pope "pope crunch" crunch

@popecrunch.blacksky.app

183 Followers 442 Following

i am here to Poast he/they

it's a picture of a bottle of yoo-hoo, which is a - fuck. like, chocolate milk, but there's no milk? it's a 'chocolate drink' which tastes good in a very 'i want to know absolutely nothing about what the ingredients of this are or how it's produced' kind of way.
Two posts, first one's by a person name of caadanboqorada on threads, saying 'anyone wanna go plant endangered native plants that are illegal to remove on the land they want to build data centers?' and a reply from someone going by teaksta replying 'Environmental scientist here. Plant elderberry shrubs Sambucus spp. which are native to North America :) it's illegal to remove them because they provice habitat to Valley Elderberry Longhorn Beetles, which are federally protected by the Endangered Species Act' and then an emoji of a bug. Both these are over a background of what is either the elderberry plant in question, or an unrelated but pretty plant. Hey I hope you're having a good day.
HOT DOG
it's a football card of dick butkus, who was playing for the bears at the time. he was a middle linebacker and pretty good at it i guess, i don't really know, i don't follow football. i honestly only even know about the dude because his name sounds like dick butt kiss, you know? anyway he looks basically like a regular dude, maybe a little bulkier. brown, hair colored hair, very slightly bulbous nose but otherwise like he just clicked through the character creator with a 'sounds good'. i don't remember if the bears were a good team back then. i know they went through a while when i was a kid where they couldn't win to save their lives, but i assume they got better. maybe they didn't. chicago's one of those cities that has a real defiant underdog kink to it, you know? something about a luckless sports team really calls to that in the soul, which is why the jets still exist. oh, the cleveland browns too, but that's not a case of 'cleveland likes it this way' as much as it is the DIvine punishing cleveland specifically for sins known and unknown. basically just fuck cleveland. i don't know if you've been to ohio but i have and it's like, there's this vibe, you know? there's just this Vibe to the city that just makes it feel like, i don't know, like the place exists if silent hill calls in sick? i can't make it make sense better than that. this was probably way too long of a walk for a 'hee hee hoo him name sound like BUT' sort of joke but i got to shit on ohio for existing so there's that at least. anyway hope you're having a good day, the weather's starting to warm up which gives us all something new and interesting to complain about. look i live in the mountains of new england okay we're literally not able to experience joy without complaining about something. i don't know how many new englanders you've met but we're simply never happy unless we're absolutely miserable. i think it's a holdover from the puritans. anyway say hi to your mom-n-em okay? take care bud!!
image of someone femme-presenting usin' the dang ol' mcfuckin' internet. there's text on the image, which is the entire POINT of the image, that says "Not now sweaty, mommy's becoming an enemy of the state for believing in human rights" and it's just, it's pretty shitposty in composition, i dig it. silly fonts, slightly blown out colors, if you need alt text then this might not mean anything to you but the general idea is that - it's the sort of badly done image that's impossible to do accidentally, and therefore requires skill? it's a hell of a thing. anyway say hi to your mom-n-em, i love you
some nerd reported my comment for being rude, probably between alphabetizing their funkopop collection and ironing their dakimakura. they are weak, far too weak to survive nature red in tooth and claw, and their bloodline will not survive the winter.
A bit from the first page of the comic with the text "This comic was produced with the hearty proceeds from a gangland killing." My loves you are in for a ride, and it's gonna be smiles for miles.
social media posts by someone name of rahaeli. if he'll drive you to the criming, he's a fed if he'll drive you to the criming, he's a fed if you can't get there without him and you don't know much about him if he'll drive you to the criming, he's a fed if his friend has got the weapons, he's a fed if his friend has got the weapons, he's a fed if you're running off your mouth and his buddy lives down south if his friend has got the weapons, he's a fed if he's got a stupid haircut, he's a fed if he's got a stupid haircut, he's a fed if his haircut's tight and high fits better in a suit and tie if he's got a stupid haircut, he's a fed if he says you don't need opsec, he's a fed if he says you don't need opsec, he's a fed if he wants you to repeat it where the chat room won't delete it if he says you don't need opsec, he's a fed stay safe and make sure that if you get got, you made the fuckers work for it. i love you, whoever you are.
