Oglaf

@oglaf.bsky.social

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Fantasy webcomics. NSFW

Comic strip! Panel 1 Mary is Pregnant. Joseph gestures toward her. Joseph- You said you didn't have any rooms, but what if my wife was very very pregnant? Panel 2 innkeeper- She wasn't ten minutes ago. Panel 3 Mary- That's the weird thin, see, I'm pregnant to God. Panel 4 the innkeeper just stares at Mary and Joseph Panel 5 Innkeeper- That really doesn't seem likely. Panel 6 Joseph seems agitated. Mary, not so much. Joseph- I'm telling you I got cucked by the divine! Would I admit that if it wasn't true? Panel 7 the innkeeper glowers at the couple Panel 8 Mary and Joseph leave in a huff. Panel 9 three wise men arrive. wise man- We're after some rooms. Panel 10 Innkeeper- We're full. Panel 11 Pull out to reveal the wise men are pregnant. Panel 12 wise man- Did I mention we're all pregnant?
comic strip. panel 1- a yellow cobra says "you have discovered the wish-snake. What do you wish?" panel 2 we see we're in a sort of pink forest and the snake is talking to a woman. Woman- Oo! True love! Snake- Nope panel 3 is a close-up on the woman Woman- What? You get a veto? Panel 4 Snake- I'm the wish-snake, baby Woman- Of course you are panel 5 Woman- A golden palace? the snake puffs out a little cloud. Not enough that you suspect it's vaping though. Snake- Ugh.Tacky. No. Panel 6 Woman- In the stories, wish-granters aren't usually so judgemental. Panel 7 Snake- Aren't usually the wish-snake. Panel 8 Woman- True. Ummm... Snake- Venom Panel 9 Woman- What? Snake- You should wish you can spit venom. Panel 10 Woman- I don't want to spit venom Snake- Well that's the only wish I'm offering
Comic strip, titled 'slutfarm' A man stands somewhere rural and speaks to camera. He's a sexy farmer. We contemplated putting him in a bib and brace but decided against it. sexy farmer- We get the hottest farm hads to ream the earth with a plow shaped like a penis panel 2- a sexy farmhand pushes a dick-shaped plow. sexy farmhand- It takes way longer than it needs to. panel 3- sexy farm-hand pours liquid onto stalks of wheat in a field. caption- the wheat gets plenty of lube panel 4. sexy farmer and sexy farmhand wear lingerie and wield scythes. sexy farmer- then we reap the fuck out of it sexy farmhand- In deeply impractical clothes panel 5 sexy farmer holds up a loaf of bread. Sexy farmhand eats a slice. Sexy farmer- All to make a loaf of bread that... Sexy farmhand- ...tastes no different to regular bread panel 6 farmer eats bread. He looks distressed. farmhand- We were sure it was going to be erotic somehow. panel 7 Farmer has his face in his hands. Farmhand seems contemplative. Sexy Farmer- We're fucked. We're the non-sexy kind of fucked. sexy farmhand- Unless we can sell pity bread. panel 8 sexy farmer- what? sexy farmhand- I fuck lots of people I'm not attracted to out of pity. panel 9 Farmer holds loaf of bread up. He seems desperate. In a sexy way. Sexy farmer- Slutfarm Bakery. Please. Do a sexy farm a favour. sexy farmhand- Buy ten loaves and I'll fuck you. panel 10 Farmer hugs farmhand. sexy farmer- Thanks man. That means a lot.
Comic strip. Panel 1- Lolth is a woman with a spider's body from the waist down. Sort of an arachno-centaur. Her human part is human-sized, spider part is enormous. She's on top of a bed with a man in the bed. Lolth wears a bikini top. Lolth- It's me! Your favourite spider with tits! Have you heard that you eat five spiders a year in your sleep? (side note- there are lots of versions of that urban myth about eating spiders. We started with eight-spiders-per-year but settled on five because we couldn't fit any more panels in) panel 2- Close-up on Lolth Lolth- It's true! But lemme tell you, they're not the smart spiders we then go to a montage of spiders going into sleeping peoples' mouths. panel 3 a spider stands on a lip, a strand of silk floating upwards from its abdomen. spider- I'm gonna ride the updrafts! caption- Rudy. The thrill-seeker panel 4 A spider stands in front of a sleeping person's open mouth. caption- Lucretia. Greedy. spider- Apparently there's gold in their stomachs. panel 5 a spider falls towards an open human's mouth. spider- I'm so horny I make bad decisions. caption- Robert. Male black widow. panel 6 a spider stands on a sleeping person's nose. A group of spiders hold up a dead spider, preparing to throw the spider into the person's mouth. nose spider- We commit her body to the mouth as per her wishes. caption- Hesta. Already dead. panel 7 a spider dangles on a thread over an open human mouth. caption- Neil. Thought it was a myth and went to investigate. panel 8 montage is over, we're back with Lolth and bed guy. Lolth- So now we've honored their sacrifice, who wants silky-milk? Guy- What? panel 9 lolth squirts cobwebby milk from her titty, like spider man probably does sometimes. Lolth- Milk from my tits! It's silky and milky! Panel 10 The man is covered in dripping cobwebs. He's horrified. man- I don't want that. Lolth- Nobody does. It's disgusting.
