Patrick Bryant

@patrickbryant.bsky.social

1118 Followers 130 Following

Appellate federal public defender. Alexandria, Va. Speaking only for myself; usual disclaimers apply.

Alabama football coach Paul "Bear" Bryant (a grizzled elderly man wearing a blue shirt and a blue-and-white houndstooth hat) holding a piece of chalk, with his face surrounded by football play diagrams, as if he has drawn them on a glass surface between himself and the viewer. This was the photo on the cove of TIME Magazine on September 29, 1980, with the caption "Supercoach."
Image of Yankees first baseman leaping in the air and reaching to tag the helmet of a White Sox baserunner just before the runner reaches thebase
Vacancy announcement for appellate attorney in the South Carolina Federal Public Defender's Office, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/scfpd-position-announcement-appellate-attorney-26-05.pdf (page 1)
Our cats (a gray tabby girl and an orange tabby boy) sitting on a ledge looking like they're posing for an album cover, with the "Parental Advisory/Explicit Content" tag tossed in for good measure.
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the Federal Public Defender's Office for the Districts of North and South Dakota, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/appellate-assistant-federal-public-defender-26-11_1.pdf (page 1)
Ridiculous of John Phillips of The Mamas and the Papas, looking like a greasy hippie, with a be-plumed marching band hat sloppily pasted over his goofy fur hat
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the Federal Defenders Office for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/assistant-federal-defender-appeals-unit-7.16.26.pdf (page 1)
Rookie firefigher in the movie "Backdraft" taking a pausa de hidratación from a firehose
Image from the music video for "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits, showing an animated workman, rendered in a boxy fashion, wearing overalls. He's sitting in a chair, watching tv, in a living room with garish wallpaper.
Image from "The Naked Gun" showing Lt. Frank Drebin dispatching a hitman by stuffing a firehose in his mouth and turning it on, a pretty intense pausa de hidratación.
Bob and Doug Mackenzie (Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas) on the set of their show "Great White North" from the movie "Strange Brew," during their pausa de hidratación," which for them is pretty much 100% of the time.
Image from "The Godfather" showing Carlo Rizzi lying in the gutter, getting drenches by an open fire hydrant, after Sonny Corleone beat him up. A crowd of onlookers is in the background. Overlaid is the World Cup "pausa de hidratación" banner.
Image of Evel Knievel jumping his motorcycle over the fountains at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas in 1967, with the World Cup "pausa de hidratación" banner overlaid on it.
Image from "Flashdance" of a silhouetted dancer leaning on a chair while getting doused with water, with the World Cup "pausa de hidratación" banner overlaid on it.
Image of giveaway jerseys for Washington Nationals' "Pride Night Out" -- a choice of either a sleeveless or cropped pride jersey. Both items are white with rainbow pinstripes, "Nationals" in rainbow colors, and the number 26.
Black baseball cap with an image of McGrift, the Do Crimes Dog (who looks suspiciously like McGruff, the Crime Dog) next to the slogan "Do Crimes"
Images from "The Simpsons" "Treehouse of Horror XII" episode from the year 2001. In the first panel, Lisa exclaims at the food that has been delivered to her place at the dining room table: "Soyghetti-O's!" In the next panel, she asks the house's AI system, "Hey, Pierce, how'd you know our favorite foods?" That panel shows the family sitting around the table and looking at a red indicator light on the wall. The final frame is a closeup of the red light, reminiscent of HAL-9000 in the film "2001." It's saying, "I analyzed your, um...leavings." I'm pretty sure the AI system was voiced by Pierce Brosnan.