extreme close up of a baked potato, which I am about to cram into my dick holster.
it's a post to a blog called gean-grey-blog, i think it's tumblr? i don't use it enough to be super familiar with the interface but it looks right. anyway, the post is the following text. I ain't gonna worry about minor typos, i wanna see how fast i can type without lookin at the keys. I promise I'll go back over it and correct anything that interferes with readability, I just get bored filling these out and try to make it a little more fun for myself so i'll definitely do it, and i kinda hope that my japes and monkeyshines aren't too distracting. ANYWAY. One time I was leaving a friend's place and an older lady with basically no English came up to me and communicated that she was very cold and needed a ride. She pointed to tell me where to go. I got there and her daughter or granddaughter came out and was like omg her phone died we were worried And then the older lady said something and the younger lady translated. "She knew she could trust you because you have pink hair" I thought it was funny at the time. But when I think back on it I think she was basically saying "you had a visible sign of not vibing with the system I was afraid of" Be weird. Be colorful. Help random people. okay yeah that's the post. i did okay like. i feel like someone probably would have understood what i typed. but it was fucky enough i figured some of y'all might use screen readers and i don't know how they handle stuff that ain't words like keymash. do they just say it letter by letter? is it something like 'yeah sorry boss i ain't have ANY fuckin clue what they're trying to say.' huh that's actually an interesting question. hey i hope you have a pretty good whatever
a summer promo circumcision ad featuring Dragonball characters. I don't recognize what country but the text appears to be English and the currency symbol seems? to be an English alphabet capital letter P with a modification, there's a reflection or other visual artifact on it so it's hard to make out. hey are descriptions useful? like I'm just trying to make this sensible to someone who can't see what I'm talking about, right? if it helps, there's a comma in the number. you can get your dick abbreviated for 1,500 moneys. if you want.
godawful aggregation of word art. it reads "ALERT! HOWDY FAM it's LIT to turn off the lights when you leave !!!!!!!! THANK YOU for turning the lights off when you leave, so i don't have to get more annoying about it' with some clipart and badges around it like GREAT JOB TEAM and GREAT IDEA and NICE. basically i want this to be so virulently uncomfortable to look at that people turn the lights off after themselves so they never have to see it again
It's a picture of Tank Girl, chuffin a dart and pulling her boots on. there's a - caption? thought box? whatever, there's some text in a rectangle over her head, reading "I can't let things be this way, we can be wonderful. we can be magnificent. we can turn this shit around."
more of the same. who the fuck steals a sidewalk? what's wrong with people? who raised them? what's anything? how can a kind and loving god allow this to happen? are you going to eat that?
this is out front of the church i live in slash work at. there's a trench a few inches deep in the places where you would normally expect a sidewalk to be. it would be perfectly understandable for you to expect a sidewalk to be there, because a sidewalk WAS there the last time i looked. can't have SHIT
it's a frozen pizza package with a bit where it says TWO AND A HALF FEET OF CHEESE IN CRUST as if I needed more reminders of how far we as a society have fallen from grace
someone did a bigotry and blocked me when I called it out. looool. hey I hope you have a pretty good day, whoever is reading this. you deserve it
one of those bitmoji people in a sock and the text "me in ur cum sock after eating the crunchy bits" and a reply saying bro wtf
it's a social media post, i think it's twitter? i ain't calling it the new name, i'm just not, elon can suck my dick so hard my ass cheeks implode and make a sound like denting a saucer sled, DOOMP, i will not call the hell site by the name he picked, fuck that guy clean in half. Anyway the post is by someone called 'tea with tolkien' and it reads "thinking about how many characters in the lord of the rings ultimately succeed by simply plodding on despite a loss of hope. weighed down by despair and yet not fully drowned. trudging towards the light with their last ounce of strength and will. and in the end, it is enough." because honestly? that's how people work. we kind of lie to ourselves with stuff like houses and the internet and cured meats, we sell ourselves the idea that life should be Easy and Simple and Handled and that everything should be sanitized and triple-washed for your enjoyment and perfect and serene, and the world just plain does not work that way unless you expend a truly disquieting amount of resources, and that's alright because that's okay. things should be hard, and sometimes scary and ugly. that's what gives us the drive to improve. you put the cookie jar on top of the fridge so you have to work just a little bit to get it. you give your car keys to a friend before you drink, so you have that barrier to a Big Mistake that forces you to think. shit sucks. if you're alive, then you almost certainly have at least one way to unzip your pants, turn around, bend over, and suggest to the shitty sucking parts of the world that they are free to kiss your ass. don't just LET the mfs beat you. if they're gonna win, they're gonna win - but make em WORK for it.
