open can of brainworms 🥫🧠🪱

@onlinefunctions.bsky.social

719 Followers 547 Following

i post with my heart critical care paramedic, landlord classicide stan, terminally online shitposter "a future is not given to you. it is something you must take for yourself." "at the end of everything, hold on to anything." *no worries*

Peach Garden stadium
A dragon on an elaborate rug turning towards a dragon treasure
A black goat looking out from the barn
The Trump Buddha statue
Key art from Amazing Cultivation Simulator, immortals play Go surrounded by dragons, yaoguai, and so on
You would have to be a real lowlife piece of shit to be proud to be an American
you'd have to be a real lowlife piece of shit to be proud to be an American
Are clowns patriotic? Are you? I'm asking the questions here. Would a crown die for its country? Everyone who has ever died for their country was a clown.
A skeleton flashing with the text "the ride never ends!!"
Mega Staraptor
Do not, acting inconsiderately, move chairs and furniture so noisily around. Likewise do not open doors with violence. Take pleasure in the practice of humility.
Masterball Rank 4 with a 5 win streak
Xfinity asking for feedback on my most recent experience with them, which was cancelling my service
A poster on the bird app: "When I pointed out that the baby's name is HH, a commenter also noted that "Hawthorne Hayes" is 14 letters. Re the Stephen Miller baby
Designasaurus study guide
Designasaurus
Digital ai avatar Sam who looks like a bishy boy but with more adult features like an incredibly strong jaw etc There's a ton of text too with a guy who loves this thing as his own child and is falling for his own grim magics by ascribing it emotions
A twitter guy for arxiv says they'll ban people if they submit things that are unchecked results of LLM generation Another expresses shock that they would be expected to know that all of their citations are real and accurate.
Winston Wolf, Pulp Fiction
Trump says "Taiwan was developed because we had presidents that didn't know what the hell they were doing."
Burger King Try Our New Bounty Whopper
Mathangi ten Meti, "Murder the Gods and Topple their Thrones," from Kill Six Billion Demons.
Fresh Idiot (kinki) $4.50/lb
Why we need the presidential ballroom
mst3k logo over SALO, OU LES 120 JOURNEI DE SODOME
The Kingdom of Conscience will be exactly as it is now. Moralists don't really *have* beliefs. Sometimes they stumble on one, like a child's toy left on the carpet. The toy must be put away immediately. And the child reprimanded.
Trump and retinue looking at a phone
Hesitate and you lose - John Sekiro
MB with a pretty lame rank but all ghosts
Bathroom stalls but very far apart like several feet
Boomhauer in front of the wheel of samsara, saying "yeah, man, tell ya what, man, that dang ol samsara, man, you just go around and dadgum around, talk about forming dang ol attachments. I meh, you got yourself hung up on dukkha, man; I'm talking about dang ol hungry ghosts, man"
Cypress Stick: a stick made of cypress wood. Can hardly be called a weapon, but somehow grants courage to its user.
A bozo punchclown that pops back up I have no idea how to describe this thing I just got off my 24 hour shift and haven't slept yet leave me alone
Deepthink "Thought for 188 seconds"
White monster energy drinks in the EMS room
Foreign affairs Although it was the United States and Israel that instigated attacks on Iran on February 28, leaders in Tehran deserve some of the blame for failing to effectively deter their adversaries.
Iranian spokesman, "your 'technical malfunctions,' 'mild brain injuries,' and 'friendly fire incidents' have been piling up"
Some x account posting a clip of Hegseth, sauced as usual, saying "the only thing prohibiting transit right now is Iran shooting at shipping. It's open for transit should Iran not do that."
Smeargle "Yes...YEEESSS!"
Sleep score no result
A box of RID-X
35 minutes of sleep
simplythick
Baltimore Crabs from Blaseball
A Rapidash, text ལོ་སར་བཟང་། happy fire horse year 2153! Year of the Rapidash 2026!
A red horse in red garments, ལ་སར་བཟང་། happy new year!
Pokemon Pokopia
Attention For security reasons doors are locked Please use your swipe key/card for entry or push call button on the right wall to speak with staff for entry Thank you
Dawn of The Final Day 24 hours remain
a young child is drawing the cool S
What would Vladimir Ilyich have done in this situation? The kind Vladimir Ilyich would have shot everybody here.
a pastiche mural of trump tanking the economy representing him ironically as a maoist third worldist
A car radio, the preview for the song says "toppable"
When you make a short trade, the borrow rate will show on the stock’s detail page and will update dynamically while placing the order. A borrow fee begins accruing when the short position is opened (trade date) and will stop accruing when the short position’s closing trade is settled (settlement date). Borrow fees are charged monthly on the 4th business day of the following month. Note that borrow fees may vary by symbol. Keep in mind the short trade borrow fee is different and in addition to the cost of investing on margin.
Robinhood app introducing short sales
Trump touching his ear doing the "you're telling me now for the first time" schtick
Like 3 feet of paper towel from the dispenser in a non-profit hospital bathroom
Sec Duffy: "If you CAN'T speak English you should NOT be behind the wheel of a big rig. These are 82k pound vehicles that can be incredibly DANGEROUS" and it's this knob on Fox News
Mable ZA, "It's bad news time!"
cowboy hat Trump are you just going to scroll past without saying yeehaw?