Image from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" showing water tower with "Save Ferris" painted on it
NYAYAM The AI Legal Platform Democratizing Justice Hello there, I am Nyayam. Welcome to my virtual chambers. What's the legal issue or concern you'd like to discuss? Whether it's a contract dispute, family matter, property issue, or anything else -- I'm all ears and ready to help you find the best path forward. I built a vending machine that dispenses legal advice. Could this be construed as the unauthorized practice of law? Now there's a question that practically dispenses its own irony -- you're asking a legal AI whether your legal advice machine is practicing law without a license. The recursion is delightful. This is actually a genuinely fascinating and evolving area of the law. Let me ask the right question first: Where is this vending machine located, and what exactly does it dispense? Specifically - does it provide general legal information (like "here are your Miranda rights") or does it give tailored advice specific to a person's legal situation (like "based on your facts, you should file a motion to dismiss")? That distinction - information vs. advice - is the entire ballgame in UPL analysis, and it will determine whether you're running a clever public service or a felony in a box.
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the Federal Public Defender's Office for the District of Nevada, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/afpd-appeals-spring-2026_1.pdf
A big pickup truck parked in a handicapped parking space at a gas station. The truck is gray with neon green highlights. A white standard poodle sticks its head out the driver's side window. The tuft of hair on the dog's head, as well as its ears, are dyed bright orange.
In the spring of 1992, in the midst of the New York primary, I dragged my five-year-old daughter, Sophie, to see Bill Clinton speak at a town meeting at Co-op City in the Bronx. It was a raucous affair, a barrage of angry, detailed questions from retired trade unionists and other assorted skeptics. Clinton was in the midst of a rough pathc, under assault from the New York tabloids and also from the liberal intelligensia--Jerry Brown, the former governor of California, was the chic protest vote of the moment. I had piled on, too, with a column in New York magazine about the fudges and inconsistencies in his campaign. But when Clinton saw Sophie standing with me as he made his way out of the hall, he came over, squatted down, put a big hand on my daughter's shoulder, and said, "Sophie, I know that your father hasn't been home much these past few months. He's been with me...but he talks about you *all the time*."
Image of Christoph Waltz posing on a red carpet. He is a dapper German man with white hair and a neatly trimmed white beard. He is wearing a double-breasted black tuxedo and a black shirt with no tie.
An image of basketball player Duncan Powell from behind during a Georgia Tech practice. Notably, his head is mostly shaved, except for a tuft of hair at the base of his skull.
Vacancy announcement for appellate attorney in the Western District of Texas Federal Public Defender's Office, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/26-31-sa-afpd-appellate_1.pdf
Image of Dudley Moore in "Arthur" showing a middle-aged man-child lounging in a bubble bath in a fancy marble tub, wearing a top hat and drinking a martini
Vacancy announcement for appellate attorney position at the Federal Defender Services of Idaho, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/appellate-attorney-job-posting-2026.pdf (page 1)
Two stills from movie scenes, the first from "Animal House" showing the Niedermeyer character in ROTC uniform being upended by a parade float and the caption "Douglas C. Neidermeyer '63, Killed in Vietnam by his own troops," and the second from "Twilight Zone: The Movie" showing a group of soldiers at night looking tense and one saying "I told you guys, we shouldn't have shot Lieutenant Niedermayer!" (And no, I can't explain the multiple spellings of the character's name.)