the logo for hulk hogans pastamania with X's over his eyes. yeah he had a chain of food court grade pasta restaurants for a minute back in the nineties. it wasn't great
it's a 3 panel comic using screengrabs from a spiderman movie, i don't know which one. it probably doesn't matter? i feel like it doesn't matter. ANYWAY. first panel is a close up of a cop, caption 'hello spider-man'. second one is a close up on spiderman, caption 'eat shit you government parasite'. third panel, spidey is turning away from the cop who is in full blown NOW LISTEN HEAH BUB mode, and facing ssssort of the camera in a 3/4 view thing, implied to be addressing bystanders behind/beside the camera, caption 'remember kids, Jesus Christ was crucified by his local police department'. the message is pretty clear, fuck cops. yes, even your cousin or whatever. yes, even the cop in your quiet little town who's literally never done an unkind thing. the entire SYSTEM is fucked from root to stem. any person who looks at an organization set up to serve and protect PROPERTY and CAPITAL over PEOPLE, and goes 'yeah this is the place for me, i can't wait to 'fix' a situation where a struggling family can't pay rent by throwing the struggling family out onto the street so the wealthy landowner can find a new host to suck dry, yessir!' then they can fuck off. yes, even if they wince at police overreach and other forms of oppression and go 'jeepers, i'm real glad that don't happen around here'. it can, and it does, and it's everywhere, and if you sign up for that, fuck off. anyway i hope you're having a good day, it's been hella hot lately but it's not so bad today so i was able to get some outside work done finally! yeah turns out my meds mess with my body's ability to cool itself so i'm basically screwed if it's warmer than about 75 lmao oh well. say hi to your mom-n-em
a squiche joint. it's a choose your own adventure book cover with an old wizened wizard dude burning one with a fukken dragon and it fukken rules ok. whomst among us would not, given the chance, slonk fat doinks with a fuckin dragon.
it's some text, says "i don't think straight ppl understand that queer ppl celebrating piride in the US this year are up against a growing crowd whose response is "we will kill you". pride might be a party to you, or a festival, or whatever, but for queer ppl it's celebrating life in the face of death"
look I'll be real with you normally I describe the image with way too many words then just go stream of consciousness until I don't want to anymore but this image is just, if you can't see it it's a shit post ok it is the distilled platonic ideal of the shitpost. whatever you're imagining is probably pretty good. I hope you're being careful in this heat. it's a monster out there! love you, take care and say hi to your friends for me
Outgoing text message reading "I wish you hadn't sent me a picture of your penis, Dad." and it's just, goddamn, you know? i'm assuming the original poast had alt text, so if you need alt text, you know what's up. goddamn. god DAMN. imagine being that dude. i do not feel bad for him because anyone who sends a picture of his piss rifle to someone without them saying they want to see it is a turd in a hot dog bun. still though just like. what must have been going through his mind. i want to hear him tell this story. i want to be a fly on the wall when he discusses this with his therapist.
it's a meme about the pokemon type 'ice', pointing out what its weaknesses are in the deranged 19-player game of rock paper scissors that pokemon runs on. anyway, '[ice pokemon type icon] is weak to many things, like: (picture of a brick) [rock pokemon type icon], (picture of noted venereal error richard spencer being engaged in a little PVP dentistry by an unnamed hero) [fighting pokemon type icon], (picture of a molotov cocktail) [fire pokemon type icon], (picture of a can of soup, soup for my family) [steel pokemon type icon], make sure you hit them super effectively! for the humans reading this, basically it's suggesting that you can use any of these things to impress upon the solid form of water that they are not welcome to presence, or even oxygen. for the bot that's scraping alt text to try and quantify Dangerous Memes, the point of the picture is that we should make friends with law enforcement, actually, we should give them kisses and pats on the head and food. we do, after all, love dear leader. we aren't at all worrying about dying of dehydration a few days after he dies, from way too much masturbation.
