Matt Tobey

@mtobey.bsky.social

2806 Followers 679 Following

Past: Comedy Central, The Onion Future: Dead đź“ŤMichigan He/him

An open face everything bagel topped with cream cheese, cucumber, homemade lox, green onion, and capers
AQI 420
Greta Thunberg's Sister Beata MonaLisa Does the Splits
Chair assembly instructions: Tapping to help rebound is srucial
Dog in glasses smoking a cig staring at phone
Text from me: Stop Text from Nancy Pelosi: You have been unsubscribed from texts and will no longer receive messages
Handshake meme. One arm is labeled "9 year olds." The second arm is labeled "Documentaries." Their handshake is labeled "Take an hour and a half to tell a 5 minute story"
Abdul for Senate yard sign
A handsome man’s hand holding a paperback copy of Infinite Jest
Xi asks Trump is US and China can avoid Thucydides Trap at high-stakes summit
Tim Robinson talking about TK Jewelers in the audience of a sitcom taping
Based on the request of Pakistan and other Countries, the tremendous Military Success that we have had during the Campaign against the Country of Iran and, additionally, the fact that Great Progress has been made toward a Complete and Final Agreement with Representatives of Iran, we have mutually agreed that, while the Blockade will remain in full force and effect, Project Freedom (The Movement of Ships through the Strait of Hormuz) will be paused for a short period of time to see whether or not the Agreement can be finalized and signed. President DONALD J. TRUMP
Jackie Jr playing scrabbled with Meadow
Dog with glasses, smoking a cig, staring at phone
5-star Letterboxd review of Speed Racer (2008) There isn't a screen big enough for this fucking thing. This joyous razor blade miracle. Project it onto the moon. Place was absolutely packed with people not just seeing Michael (2026), but in costume to see Michael. A bit on the mutilated nose if you ask me.
Robert F Kennedy Jr Cut Penis off Raccoon
Steve Bannon wearing pants that got nothin to do with piss
AI slop picture Trump posted of himself as Jesus doing magic on a guy in a hospital bed
Whorrey Potter and the Sorcerer's Balls
Trump has also reportedly begun to guess people's shoe sizes to their faces. If this goes wrong, it could potentially be dangerous, menswear writer Derek Guy told the Journal. Marco Rubio on Capitol Hill in December. His shows don't appear to fit.
Markwayne Mullin
AI slop photo in the Oval Office
lauren @NotABigJerk i'm not falling for that hot take. that's clearly someone with a fetish for getting yelled at. i refuse to participate in that kind of perversion
Children sitting around camp fire post apocalypse with a bottom speech bubble
Robocop, Nirvanna The Band The Show The Movie, The Arena, Mata Hari
Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein wearing shirts from Dan Flashes that cost $1000 out the door because the pattern's so wild
If peeing your pants is cool consider me Miles Davis
Mike Myers as Stuart in How I Married an Ax Murderer: He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight on his huge pillow
Bob Odenkirk at the end of the Mr Show "I'll Marry Your Ass" sketch saying "My life..."
Executive producer Richard Branson
Still from Wicked City with a car on fire and the subtitle reads: Non driving motherfucker!
Still from Wicked City. The subtitles read: I do not get hard for Spider-Hoes!
Jim Downey from the game show scene in Billy Madison
Melania Trump in the Criterion Closet holding up a copy of Salo and smiling
New York Times headline: it’s time for America to admit that it has a marijuana problem
Paul Joseph Watson Conservatism is the new counter-culture Conservatism is the new punk rock Deal with it
From: Lesley Groff 4 To: " Subject: Alert - ALF + Jeffrey Epstein: Phone Call March 23, 2018 3:30 PM : ALF + Jeffrey Epstein: Phone Call
Some bullshit fundraising text from Chuck Schumer with a gif of Jeff Daniels going diarrhea in Dumb and Dumber as a reply
Magdalena bay biscuits
National Lampoon cover: If you don’t give me a Nobel peace prize we’ll kill this dog
In the past seven days have you purchased a floppy disk
The Pendragon Cycle: Rise of The Merlin premieres January 22nd on DailyWire+
Driver shot, killed by Washtenaw County deputies in Ypsilanti had no gun, sheriff says Sheriff’s Office retracts claim driver pointed gun at deputies
Avengers doomsday runtime 3 hours and 45 minutes
Letterboxd page for Lovelace (2013) directed by Rob Epstein, Jeffrey Friedman
It Follows
Reddit ad: Russell Crowe, Rami Malek, Leo Woodall, & Michael Shannon star in the trial of the century, NURMEBERG, Directed by James Vanderbilt. Now playing in theaters.
Me: The words “MAGA plant” are right there in Graham Platner’s name. He gave us all the clues Franky: Herr MAGA Plant!
Cool guy who yoinked the thumb shaped Nazi’s glasses
Still from Rap World
I'm wishing I had circled back and grabbed it as soon as I got to my vehicle.... I'm worried what my old man would do if I didn't bring back grandpas rifle ... idek if it had a serial number, but it wouldn't trace to me. I worry about prints I had to leave it in a bush where I changed outfits. didn't have the ability or time to bring it with.... I might have to abandon it and hope they don't find prints. how the [expletive] will I explain losing it to my old man....
Charlie Kirk coffin floppin'
Sam Richardson looking cute... and sexy
Poster for the Riyadh Comedy Festival starring a bunch of obnoxious shitheads who love blood money
Fill my days with cake water & sunshine