself In Some Real Hot Water This Time A tiny Mr. Bitch is standing atop a chair in a ballroom that appears to be entirely peopled by powdered-wig-wearing posh gentlefolk who are all various levels of pissed off at Mr. Bitch
MR. BITCH Look Out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! An old-fashioned motor vehicle is barrelling down a forested road at night, about to slam headlong into a female deer and her fawn. At the wheel is none other than Mr. Bitch, who is screaming with his eyes closed.
Saddled With MR. BITCH Mr. Bitch and a young woman are riding together by the seaside in a two-seater horse-drawn carriage. Mr. Bitch is facing forward, while the young woman looks back towards the reader as if to say "Can you BELIEVE this guy?"
Pretending Not To Notice MR. BITCH A chef is proffering a plate of foodstuffs to a trio of military offices in the middle of a lush palace garden. All four men are studiously ignoring a nearby Mr. Bitch, who is polluting the vibe with his mere presence
A Predictable Plummet for MR. BITCH A heroic figure rides a pegasus across a fantastical cityscape. That heroic figure is NOT Mr. Bitch, who has just fallen off the pegasus's back and is gaining speed
The Unsolicited Contributions of MR. BITCH A man is positioned behind a telegraph machine and is in the process of tapping out some manner of transmission. Mr. Bitch is standing too close to the man and his machine, gormless eyes peeking over the top
MR. BITCH Is Too Small To Stop This A man in a black suit points a gun at a seated man in the middle of a dusty street while behind them a nun goes crazy on the organ. A small Mr. Bitch stands glumly atop a table between the two men, little useless body powerless to do anything but look on
Ain't Never Heard Of No MR. BITCH A number of gold-rush-era miners are standing around a sluice, examining the water running through for gold dust. In the bottom left there is a pair of legs and a scarf that superficially resemble those of Mr. Bitch, but it's probably a coincidence
You're Next, MR. BITCH A man is standing in a field firing a shotgun at ducks while his loyal hound runs out to collect the fallen birds. Behind him, Mr. Bitch (in a clear state of agitation), is running away.
What Did You Do THIS Time, MR. BITCH? Mr. Bitch is looking mournful, clutching his scarf with his tiny hands. He is standing next to a woman in an alley. The woman is wearing a shabby black dress and is facing away from the camera, clutching her head with both hands.
MR. BITCH Doesn't Belong Here Mr. Bitch is standing in one corner of a lively get-together of well-to-do gentlefolk
Can't Say I Care Much For MR. BITCH A smartly-dressed young man with a folding chair under his arm stands facing the viewer on a boardwalk that overlooks a beach. In the distance, Mr. Bitch looks out over the water. Fuck him
Eat Shit, MR. BITCH Mr. Bitch is standing in the middle of the road grimacing while a chortling child clad in some kind of ruff points at him and laughs.
Face What's Coming To You, MR. BITCH Mr. Bitch is cowering beneath the windowsill of a first-floor apartment building, peering fearfully out into the street. A woman, her child, and a black dog are already outside, staring into the camera.
Not THIS Again, MR. BITCH Depicts Mr. Bitch in the middle of the ocean, standing atop a pod of three orcas headed for parts unknown
MR. BITCH Interrupts Some Hollow Grief Depicts Mr. Bitch sprinting between two mourners outside some kind of elaborate American military graveyard.
See Yourself Out, MR. BITCH. Comic depicts the titular Mr. Bitch standing amidst a riotous party scene jam-packed with lively and interesting people. People are engaging in romance, there is dancing, drinking, hooting, hollering, and even a pair of tuxedo'd imbeciles performing backflips. Mr. Bitch sticks out like a sore thumb amidst all this merriment.
MR. BITCH Makes A Nuisance Of Himself Depicts Mr. Bitch facing away from both the viewer and a horse-drawn plow in a field, very obviously interrupting a hard-working farmer's entire fucking shit for no goddamn reason
Why Would They Ever Forgive You, MR. BITCH? A small and ashamed Mr. Bitch looks on at a distance as a seemingly-happy family enjoys a day at the beach. Without him.
You Want No Part In This, MR. BITCH Mr. Bitch is observing two young ne'er-do-wells transporting two pairs of possible-haunted armor in a manner some might describe as "droll" or "humorous"
Nowhere You Run Will Be Far Enough, MR. BITCH Depicts a tiny Mr. Bitch looking utterly ashamed of his wretched self on the second level of a double-decker bus bound for parts unknown
What Makes You Think You're Better Than Him, MR. BITCH? Depicts MR. BITCH, looking none too pleased, standing next to a checker-suited oaf wearing a bowler hat that reads "HACK". Behind them, a procession of dames in boater hats marches past.
Learn To Take A Hint, MR. BITCH Depicts MR. BITCH, pitiful cigarette dangling from his lip, strolling casually past a young couple in the throes of young love like a total fucking dumb ass
MR. BITCH Falls In With A Bad Crowd Depicts MR. BITCH on the fringe of a donnybrook between two ruffians and a dashing swain acting in defence of a maiden fair. You are the company you keep, Mr. Bitch
MR. BITCH Entertains Ideas Above His Station Depicts MR. BITCH in a box at the opera, next to a well-to-do woman wielding opera glasses. Who the hell does he think he is