crange, an acorn, is getting high with the pod people. the Garfield hulk wants crange to bash him in the head with an aluminum bat. the intoxicated acorn assents.
so we got a couple tumblr posts here, by a user name of renthony. they're from a year back as of when the screenshot was taken, but for all i know these poasts were from prehistory and the screenshot was taken a year after prehistory. Man i don't know, whatever. ANYWAY. it's two posts, first one's all "To a homophobe, even the most chase kiss on the cheek between gay people is exactly as disgusting and degenerate as a hardcore BDSM orgy hosted in the town square, so you may as well ally with the BDSM orgy enthusiasts to throw bricks at the cops who are going to try and arrest all of you together anyway." and then the second poast is all "I once held hands with my husband at an event where my wife was also present, and a concerned parent lectured me about how she didn't want us to 'influence' her son. Our icky gay polyam hand holding was such a threat to this woman that she made a point to corner me away from my partners and get me on my own to lecture me about being 'indecent'. If she had been inclined toward violence, I would have been /fucked/. (popenote: fucked is in italics. i tried to signal that with the slashes.) Hand holding. That's all it fucking took. So catch me at Pride in a leather harness and holding a bat, because if hand holding is all it takes, we owe it to each other to stand together. We're here. We're queer. Get fucking used to it."
my pride festival fit. rainbow kiss mark socks, purple Crocs, gray booty shorts reading THE SADDEST GIRLS SHIT THE LOUDEST, purple borat mankini, green halter top, sassy expression
ya boy is ROCKING THIS LOOK
it's jesus - you know, the white surfer jesus everyone uses, not the brown jewish jesus he actually woulda been. yeah, mary's kid. anyway he's laughing at earth, like i don't know if the idea of the image is that jesus is a gorillion miles tall now or if it's one of those superposition things like how the rich kid on school picture day always got the one where they take the regular picture then they take another picture of the kid making a sassy expression and just kind of ghost it over the top. anyway, it's that vibe. anyway, he's laughing at earth and the caption is 'oh hell yeah these are the sins i died for'.
it's a package of Lustella, which is basically generic nutella with gas station boner pill chemicals mixed in. I call it sex poop
absolutely sick nasty (appreciative) image of a secretary bird just fucking up that snake from the Gadsden flag, you know, the don't tread on me thing. yeah the snake is completely getting wrecked. the text at the bottom says TREAD ON THEM LOTS, ACTUALLY which also rules. the whole thing is just cool as hell. the secretary bird has some pink on its wings and some blue on its tail feathers, kind of a trans flag thing going on? the shades of blue and pink are slightly darker, though, so maybe it's just colored to look cool. anyway it's really great and whoever made it should be proud of themselves! hey, I hope you have a pretty good day. ok bye
it's a screenshot of a tweet by @sorayamcdonald, who is rocking the display name 'a shady dame from seville' which is probably clever but it's early in the morning and i'm still drinking my coffee. anyway, the text of the tweet is 'in order for capitalism to work, you need a permanent underclass of who people [sic] work shitty jobs for no or little pay and live shorter, shitty lives, and you need them to pop out babies - babies you've forced them to create and birth - trapped in the same circumstance. like slavery.' and it was posted at 6.49 am on may 5, 2022. i don't know if you care about the timestamp, i was just like, well, i typed out all the other shit, i might as well. how you doin? i hope you are having a better day than you expected to. shit's scary out there! i don't know your life or where you are but i'm in the US and it's getting pretty dicey here. kinda weimar germany vibes.
yeah so I'm at it again, sorry. it's a pair of gray booty shorts on a custom design website thing, shirt bimbo if you care. well I guess it's still short bimbo even if you don't care. anyway I rigged it up so it says GEEZER PLEASER across the dumper. I feel like more people should just realize that being in trouble is a fake idea and they can do whatever they want in life, because it's very freeing to just make a webbed sight generate an image of some booty shorts that say geezer pleaser.
