Pearl Nayker

@purrl.org

615 Followers 3067 Following

🔞 • 34/she • 🏳️‍⚧️💖∞ΘΔ&☭; adult themes, occasional artistic nudity pro-{fiction, reality, nuance, collectivism} i must change myself into a lioness for the better of us all there is good in the world ⚖ purrl.org AD (🔞🖼️): @drippy.purrl.org

mei lying on totoro's chest, both of them snoozing
screenshot of an IGN interview with warren spector, which starts as such: "There's a tendency among the press to attribute the creation of a game to a single person," says Warren Spector, creator of Thief and Deus Ex.
screenshot of a notes app, showing a note dated july 20, 2017 with the following text: i want your soul i need your soul i want your soul i need your soul come to daddy come to daddy come to daddy come come to daddy be my butterfly sugar baby
a warm everything bagel with cream cheese.
a screenshot of the game deltarune. a textbox on screen displays the text: * (... You can never wash it all away.)
screenshot of text from a wikipedia article: “Euphorbia is a large and diverse genus of flowering plants, commonly called spurge, in the family Euphorbiaceae.”
an email from wells fargo with the title “Your credit card was declined - here’s why”
two text messages i sent to my mom "i want my meows to be the best in the world!!! 💪🏻" "i hope u will support me in this endeavor"
screenshot of death stranding 2 with sam riding on a monorail that says "trans-crater line" on the side
an email from discord saying they are adding hello kitty items to the discord shop
screenshot of a window displaying a EULA to install Death Stranding 2: On the Beach. the text of the eula itself is not important, it's just that the EULA is being displayed at all, so i'm not going to type it all out
a screenshot of the steam library, showing an entry for Death Stranding 2: On the Beach, with a button that says "PRELOAD"
screenshot of an email from steam stating that my activation of DEATH STRANDING 2: ON THE BEACH has been successful
screenshot of an email from Fanatical with the subject "Your game keys are ready for you"
screenshot of the bluesky 'muted words' interface, showing 'iran' and 'israel' having been added to the muted words list
screenshot of a card for a video on youtube's frontpage. the video is named "Boards of Canada - Olson (Extended - 1 Hour)"
an iphone home screen with the “astronomy” wallpaper showing a close-up of the earth. the sun is shown orbiting the earth, but is occluded by the icon for the mail app.
screenshot of bluesky settings, displaying that “trump” has been added as a muted word
screenshot of a chat message "There's a big difference between something you have and something you've done~ Patience comes and goes, awareness, joyfulness, sadness; all of it is shifting, growing and shrinking in rhythms like breathing, like a living thing because it *is* alive~ It's all part of you being you, you being alive~ So, of course you didn't always feel it, and that's okay, it's still there, waiting for its next breath, your next breath~"
screenshot of the app AstroMatrix. a card is shown displaying a transit, mars square natal midheaven. it is given the title “Acting Impulsive” and an image of a bunch of matches, one burning, with the matches’ heads resembling human faces. the transit is notated with “Ends Today”.
a plushie of an espeon. it is sleeping.
a giant, 32 inch long, espeon plushie. it is lying down casually and staring into your soul. it knows what you are.
a screenshot of the bluesky 'muted words' interface showing "epstein" having been added as a muted word
screenshot of the linked article. text as follows. we are often sold a version of love that arrives fully formed, effortless and eternal. it blooms perfectly and will stay perfect for eternity. what we are rarely told is that when love grows, it asks us to grow with it. i used to think love was the answer. now i think of it more as a test of willingness, a challenge of commitment that begs us to confront the difficult questions: can you stay and repair instead of disappearing? can you speak honestly when silence once kept you safe? can you allow yourself to be changed by love? to be challenged and influenced by it? true love does not force transformation; it does not break you down or demand that you become someone you are not. but it does create a space where staying the same becomes difficult - not because you're not enough, but because you can be so much more.
abstract art created by means of photography. a shattered shaft of light resembling the colors of a trans flag just barely ekes out its own existence amidst a sea of mostly neutral tones.
screenshot of a single youtube video appearing on youtube's homepage feed. the video is titled "The Largest Poison Ivy in Suburban Cleveland" by the channel "Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't".
pearl, but human. she is sitting in a chair in some sort of waiting room, pointing her phone's selfie camera down at her from above. she is wearing a gray t-shirt with a graphic of a cat sitting in front of a mess of computer monitors, peach-colored pants, a gray pair of new balance shoes, and a white KN95 mask. her eyeglasses are resting gently on her hip.
