Opium Tea

@opiumtea.com

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Diluting the trans panic with satirical gender fluid. This account collates the Opium Tea content from @alandriscoll.com. opiumtea.com patreon.com/terfipedia buymeacoffee.com/opiumtea

The gout of blood was caught by his thrashing prop and sprayed back, a crimson rain. And so close was Rowling that it spattered on her goggles. With wide open gun, the Terry hurled itself down across the five miles to smash to deadly ruin. Rowling and Harris laughed joyously. They had worked that trick before. But today, their success was more important than ever. “Like I said, not today,” said Rowling, turning into a spiral to regain altitude. “Now let’s get these lesbians home.”
The force of the zoom died. The Muj realised his dilemma, for Rowling was descending like a comet. Desperately, the Muj tried to fall away and out of range, but his control surfaces were no longer sensitive. Fall away he did, but in a bad slip that left him helpless. Like a devil from hell, Rowling howled down upon the helpless Terry, who wriggled and dodged as the tracer sprayed him. He raised up, and showed a face contorted with horror. At that second a seven-slug burst caught him square in the neck and practically sawed his head off.
At the same instant the uprushing Muj opened fire. Rowling’s Vickers trembled on their mountings, a blue haze vomited from the black snouts. The golden tracer sprayed like sparks from an emery wheel. She never released the trips. Around her head, through the wings, into the whirl of her prop came the Ali Baba smoke tracer, little grey threads of death. Behind, the Lewis gun chattered like a mad monkey, and the Terry, replying, filled the air with staccato hammering. The Terry came up, and splashed into the shower of slugs that Rowling threw at him.
But the deadly Lewis shooting slugs like a mad thing forced the Muj to veer wide. The surprise had failed. “Not today, Terry,” said Rowling. “The LGB Alliance fights for all same-sex attracted people, and you’ll have to get up a lot earlier in the damn morning if you plan on pulling the wool over our eyes.” Rowling grinned, sharpened the bank, and nosed down at the Terry coming up like a skyrocket. Her own fingers tightened on the stick trigger. “Take it,” she muttered, and pressed the Bowden trip.
But before Kate had time to radio the base, down the sky, roaring like a banshee from hell, came a checkered Terry. Rowling had been droning at half throttle. A smash of her palm drove the lever against the peg, and the gunned Liberty screamed out its song. She straightened the bank, zoomed and made a reverse bank. At the same moment, Kate’s Lewis began to chatter like an electric typewriter. Even as the golden tracers spat toward the oncoming Terry, smoke tracer from the Ali Baba began to peck at the wings, ricocheting bluely off the cocking handles of Rowling’s Vickers, and ripped through strut and linen.
Rowling goosed the huge Liberty out of line, flipped into the wind and poured the gun to her. Sweetly, she took her off in a fast climbing turn and began to spiral for altitude. The ceiling was not so high and there were thick, cumulous clouds with holes in them. Holes through which Terry Taliban could spy on them, and make a surprise attack. But Rowling hugged close to them, and droned steadily on, working up to fourteen thousand feet. When a few Muj shells burst blackly below, she cut her gun and yelled: “Wireless O.K.?”
Rowling legged it into the cockpit and started checking her twin Vickers, moving the controls. Kate “Banger” Harris got in behind and looked over the Lewis gun mounted on the tourelle, before tying the little cords to Rowling’s arms, the cords with which she guided the pilot right or left as she was spotting shots. “Right!” Rowling suddenly swore, unfastened her safety belt and climbed down. “Dammit, I forgot my bottle. I’ll be right back.” She ran across the tarmac to the LGB Alliance camp and returned to belt herself in.
'Lesbian Rescue' - A J.K. Rowling Adventure.
Comic strip: Graham Linehan, Civil Rights Hero.
Comic strip: Helen Joyce, Intellectual Giant.
Judge orders Father Ted musical to go ahead right there in the courtroom; Graham Linehan found not guilty of all charges; awarded a hug from J.K. Rowling as compensation.
Comic strip: Graham Linehan is "Defending Himself".
Comic strip: Graham Linehan is "Defending Himself".
Comic strip: Graham Linehan is "Defending Himself".
Comic strip: Graham Linehan is "Defending Himself".
Ricky Gervais announces new Netflix special 'Keyjangling'.
Stewart Lee and Richard Herring put their differences aside to unite in powerful display of ambivalence about transphobic abuse in the UK comedy scene.
