Theodore Hill (he/him)

@probablyharmless.bsky.social

2696 Followers 678 Following

Writer of (mostly) horror. Also trans, queer, polyam, and Jewish. theodorehill.weebly.com for contact info, publication credits, and super strange testimonials. Co-Editor @dielaughingmag.bsky.social / Wario of @cassandradaucus.bsky.social

On a cork shelf, a stack of ten small rectangular pieces of glass in approximately the same size, each with carefully but amateurly beveled edges.
A sort of blurry photo of a TV, onscreen Dr Julian Bashir puzzles over a mysterious machine as Lieutenant Commander Data approaches from the hall.
A close-up photo of a cookbook, propped open on a seated person's lap (mine). The page of the book is discolored with food dye and flour has fallen from the open book onto the dark colored fabric of my pants.
A cross stitched tyrannosaurus Rex constructed of geometric blocks of color, mostly blues, purples, and browns, with one shock of red in its mouth.
A text screenshot with me (purple baloons) on the right and my friend (gray balloons) on the left. At the top it is indicated that the conversation took place today. Me: Oh this is fucked up. I'm obsessed. (2 episodes in) Friend: it gets better/worse Me: Yeah um. I finished it. Friend: Thoughts (eyes emoji) Me: I am going to start biting people (The top of a further purple bubble is shown, to indicate the conversation continued.)
A text message screenshot from Sunday April 12th (today). Cassandra (gray bubble): I posted rawdogging this morning! Theodore (teal bubble): What an amazing text to receive in a professional capacity.
A flat cardboard box labeled "VÅRKÄNSLA" in classic ikea style. Pictured on the box, the three componant parts and finished shape of a flatpack chocolate bunny.
A screenshot of a text from my mom, with an image attached. The image is of a 12 year old Theodore in his homemade andalite costume on Halloween, complete with a sandwich board horse back end and massive Scorpion tail over his shoulder. The text reads "I’m in line now for signing. It’s a million miles long. I’m going to show her this:"
A screenshot of a mailing list email from Harbor Freight (red text on a white background). An array of tools (power drill, generator, mallet, tool chest) are pictured below some text (in white on red) which reads "THEO, Thanks for Choosing America's #1 Tool Store."
Screenshot of a line of text in a document (black on white) which reads "That feels weird and ethically fucked up. Could work!"
Meme featuring two illustrations of a character with a big, red bow and sunglasses. In the top image, she has a hand up and is looking away, indicating distaste. Text to her right reads "squid ink." In the bottom image, she is smiling at the text and making an enthusiastic and approving finger gun. Text to her right reads "squid twink."
The temporary tattoo in the previous image has been applied to my forearm and it makes me look so badass. You gotta trust me. So fucking badass.
A temporary tattoo (still unused and in packaging). The illustration is a very scary dog (German shepherd perhaps?) pictured mid-bark in front of crossed bones. It's black and white, with text that reads TOP DOG (or will once it's reversed).
A screenshot of two discord messages from Theo (me) to an unnamed recipient. Message 1 (9:31am): Eyyyy Bill Mumy is in this one! Message 2 (10:02am): War is hell.
A pen on paper drawing of a werewolf offering chocolate chip cookies to his friends (Bigfoot and Mothman). This is a critical step in his baking process since he is trying to perfect the recipe and cannot eat chocolate.
Four pigeons, two of which are fully visible. At the top right, a pigeon with a shiny great head is sitting. In the center, a pigeon with very interesting coloration (a lot of browns on the wings) is pecking at the ground.
A screenshot of the gif. My word was melancholic which.....rude.
The cover of Translation State by Ann Leckie. Colors fade from red to orange (left to right) then a stripe of teal fades in at the right. Slender white stripes confine two tokens to the top and bottom of the cover. In the white circle at the top, a black triangle with a sharp, white keyhole. On the white circle at the bottom, a human silhouette in profile in black.
The cover of There Is No Antimemetics Division by QNTM. The title is in white text taking up the whole cover space. Behind it, a massive stone monolith rises out of a foggy forest.
The cover of The Starving Saints by Caitlin Starling. On a black background, a hooded figure holds an apiary plate with honeycomb and bees. Its hands are golden and its face is several faces in one. Behind its head, a golden sun.
The cover of Starling House by Alix E. Harrow. Dark blacks and purples and greens and blues, starlings flying and fighting clutching yellow flowers and golden keys. The title is in white text.
The cover of Play Nice by Rachel Harrison. On a textured, whiteish background, centered, a purple illustration of an old, dilapidated house. Wrapped around the house, is a black devil tail with dripping blood on its pointed tip.
