Patrick Johanneson 🚀 🇨🇦

@patrickjohanneson.com

1828 Followers 2841 Following

Part-time prevaricator. He/him 🇨🇦 https://patrickjohanneson.com/ Avatar by @badguybirnie.bsky.social's kid Ukrainian wheat field header by Alex @aplante.com Plante I'm also on Mastodon — https://mstdn.ca/@pjohanneson

Short answer "yes" with an "if", long answer "no" with a "but".
an angry-looking man throws his hands in the air and shouts, "I guess"
A very aged David Bowman, lying in a bed in a liminal hotel room near the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey, with a black monolith at the foot of the bed
"Short answer 'yes' with an 'if', long answer 'no' with 'but'."
sunset over Clear Lake, with evergreen trees silhouetted in the foreground
Nightmares again. This is getting old fast, I must say. When I woke up Fizzgig was sitting beside my bed, her ears back, watching the door like she expected someone or something to come through it. I rolled onto my side and rubbed her neck and her flank, muttering "It's OK, it's OK" in a soothing voice even though I wasn't sure I believed it. At least I seem to have gotten enough sleep, even if it was full of visions of fire and lightning. TGIF, as they say.
The sculpture "Maman", a giant metal spider, at the National Gallery in Ottawa
A couple 24-packs (or "two-fours" in Canadian parlance) of Laurentien-brand pencil crayons
Panel 1: Bone sits under a tree, shadowed by a thick layer of snow falling all at one Panel 2: just the sound effect WHUMP! Panel 3: Bone, covered to his neck in snow, wearing a pile of snow like a hat, says "Case in point."
Homer says to Bart, "Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter"
Rev. Lovejoy to Flanders: "Ooh... Short answer 'yes' with an 'if', long answer 'no' with a 'but'."
the Milky Way above a lake
a poster of a giant hand pointing at the viewr, with the following text beneath: No * * No For more information please reread this poster (original from Scarfolk Council)
For most of the last year I've been shuttling back and forth between the house and the hospital, and last month Mom finally passed on to whatever comes next. Zinnia came home from Türkiye and Ivan from Fernie for the funeral, and we all slept in our childhood bedrooms. Zinnia's jet lag made her alternately sad and angry, and Ivan seemed like he was constantly feeling a frankly uncharacteristic guilt that, had it manifested itself while Mom was alive, might have meant he'd have come home and spelled me off for a while. They're gone again now, Ivan back to his ski-hill fiefdom and Zinnia to whatever part of Asia she's trying to white-saviour next, and I'm here just long enough to sell the house.
poster for For the Moment, starring Russell Crowe
A calendar made of Lego
Screenshot of the "Autoplay media and GIFs" setting, which I always want to be "off" but has magically set itself to "on" against my wishes
Windows XP dialog box that says "Task failed successfully"
Simpsons GIF: two men sitting in the empty restaurant that they own. One says angrily to the other, "Sometimes I think you WANT to fail!"
Recent selfie with my right arm in a splint; my T-shirt has a quote from Jorge Luis Borges: "I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library."
a photo of me, standing under an aurora-filled sky
I said nothing, for example, about when I was about thirteen, sitting in the westernmost bedroom on the second floor with Ivan, gazing out at the town's bulbous, disused water tower. Men rendered tiny with distance were re-painting the huge letters AWA on the tower's flank, industrious as ants, changing the letters' colour incrementally from sun-faded brown to crisp black. "Did you see that?" Ivan said. "See what?" I said, but I already knew. I *had* seen it, but I was hoping I hadn't *really* seen it, that if we didn't talk about it I could pretend it hadn't happened. "Someone fell." I closed my eyes and then, because I saw again in my mind's eye the tiny pinwheeling figure, opened them again. "No," I said. I was desperately close to crying and I wanted, *needed*, him not to see it. "He did." "No," I said again. It was almost sunset and the glare was hot and bright. "You imagined it. It must have been a trick of the light, or a branch, or maybe a bug—" "I know what I saw." He was three years younger than me but he'd always been more assertive, more confident in his rightness. It surprised no one who knew him that he went first into law and then into business.
Facebook ad that features, for some reason, a dumpster wrapped in pink Wait, no, that might be a cyber truck.