Graham Linehan found guilty of harassment and criminal damage, sentenced to two years with Rob Schneider.
God proposes a series of updates to the design of the human body designed to end gender-based conflict, including eliminating sexual anxiety and shame by introducing separate penises for pissing and cumming.
Trans woman with I.B.S. overjoyed to find herself at the mercy of humanity’s efforts to reconcile the psychological overlap between its reproductive and excretory bodily functions.
Comic strip: Weekend at Bernsie's.
Millions rejoice as satirical website relaunches.
Comic strip: Wichita Linehan.
Logo: Lesbian Weekend Television.
Helen Joyce's seminal academic text 'Rants: When Idiocy Meets Vanity'.
New from Opium Tea Toys, the Marion Millar action figure.
Comic strip. Life imitates art: This 1919 cartoon accurately predicted being called a pedophile on social media over 100 years ago.
Helen Joyce launches new range of merchandise.
Comic strip: Joanne's Scarecrow.
The poster for the upcoming season of Taking Stock.
Graham Linehan experiences first ever moment of moral uncertainty as Israeli bomb accidentally destroys breasts of Palestinian trans man.
Ray Blanchard watches ‘Moon’, immediately publishes paper on Astroclonephilia.
Opium Tea News: ‘Giggle’ founder Sall Grover under fire as members’ skull measurements leaked in security breach. Giggle markets itself as an online space “designed to give girls choice, control and connection”, with no men allowed on the app. The sign-up process involves a biometric scan in which the contours of the applicant’s skull are measured to generate an ethnographic profile allowing the app to determine the user’s gender, likely ethnicity, and potential tendencies towards criminal or predatory behaviour. While Miss Grover was quick to reassure new users that the security flaw had been fixed, this will be of little comfort to the thousands of women whose cranial dimensions have already found their way into the public domain. ​ Indeed, many users expressed concern that the very predatory males they had sought sanctuary from would target and take advantage of those women with lower foreheads and larger occipital bones, highly prized potential mates with larger mental organs relating to faith, fidelity and the care of children.
Opium Tea News: Julie Bindel or Burchill banned from Facebook for hateful conduct. Feminist writer Julie Bindel or Burchill has been banned from Facebook after failing to heed several warnings about hateful conduct and inciting harassment. This is not the first time the outspoken contrarian has landed herself in hot water after controversial comments on social media and in her newspaper column, including a history of Islamophobic remarks deemed deeply offensive to the Muslim community. Ms Bindel or Burchill has also faced accusations of transphobia having described trans women as “men in frocks”, and courted controversy by writing dismissively about the experiences of bisexual women. Julie, who probably has a book coming out about cancel culture, decried the mass reporting of “woke warriors” as an attempt to censor her on Facebook, and announced her migration to Substack. ​ The middle-aged comedy feminist is also expected to appear in a selection of national newspapers over the course of the week, posing with two pieces of sellotape across her mouth as a powerful visual metaphor for her continued silencing.
The song 'Calling People Pedos' by Grinner Bub.
Graham Linehan briefly unable to access Twitter.
Investigative journalist Andrew Gold grills Posie Parker on balancing gender critical activism with filming season 3 of The White Lotus.
Comic strip: Joanne's Scarecrow.
Comic strip: Mr. God, Planet Manager.
Helen Joyce launches new range of merchandise.
Elon Musk's racecar bed bursts into flames.
Ricky Gervais announces new Netflix special 'Keyjangling'.
TRIGGERnometry announce spin-off show 'Gethsemane Street' to educate children on the horrors and occasional necessity of genocide.
Lesbian Rescue: An LGB Alliance Adventure.
Lesbian Rescue: An LGB Alliance Adventure.
Lesbian Rescue: An LGB Alliance Adventure.
Lesbian Rescue: An LGB Alliance Adventure.
Comic strip: David Earl Phones His Agent.
Comic strip: Ricky Gervais, Child Rapist.
Sex Mates Guide to single-sex spaces (toilets and that).
Sex Mates Guide to single-sex spaces (toilets and that).
Sex Mates Guide to single-sex spaces (toilets and that).
Sex Mates Guide to single-sex spaces (toilets and that).
Opium Tea presents The Gender Critical Tweet Generator.
International community expresses mild skepticism over Trump’s plan to create ‘Central American Superhighway’ by filling the Panama Canal with the Gaza Strip.
Comic strip: Joanne's Scarecrow.
Comic strip: David Earl Phones his Agent.