OFMD Middle Names

@ofmdmiddlenames.bsky.social

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A collection of middle names given to OFMD characters in fanfic, curated by @happydaiz.bsky.social. All screenshots are posted without context. DM links to fics with middle names for me to read and find!

"Oh my god, this is happening. You will tell me EVERYTHING after, Stede Morticia Bonnet, or I'll never speak to you again."
"You're Israel fucking Hands, man. Most feared first mate in the Seven Seas." How many of their problems could've been avoided if only Izzy believed in himself first, instead of Ed? "Maybe that's enough."
one shiny rich bastard did best him, hey? And it wasn't Chauncey fucking Badminton. Fuck this. He snatches up the bottle of rum and takes three good gulps, gasping at the end.
Nigel fucking Badminton. All these years they've ended up circling each other at arm's length.
The sight of the man's name makes his stomach fizz in the strangest way, and he pauses with his fist halfway to knocking. Stede fucking Bonnet, what the hell.
a tweet by @butchbonnet: if stede elizabeth bonnet does not rescue edward teach's red silk from the waves to deliver safely and romantically back to him, i will fucking jetski down to the caribbean myself and fish is out of the sea with my bare teeth, my chompers. motherfucker
"Holy shit," Jim says, but now they're looking straight at Ed. "You're Edward fucking Teach."
history, because let's be real, nobody could invent Stede fucking Bonnet. The guy's one of a kind.
The front door opened and Stede freaking Bonnet walked out the front door.
Imagine calling up Edward Teach, salvage diver, asking him about the Queen Anne's Revenge, and introducing yourself as Stede fucking Bonnet, like it was nothing.
"Stede Montague Sterling Bonnet," Martha snapped at her son, "You will sit down and listen."
killed and maimed and endured watered-down tavern beer and the company of Izzy "Thirteen" Hands for this man without understanding that the thing propelling his body forward was love, the greatest love of his life.
With all my love, Stede Bartholomewl Bonnet <3
His brain is still half-dreaming, half-dead, and the only thing that carried over fully intact from there to here is Stede fucking Bonnet.
The Ned Fucking Low ruins everything.
Lucius was right all along. It had been life beginning anew. For Stede Fucking Bonnet.
Mind you, he thinks, judging from his description in the True Journal, if anyone was going to have a large mirror on board a pirate ship it would be Stede 'auxiliary wardrobe' Bonnet.
"STEDE NOEL BONNET WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR ROBE AND WHY IS THERE A CHRISTMAS TREE ON YOUR COCK?!" He hears sideburns yell from the hall.
And what had he left in his place? An agreeable mimic, a laughing, climbing, working phantom in the shape of Stede Fucking Bonnet, a man somehow less threatening than his own wanted poster.
Lucius jumped off the desk. "Stede Angelica Bonnet! I have the perfect idea! You know Pete works at WQAR, right? Do you listen to the morning show in your car on your way here in the mornings?"
"Stede Montague Bonnet!" Ed held a hand to his chest like he was scandalized, even though his broad grin totally gave him away.
"Quite alright," the vicar said. "Edward Joseph Teach, do you take this man, Stede Bonnet, to be your husband?
Ed scoffs. "Who looks at an interstate and sees precious gems? Stede fucking Bonnet."
"Stede, be careful, he does know his shit," Ed warns him, and Stede replies with the most Stede fucking Bonnet thing he could possibly say, which is "As do I, you've taught me well."
"Stede Timothy James Bonnet, do you take this man, Edward Teach, to be your husband? Do you vow to love him,
"Stede Cordelia Bonnet and Ed Louisa May Teach! Spill!" demanded Lucius.
Stede fucking Bonnet aside, he thinks about Izzy and him against the fucking world, co-owners of Blackbeard's
Blackbeard keeps his expression neutral. "Your middle name, huh? You're a fool then, Stede No-Middle-Name Bonnet. You wasted your transaction. 'M not drinking it."
'Stede fucking Bonnet!' Izzy snaps.
PETE So, Lu. Lucius Bartholomew Spriggs. LUCIUS Oh my god. I'm being full-named.
"Now listen to me, Edward Louise Ciccone Teach."
later was HOWEVER LONG AGO YOU GOT HITCHED, ISRAEL BASILICA HANDS
Then he had to hold the phone away from his ear: "STEDE GENEVIEVE BONNET what is the matter with you??" Lucius bellowed.
And he hated that fancy, entitled, pompous, lying, cheating Stede fucking Bonnet had led him to this.
"Not another step, Stede fucking Bonnet," the man hissed in a low husky voice (a voice Stede unfortunately recognised) as he shuffled uncomfortably close, crowding into Stede's personal space.
Is this about Stede fucking Bonnet? You've proved more than capable without him
"Israel Basilica Hands," Ed sing-songed at him, "who the fuck did you marry?" He...
Stede. Fucking. Bonnet.
"A crime. An absolute felony, Stede Silly-Swan Bonnet. Jail time for those who have neglected to give your cute as fuck nose a little kiss," Ed said
"He is not your friend," Izzy said coldly. "Do you know why I hated you on sight, Stede fucking Bonnet? Before you even set foot in this building?"
"Stede Elizabeth Bonnet, when have I ever not been?" Lucius raised a brow at him.
Izzy heard someone frantically running up the stairs behind him, and turned around just in time to see Stede fucking Bonnet rounding the corner.
Lucius: Stede Cecile Bonnet! Spill the 🍵! Stede: 😇🤐
He cared. After all of the avoidance, all of the shoving him away, Stede fucking Bonnet still fucking cared.
He looks up at the villa, which is way too big for one person, but hey, who is Ed 'Single as the Day is Long' Teach to judge?
stede middlename bonnet how can you be this bad at flirting but it still works on me
"And how come Stede fuckin' Bonnet knew about that before me, huh? Were you going to tell me you saw Jack [redacted] or did I have to hear it from a mass email?"
"Stede Montague Bonnet the motherfucking fifteenth, I swear on our children you better tell your poor, suffering ex-wife what's going on between you and Ed stat!"
and that Edward fucking Teach just let him do it??
"I'm not the one on trial here, Stede Octavia Bonnet. Now question three:
Izzy fucking Hands. Izzy fucking Hands and his incessant need to live his life by a code that just can't exist for Ed anymore. Izzy Hands and his desire for Ed to be a man he's been working for years to put in the grave.
Stede, all right, having a drink with Edward. They were talking animatedly, and Lucius actually saw Edward 'Scary Bastard' Teach laughing. Laughing at something Stede 'Dad Jokes' Bonnet said.
"I guess, maybe," Ed grumbled, trying to tamp down the burst of wild hope that flared within him, particularly when he remembered Jeffrey fucking Fettering and his stupid fucking picnic. "I just feel...
This is completely uncharted territory for Stede Bartholomew Bonnet - territory he never thought he'd be charting in the first place, frankly.
The fucking bastard and his obsession with Stede fucking Bonnet.
petey elizabeth black answer your phone and tell me what is HAPPENING
That was a lot. He felt a particular dread that Edward -handsome untouchable professional barber- Teach was judging him.
Unfortunately, the version of him who believed all that had never worked for Stede fucking Bonnet.
Izzy knew that chipper fucking voice anywhere. Stede fucking Bonnet.
"Hm, Captain Stede Smollett Bonnet," Ed said. "It just sounds silly."