2 panel comic/meme 1: a dude looks unhappy, scowling with his arms crossed 2: he throws his hands in the air and says "I guess"
diagram of the Star Wars leitmotiv "I've got a bad feeling about this."
A cumulus cloud being needlessly dramatic above the back lane
13 Engines — Perpetual Motion Machine
Screenshot of a broken link at the link shortener
My dad in his natural habitat: a camp chair in a wooded area
Snoopy types, Gentlemen, Regarding the recent rejection slip you sent me. I think there might have been a misunderstanding. What I really wanted was for you to publish my story, and send me fifty thousand dollars.
Rev. Lovejoy says to Ned Flanders, "Ooh, short answer 'yes' with an 'if', long answer 'no' with a 'but'."
A rabbit in winter, nicknamed Hoss (short for "hasenpfeffer")
illustration from Tom Weller's Science Made Stupid: a derpy dinosaur about to take a big ol' bite out of his own tail
Screenshot showing that Bluesky has marked Ashley's "oops maybe I'm clumsy" video as Adult Content for no discernible reason
A couple bottles of Writer's Tears (a delicious Irish whiskey)
Comet NEOWISE against a deep-blue twilight sky
A screnshot of my Markdown editing experience in Typora, showing an indented blockquote and some italicized text
My sunglasses, with the left lens all scratched up, and the square face of my Fitbit, smashed all to hell.
Headline: "The End of Programming"
My Lego calendar, showing the month of June
Lilacs in bloom
PANCAKE CAVE but it's the Waffle House font
A rainbow against a cloud-muddled sky, with a hint of clear blue at top centre; in the bottom-left corner there are the black silhouettes of trees
A happy family runs along a beach. The father carries a child on his back. The child screams "Faster, Papa! Faster!" and he replies "Ha! Okay, Sweet Pea!" A second child runs ahead, saying "This is the best day! I'm gonna remember this for the rest of my life!" The comic's caption reads, "Later, it turned out the people in the comic were just pictures, without any past or any future. Less than dead, they never were." Tilly Norwood, IMHO, is less even than these pictures.
Two black T-shirts that read MEATHOOKS in a heavy-metal style font; one is rather faded, the other is brand new
Simpsons GIF: two brothers in their empty restaurant; one says to the other, "Sometimes I think you WANT to fail!"
A poster for Rogue One: a Star Wars Story
Jessica Walter playing Lucille Blyth in Arrested Development
It's 4:30 am. I'm going to go back to bed as soon as I've got this down; it feels like it might be important. I dreamt that I was in a forest fire. I was safe because I was a ghost, but no one else was. The trees blazed all around me, and I felt the heat of their passing. Animals fled past me, wide-eyed and panicked, predator and prey united in terror. Firefighters sprayed water that turned to steam. Flames jumped from crown to crown. The wind was hot and stank of ash and endings. I walked unhurt but not unmarked to the edge of a sullen lake whose entire surface had gone black with ash. I watched its lazy undulations for a while, like a pool of oil disturbed by unseen forces. Beneath the ash, beneath the water, I knew that entire ecosystems were collapsing.
They Might Be Giants lyrics Song: "Minimum Wage" Lyrics: Minimum Wage! Yah! (There's also the sound of a cracking whip, which is ignored in these lyrics)
Star Trek: Voyager title card. USS Voyager is in the lower-left corner. Title: "Maybe I Shoulda Took a Left Turn at Albaquoique" (Bugs Bunny's "I'm lost" catchphrase)
Star Trek: Voyager title card. USS Voyager fills most of the frame. The episode title is "You Need to See This One or Else You Won't Understand Like Three Jokes in Lower Decks"
Star Trek: The Original Series title card. The USS Enterprise is in orbit around a blue-and-white planet. The title is "The Empire Strikes Back"
Star Trek: The Next Generation title screen: the Enterprise is alongside an asteroid which is, for [insert technobabble here] reasons, spewing gas or dust; in the distance is a small, dim yellow star. The episode title is "One of our Worfs is missing"
The "Word Clock", en français, reading «il est quatre heures moin le quart»
A billboard showing a woman embracing a man from behind, and the man is barbecuing some meat. The text reads "Pork. The one you love." (and that first period is doing a lot of work, IMHO); the billboard is advertising for Sask Pork.
The cover of ROM Spaceknight, issue #1 (from Marvel) ROM is a ... robot? human? in silver armor, muscled like a superhero, with a square head and red glowing eyes, holding a red laser gun-looking device
A map of my ride today