screenshot of text from the linked article. Trying to control everything is exhausting. I remember a time when I desperately wanted something - so much that it consumed every corner of my mind. I monitored every detail, analysed every possibility, and held on so tightly that my knuckles felt white from the effort. Back then, I believed that if I just tried hard enough, planned perfectly enough, cared enough, I could force life to cooperate. But life doesn't bend just because we're tired or hopeful or terrified of the alternative. Life moves on its own terms. What I didn't understand then was that my need for control wasn't really about the outcome I wanted. It was about fear. Fear of uncertainty. Fear of disappointment. Fear that if I let go, even for a moment, everything would fall apart.
screen capture from season 1, episode 16 of frieren: beyond journey's end. in a forest, a young boy is shown looking up at something in the distance off-screen. the subtitles for his speech read: "I refuse to be forgotten."
a screenshot of a series of text messages i sent, reading as follows: so many things that felt impossible actually happened, which i think is part of why it’s been so hard to fully escape the truly delusional aspects of my mindset and behavior. the one thing i feel like i can say with any certainty about myself i will never again in my life be fully tethered to reality. so i need to embrace that uncertainty and stop acting like sanity is some sort of necessity, without which i will only continue to hurt the ones i love for as long as i live my mind as it truly is can coexist with the concept of treating the people in my life with the respect and kindness i wish to treat them with. embracing myself as i am doesn’t mean that i’m choosing not to respect or honor the pain and harm that those lapses in sanity have caused. they’re distinct things. i can learn and grow without leaving any part of myself behind.
screenshot of the linked medium article. It becomes genetically impossible not to care what others think of us. Even the most self-declared independent thinkers still glance sideways for confirmation that they're being seen, admired, or at least tolerated. It feels as though we need a seal of approval from every other human being to believe that we deserve to be here. At the same time, humans are spectacularly opinionated. We see the world through different cultures, generations, religions, politics, morality, aesthetics, and whichever side of the comment section we first land our eyes on. Our values clash. Our definitions of "right" contradict one another. What earns praise in one room might get ridiculed in another. This is where the conflict lies. We are built to seek approval in a world incapable of offering it unanimously. No matter what you believe, someone will disagree with it.
screenshot of the linked medium article To choose one life is to obliterate all possible others - the career that never happened, the relationship in high school that could have been something, the version of us who could have existed if we had chosen a bit differently. We have to live with the consequences of our choice, and freedom feels like being chained. For a long time, I was haunted by this discomfort. If I had chosen more wisely, more carefully, then my life would have been... better. But I'm slowly learning that the problem is not a lack of precision, but a lack of courage. The courage to stand by a choice without demanding it to be the perfect one. The courage to fully inhabit your life without fantasising about alternative realities. The courage to trust that every decision you make leads you to where you're meant to be.
screenshot of my side of a text conversation. all messages between 6:45 PM and 6:46 PM. i've lost so many people i cared about in the past year. so, so many in a way that has truly been devastating i just had to figure out that none of them could really help me heal it. i had to do that work myself. doesn't mean i can't still sit in solidarity with them and their needs, doesn't mean that i have to twist myself into not caring about them whatsoever just to get by. i can still fully be myself and love who i am and still come out of the situation a better person than i was when i went in it took a lot of help to see that as a possibility. 💖
a meme based on the "friendship ended with X, now Y is my best friend" template. both X and Y say "COGNITIVE DISSONANCE".
screenshot of text, reading: “1) Okkyung Lee ~ just like any other day (어느날): background music for your mundane activities (Shelter Press) As I write this, I start thinking I might be doing the music an injustice by solely listening to it.”
a meme. what i think is probably a picture of britney spears is superimposed in front of some horses, and something else i can't tell what it is. the text of the meme: "starting tomorrow everything is going to be [in big text:] okay! they JUST announced it"
# peach if only we could be something other than we seem i think i'd like to be whole again a fragile kind of dream in which i dress casually don't find me half asleep or i'll want more is this just my insecurity or maybe you could give to me a feeling as if this were truth what time is it? is this just my insecurity or maybe it is plain to see that there's no grace in me and you what time is it? i know that i can seem t oo quickly shattered in the breeze egregious faltering behind myself i want the chance to be something other than i seem i just hope that i can be whole again i've been wishing for a promised scene the likes of which i've often dreamed and parts to treat it as if it were real what time is it? i've been wishing for a promised scene in which the color that i bleed has naught to do with how you feel what time is it? drift endlessly into the blue, blue sea hurt everything that you fall into your breathless feelings don't belie your needs that terror just beyond the window what time is it? what time is it? what time is it?
screenshot of the google fonts page for Instrument Serif, displaying the font using the text "Whereas disregard and contempt for human rights have resulted"
screenshot of an excerpt of the linked article on medium.com # The research that explains why practice alone is not enough There is a clear, simple fact from motor learning studies. Practicing the same thing over and over builds fluency for that same thing. Practicing under variable, unpredictable conditions builds adaptability for things you did not expect. Coaches use this. Good coaches make practice unpredictable so that the player learns to respond when the map changes. That pattern shows up in controlled studies of motor learning and transfer to new situations. That is why the man who has faced one type of problem a thousand times will fail when the problem mutates once. The person who has practiced surprise will bend and not break.