The cover of Freakslaw by Jane Flett. On a teal background, yellow text. In the center, a yellow shape that looks like a yellow eye in magenta flames with a black ferris wheel for an iris. The perfect, magnificent logline reads: "Lock up your daughters, lasso your sons."
The cover of Dear Stupid Penpal by Rascal Hartley. Mostly black, with text in the style of an old school computer. At the bottom, a figure sits in front of several monitors. From the monitors, a bright spot as communications travel away and into the vast blackness of space.
The cover of Crafting for Sinners by Jenny Kiefer. On a dark purple background, red and teal text that looks chalklike. In the center, a hand-crocheted pair of hands with rainbow nail polish are raised in prayer.
The cover of Bat Eater and Other Names for Cora Zeng by Kylie Lee Baker. White text on a dark (black and teal) background. Centered, behind the text, a still life with a bat and flowers.
The cover of The Antidote by Karen Russel. A photo of a farmhouse in the dust bowl, with patches of color across it, fading toward white as it nears farther right.
The cover of the book Predator: A Memoir, a Movie, an Obsession by Ander Monson. The text is white, and looks sci fi. The images are colorful shapes like jungle foliage, but with images of drawings of predators from the film Predator.
A two panel meme featuring characters from Star Trek: Deep Space 9. Top panel: Major Kira holds a gray device, text reading "hey check out my odometer" above her head. Bottom panel: the device is pointing at Odo (a different character) and the monitor screen reads "yes".
A three panel comic, one panel on top and two smaller ones side by side below. Text above the top panel reads "Write down ideas whenever they come to you!" Top panel, tinted purple to indicate night time. A character is sitting in bed, obviously half asleep, scribbling something on a piece of paper. The digital clock in the background says 5am. The character says. "Just had such a good idea. Gotta write this down..." Between the two panels, the text reads "The next morning" (between two small yellow suns on either side). On the left, two hands are holding a piece of paper that reads "when the glove". On the right, the same character from panel one stares at the paper in vexation.
I took a picture basically pointed directly up and it's blue. Just blue. Not a cloud in sight. It's a tiny bit lighter at the bottom of the frame than the top but tbh it's pretty much just a blue rectangle.
POV shot from me, sitting on a reclining couch in black pants and orange and black striped socks. In my left hand, a breakfast sandwich on a plate. On the TV, Constable Odo is centered.
A track of four books with library binding. Top to bottom: The Unfinished by Cheryl Isaacs The Moss by Lisa Lueddecke The Dead of Summer by Ryan La Sala Grimoire Noir by Vera Greentea and Yana Bogatch
On my forearm, a really cool stegasaurus (clearly placed there with a rubber stamp).
A stack of books in library binding, sitting atop an armoire. Titles from top to bottom follow. Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik A Light Most Hateful by Hailey Piper Black Flame by Gretchen Felker-Martin Amplitudes: Stories of Queer and Trans Futurity ed. Lee Mandelo Our Winter Monster by Dennis Mahoney Burn Our Bodies Down by Rory Power Immortality: A Love Story by Dana Schwartz Slashed Beauties by A. Rushby.
A graphic with a gray, sort of cement-looking background with splatters of black ink. Text transcript: Theodore Hill, 2025 Releases. “I Think I Have Lost Someone” The Skull & Laurel, Horror (Flash), January. “Rise” Translunar Travelers Lounge, Sci Fi, February. “Pirouette in Periwinkle” The Ghastling, Horror (Flash), April. “Other Duties As Required” Cosmic Horror Monthly, Horror/Sci Fi, July. “Hammerhead” God’s Cruel Joke, Horrorotica, September. “A Taste” Whisper House Press, Horror (Flash), November. Upcoming: “More Famished Than My Means” (Poem, God’s Cruel Joke, December).
A stack of not one, not two, but eight library books. Top to bottom: Model Home by Rivers Solomon American Rapture by CJ Leede Kill Creatures by Rory Power Showstopper by Lily Anderson The House of Quiet by Kiersten White Their Monstrous Hearts by Yiğit Turhan The October Film Haunt by Michael Wehunt Renegade Rule by Ben Kahn, Rachel Silverstein, and Sam Beck.
A very concerned looking guy (glasses, brown hair), dressed as Seymour Krelborn in a plaid button up and blue sweater vest. The hand adjusting his glasses has a bandaid on each finger.