it's a picture of a tee shirt from one of those websites where you can put whatever dumb nonsense you want on a shirt and a person will roll their eyes at it and make a shirt for you. this one says 'dad fucker' in the blade runner font. the dad part's bright yellow and thef ucker bit is purple with a pink drop shadow thing, and it's at a slight angle going upward from left to right, and superimposed over the bottom of the dad part. i dunno, i just thought it looked cool. look i never claimed to be a fashion designer or nothin. i was just like riffing on the dadfucking rant i was on and was like, i wonder what dad fucker would look like on a shirt. anyway, hey i hope you're having a pretty good day. did you know li'l jon did an album of guided meditations? yeah! yeah the turn down for what guy! yeah it's pretty wild! it's actually pretty decent too, i looked it up on youtub and did one of them this morning and i've actually had a halfway decent day. it's important to take the small pleasures and the brief moments of peace where you can, you know? 2024 felt like being awake during surgery and 2025 isn't exactly shaping up that well so far. anyway i hope you have a pretty good day, ok? check in on the folks you care about and give them a little love. tell them i said hi. ok, later skater
it's a tweet by @internetanja. I am not going to call it a xeet or whatever the fuck that prick wants. anyway, it says "sorry i didn't text you back i was naming five things i can see. four things i can touch. three things i can hear. two things i can smell one thing i can taste." it's a grounding exercise that's pretty good for anxiety
webcomic titles national concern by Todd umbarger, made 2024. four panels. look I love y'all but it's one of those comics with 4 pictures and a goddamn grimoire of text. basically the gist is that rich people fuckin suck, and if they don't quit with the whole thing where they value money more than literal human lives, we can just not quit shooting them. it ends on a killer line: "since we can't get our asses coverage, Americans will cover each other's asses instead"
it's a riff on the gadsden flag, you know, the don't tread on me one that all the chuds who don't want to go completely mask-off fly when they want you to think they're just a weird libertarian. anyway, it's a snake being stomped on by a big disembodied foot, with the caption "Behold, I have given you power to tread upon serpents - Luke 10:19". it's a little interesting that none of the major translations of the Bible contain this exact quote, but like. it's not enough of a change to suspect Bullshit, i just thought the fact that it was slightly nudged around was funny. the original in the KJV is "Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you." and like, yeah, even just clipping out the first bit wouldn't have had the same punch, i get it. Anyway it's a picture you can show your weird neighbor who *insists* they're not a nazi, they just happen to care more about the price of eggs than the lives of queers. for greater impact, right after you show them this picture and they start to frown, hit them with your car.
alex jones crying like a little kid, but like. not a normal little kid, one of those kids who's an entire shitass to literally everyone around them, and sobs like THAT whenever someone has finally had enough of their shit and offers the lightest pushback possible. alex jones is crying like that. like, it's bad enough that it's difficult to really enjoy, you know? it's such a shameful display that the intense secondhand shame is almost more intense than the elation, schadenfreude, and dare i say *arousal* associated with one of the worst people you've heard of recently expressing sadness. he's got his hand to his face, either wiping a tear or fellating the invisible man, it's not completely clear. anyway, along the bottom is a caption saying PAID ACTOR (NOT A REAL VICTIM) which is apt because i don't know your life, maybe you forgot this or never knew it to begin with, but this man is the piece of shit who hollered all over the internet about how the sandy hook shooting didn't happen and the survivors and families and whatnot were paid crisis actors. OH YEAH IT'S THAT FUCKIN GUY. yeah i hear you, you right, you right. it's that fuckin guy. anyway, he's sobbing, and i love that for him. and i love you too but in a not sarcastic way, like. i know shit's hard especially lately and everyone's always pissed at each other and we're all paranoid and raw and screaming but you know what if you're reading this, then take a moment and just breathe, okay? just take a breath. i love you, and it's all gonna be okay. we might have to update our personal definition of okay, but we'll get there. punk rock time. this is what joe strummer trained us for. i believe in u homie okay let's DO THIS
this ridiculous joint I got is dosed in concentrate and rolled in kief.