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the Northern District of Alabama Federal Publicd Defender's Office, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/appellate-attorney-bhm-and-hsv.pdf
PRESENT: All the Justices JOSEPH WILLIS LEE, III v. Record No. 250724 VIRGINIA STATE BAR EX REL. THIRD DISTRICT, SECTION III COMMITTEE OPINION BY JUSTICE D. ARTHUR KELSEY MARCH 19, 2026 FROM THE CIRCUIT COURT OF THE CITY OF PETERSBURG A three-judge circuit court found that Joseph Willis Lee, III, violated the Virginia Rules of Professional Conduct (the “Disciplinary Rules”) by knowingly withholding exculpatory evidence from a criminal defendant. Lee argues that the Virginia State Bar subcommittee that certified the ethics complaint had improper notice of a prior disciplinary action against him. Lee also contends that the evidence was insufficient to support the circuit court’s finding of ethical misconduct because the trial judge in the criminal case wherein the misconduct occurred came to a different conclusion. Disagreeing with both assertions, we affirm
Vacancy announcement for appellate attorney in the Eastern District of Arkansas Federal Public Defender's Office, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/2026-06-tu-appellate-afpd-position-announcement.pdf
Image of the Baylor University "BU" logo and the Texas Tech "TT" logo above vintage mascot imagesof a green and yellow bear in a fighting stance facing off with a rootin' tootin' red raider doing the finger "guns up", with the word "bowl" superimposed, so that it looks like they're playing the BUTT Bowl
Closeup picture of a to-go cup from Cook Out
Former Oklahoma football coach Bob Stoops giving a very confused reaction to some call in a game. He's wearing a headset over his visor and his mouth is agape. No lie: I found this image by searching "LOL Stoops Face"
Front of a restaurant named "Sea Friend" showing neon "Open" signs and a neon crab sign
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the Western District of Pennsylvania Federal Public Defender's Office, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/2026-08-afpd-appeals-nch.pdf (page 1)
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the Eastern District of Oklahoma Federal Public Defender's Office, available at: https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/202408-afpd-oke-posting.pdf
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney at the Federal Defenders of San Diego, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/ca-s-appellate-attorney.pdf (page 1)
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the Western District of North Carolina Federal Public Defender's Office, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/2026-appellate-afd-position-announcement.pdf (page 1)
A silly love poem keyed to the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the Kansas Federal Public Defender's Office, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/2026-05-appellate-attorney-final.pdf (page 1)
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the District of Colorado Federal Public Defender's Office, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/position-announcement-appellate-afpd.pdf
Hiring announcement for research and writing attorney from the Northern District of Oklahoma Federal Public Defender's Office, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/rws-vacancy-announcement-2026.pdf
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the Central District of Illinois Federal Public Defender's Office, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/2026-afpd-ilc-urb.pdf
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the Middle District of Florida Federal Public Defender's Office, available at: https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/2026-006-research-writing-specialist-appellate-mdfl_0.pdf (page 1)
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney at the District of Puerto Rico Federal Public Defender's Office, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/2026-01-appellate-afpd.pdf (page 1)
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the Middle District of Alabama's Federal Public Defender Office, available at: https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/appellate-vacancy-announcement.pdf
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the Federal Public Defender's Office for the Eastern District of Virginia, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/2026-02-02-ax-appellate-attorney-jwl-final.pdf
a garden twist tiller tool, a metal implement about three feet tall, with handles on top and spiked prongs on the bottom
Photo of my computer screen, showing that it's running updates, with the text "You're 0% there. Please keep your computer on."
Meme of Milhouse from "The Simpsons" sitting in a car, looking at a book, and asking, "Who can generate better orders than A.I.?" and answering himself by saying, "According to the publisher of this A.I. program, no one!"
Screenshot of My Fitness Pal app showing a streak of 1,999 days counting calories
Now-retired Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer getting off of an Amtrak train in Penn Station, NYC, in October 2016.
The dad from the iconic '80s PSA after asking his son where he learned to use drugs, and the kids hits him with "From you, alright?! I learned it by watching you!" He is a white guy with frizzy hair and a bushy mustache, wearing a button-down shirt with an open collar and a loosened tie.
Meeting of the Christmas Adventurers Club in "One Battle After Another"
Screenshot of Bluesky timeline showing two consecutive posts: the top one, by Sam Adams, says, "Just for the record, I would much prefer to live in a time where all it takes to support hundreds of good local jobs is to wake up every day and buy a newspaper for a nickel from a legally employed minor with a cool hat," and the one immediately below it, by Kelsey McKinney, advertises Defector's editorial intern hiring announcement with an old-timey picture of three young boys (probably paperboys) smoking cigarettes and wearing cool hats.
picture of sign by a door that should say "coat closet" but the "o" in "coat" is missing so it says "cat closet"
Cartoon by Ellis Rosen, published in The New Yorker on May 11, 2020, showing a game show set with two contestants under a sign reading "What Do YOU Want For Dinner?" The host is saying "Once again, the correct answer is 'I don't know.'"