Text reads classic comic prints now available over a montage of Oglaf comic pages.
comic strip. first panel is all text. it says "and behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot. and subtil of heart... she caught him and kissed him and with an impudent face said unto him...I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linens of Egypt. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon. Come let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves. second panel a man talks to a woman. he wears a jacket and a cylindrical hat and has a beard. She's well, dressed like a harlot. No judgement, she's rocking the harlot chic. man- Sorry, you've put cinnamon on your bed? woman- and aloes and myrrh 3rd panel- man- So you're asking if I want to have sex in cinnamon? woman- it's really not that much cinnamon. 4th panel- man- Just roll around like a pair of sex donuts woman-(exasperated) I'll sweep up the fucking cinnamon. 5th panel- Close-up of the man man- I mean I've always wanted to fuck a gingerbread man but this feels dumb panel 6 the woman is leaving. she raises two middle fingers to the man. woman- Fuck you, I'm going home. panel 7 close-up of the man man- Leave your spices in the kitchen. That's the lesson from this proverb. panel 8 close-up of the woman woman- don't waste your harlot attire on idiots. That's my take-away. panel 9 is in heaven. Close-up of God. God- There's no real moral to this proverb. It should be in the book of recipes but the bible doesn't have one.
Text reads Bone Broth Apron! By Demand! Image of two grey aprons with graphic of skeleton in a spa asking "who wants bone broth?"
a woman is cursed to be a frog. No wait, the other way around. Anyhow there's enchantment and boobs. Turning fairy tales into something that makes sense is Disney's problem.
navy t-shirt with a white angry cartoon cat, and a green t-shirt with a skeleton in a spa bath asking if anyone wants bone broth.
it's basically 'Wanderer above the Sea of Fog' but if he had an erection.
the new season's crypt-crawling fashions are fun and flirty like every other season. I mean one day maybe we'll go for protection or something but that seems neither fun nor flirty.
talk of stain removal leads to war but with some steps left out. Sometimes it feels like this stuff isn't under your control.
a book with 'great titties' written on the cover turns out to be full of teeth and mauls a man. In some ways, though, you want a little danger in your literature.
Serving girl goes to party, acquires trophy prince. I mean, other stuff happens but that's the gist.
an ultrasound image of a frankly pretty unsound baby
a man reads a pamphlet about how to get too good at cunnelingus. Around him all is chaos and ruin. It's pretty much 'Ozymandias' but a pussy joke.
the Sandman comes in a window to distribute dreams. That sees like a weird job.
flyer for a comedy show. A chicken fries an egg under the text 'only God can Judge me'
a pants-smuggler commits illegal acts. As they do.
little sexy guys do Aural. as in sex with earholes. Can't imagine that sounds great.
the future arrives, which ought to calm uncertainty but somehow we always manage to generate more. A king consults an oracle and gets called a dickbag.
A child with beefy arms punches a horse. The horse probably had it coming.
in case of maritime emergency escape crocodile will deploy. Please remove shoes and leave all luggage behind
It's like 'interview with the vampire' but if the interview was more of a flirt piece
'recipes' is an under-represented category in porn. We're trying to redress that a little
a sea nymph seduces a jeweler. Jeweler was pretending to be a fisher though. We're not explicitly saying you can't trust people in the arts but we are sort of implying it.
In a dungeon, a man finds a scroll of date ideas that aren't just a public execution. He and his companion go in various dates but wind up at a public execution, just like you always do. There's just something about the energy of a live gig, I guess.
A cartoon woman sits at a table and scowls. A medical drip goes into her right hand. In the foreground is a dark shape. It's supposed to be the silhouette of her husband but that really isn't clear without context.