A trans guy with short brown hair and glasses in a very convincing Seymour Krelborn costume. Khakis, a light button-up shirt, a blue sweater vest, and a lovingly handmade Audrey 2 in hand. He is standing in front of a bunch of potted plants and looking awkward on purpose.
On a white wall, flanked by electric torches and over a large piano, a massive framed painting of Abraham Lincoln with three blue clad civil war soldiers. There's a rainbow visible out the window over Lincoln's head.
A stack of books on a table! Top to bottom: Bodypunk (Filthy Loot) Fleischerei by Saoirse Ni Charagain Burn You the Fuck Alive by B.R. Yeager The Nothing That Is by Kyle Winkler Backmask by OF Cieri Beneath the Swimming Pools, the Teeth by Mark Jaskowski Burn, Beautiful Soul by William J. Donahue The Organization Is Here to Support You by Charlene Elsby Reef Mind by Hazel Zorn We Like it Cherry by Jacy Morris Till We Become Monsters by Amanda Headlee Only Monsters Remain by William J. Donahue Feeding the Wheel by Michael Boulerice.
A screenshot of a call log indicating an incoming call which lasted 1 hour 1 minute and 57 seconds.
A yellow tube of super glue with no cap that has been super glued to an outdoor cinder block wall.
A screenshot of black text on a pale background. What People Are Saying... "Oh my god dude this is disgusting, I love it." - junkyard ambrose ​"I just read it and good lord, [Theo]. I used to think you were a nice boy." - Sasha Brown
A screenshot of two discord messages from me (Theo) sent ay 9:24am. First message: Do you know about the tiktok romance novel about the dangerous crow boy whose job it is to destroy plastic? Second message: Oh also good morning or whatever [tongue out emoji].
A screenshot of a word document, heavily redacted. Amongst the nine black bars, the only words that can be read are "This would be easier with a knife, but when have you ever wanted it easy?" and "your tongue stays where it is."
At a distance, a large heron is standing in the water (photographed from a bridge). The image is a bit washed out from the street light, but the reflection of the heron is also visible.
Me again, this time standing next to Rachel Harrison, who looks stunning and sparkly and is holding her book Play Nice.
A bespectacled trans guy (me!) flanked by Nat Cassidy and Clay McLeod Chapman who, I cannot stress this enough, are dressed in bright red devil costumes with horns and pitchforks. Clay is holding a copy of Play Nice by Rachel Harrison, who I am excitedly waiting to meet.
A hardcover copy of Play Nice by Rachel Harrison, held in my hand in thr Strand rare book room as I wait for a book event.
Two women in olive green work jumpsuits and white undershirts stand in a doorway. They are the machine repair people from Crimes of the Future (2022).
A TV, paused on a frame from Bones, with A woman in a baseball cap and a man in sunglasses. Because I have seen a few episodes of this I know them as Brennan and Booth. (S2E7, apparently a favorite episode of hers.)
A text screenshot. Me (right justified, white text in a purple bubble): Did you hear James Dobson died? My mom (left justified, white text in a dark gray bubble): I didn't. I guess the world is a little safer. (I reacted to my mom's message with a blue heart.)
A hand is holding a hand-stitched felt creature in front of a brown couch. This is Sweet Theodore. He's a purple rabbit with a greenish blue face, large dark yellow eyes, and an open mouth filled with sharp teeth. He has two pink tentacles and a pink pouch over his belly with three purple embroidered flowers.
Twitter screenshot. Justin Kim @ justindkim92 Her: you wanna go upstairs? Me: sure... Her: you have protection? Me: w-why? What's up there?
Detail shot into the driver's side window of the black toy car (held in my hand), which shows that the dashboard has colorful screens and an oddly shaped steering wheel.
A small, black toy car is sitting on a wooden side table, in close up.
A discord screenshot with two bursts of messages from Theo (aka me), transcribed below: "Omgggggggggg Fuck omg something is going very wrongggg OH What the fuck is going onnnnnnn Oh nooooooo Shit omg this is sooooo fucked lmao Oh Oh oh noooo oh no." Yes, I am always like this.
On a shiny wooden tabletop, a paperback copy of Box Cutters (short stories by John Chrostek) is centered. Four fingers touch the bottom of the cover, which is orange with white text and has assorted images on it (a polar bear, boxers boxing, a cowboy, a skull covered on flowers, a wide open eye, etc).
A spacious office with high ceilings and leather furniture. A wooden desk can be seen far to the left, and a ladder in the background leads up to a loft with bookshelves and a figures standing at the top. There are two large windows, with red and white striped curtains. (You may recognize Hannibal Lecter's office from the NBC series Hannibal.)