screenshot of a google search for the query "turn off all the google ai stuff". below the search bar, an error is displayed: "✦ Can't generate an AI overview right now. Try again later."
screenshot of radarr configuration showing a connection to telegram for notification purposes.
a video showing a screen of notifications regarding the download of a season of a tv show. each episode is, inexplicably, given its own unique notification, both for the download starting, and then once it finishes.
a screenshot showing that "Frieren: Beyond Journey's End" will return for season 2 on january 16th
screenshot of a software upgrade window for the app "SoundSource". it is notifying the user that a paid upgrade to a new major version is available.
screenshot of an excerpt of text from the Medium article "Are You Emotionally Abusive Without Realising?" by David Saunders We all make mistakes. And, we can and all do abuse others from time to time. But if we can recognise it, own up, and make amends, we can quite literally save lives, or at the very least dramatically improve them. When I perceived myself as a victim after the first breakthrough, I only had empathy and understanding for people I perceived as ‘good.’ Once I accepted that I indeed have been on the opposite side of the equation — and the impact this had on others regardless of the causes that led to my actions — I increasingly struggled to see other people as inherently ‘bad.’ This has not only worked wonders for my relationships but also for how I view and interact with everybody. It’s also allowed me to put a lot of my own trauma well and truly behind me.
screenshot with an excerpt of text from the Medium article "To Live Life With No Regrets is to Refuse to Grow" by Jason McBride. I am not hoping to optimize my life. Instead, I accept my fallibility and work to help others instead of hurting them and to do the same for myself. When I make a mistake, I learn from it and allow that mistake to inform my future choices. Someone who has lived a life with no regrets is someone who is not honest with themself or others. They are too weak to accept accountability and too cowardly to live a great life. No regrets is no kind of life. The next time you consider the idea of carpe diem or YOLO, allow your regrets to push you towards a more fulfilling, gentle, and meaningful present. In the end, we are all flawed. All we can do is be gracious with ourselves and others and become more curious and kind as we age. Move slowly and fix things.
a photograph of a page of the book “The Left Hand of Darkness” by Ursula K. LeGuin. this is page 22 of the 2010 paperback edition by Ace; it is the last page of chapter 1. "What do you call it, this world, in your language?" "Gethen." "You gave it no name of your own?" "Yes, the First Investigators did. They called it Winter." We had stopped in the gateway of the walled garden. Outside, the Palace grounds and roofs loomed in a dark snowy jumble lit here and there at various heights by the faint gold slits of windows. Standing under the narrow arch I glanced up, wondering if that keystone too was mortared with bone and blood. Estraven took leave of me and turned away; he was never fulsome in his greetings and farewells. I went off through the silent courts and alleys of the Palace, my boots crunching on the thin moonlit snow, and homeward through the deep streets of the city. I was cold, unconfident, obsessed by perfidy, and solitude, and fear.
screenshot of a medium article. full article text available from link in post
screenshot of an AO3 story page, listing the story's title ("Fracture"), the author ("Purrl"), and a summary: Far past where humans normally dare to tread, a settlement of Pokémon has been growing in the desert — and word about it has been spreading. Rumor is they've built up quite an oasis for themselves, especially impressive for such a hostile environment. Rumor is, all sorts of species have gathered there, from all across the globe, even those that would never be seen in that kind of arid desert heat. Rumor is, if you're a Pokémon who's been cast out of your home, with nowhere else to go... There's a place for you in Fracture.
a calendar notification notifying of an event. the event is titled "Mercury Retrograde Ends". it is listed as occurring Nov 29, which is Tomorrow
screenshot of a line in the article linked from the post quoted below. Dacey hopes that by paying her debt to society, she can finally find inner peace, adding: “Whatever punishment they give me, it can’t be worse than the punishment I’ve given myself.”
screenshot of a youtube short. a man is kicking a rock down the road. a caption on top of the video reads: kicking a rock while i walk until it turns into a sphere: S3 day 45 - distance kicked: 1.0 miles - rolling craziness: 4/10 - materials kicked on: pavement
a meme i found on telegram of jerry and george from seinfeld. it has subtitles on it. the subtitles in brackets are photoshopped over top of the regular subtitles. first panel: jerry: "You're crying from [thinking about your friends?]" second panel: george: "[the fact that there are people who love and care for me despite my flaws] got to me." jerry: "All right."
a screenshot of the show 'japan railway journal' showing several batteries underneath a train marked "Li-ion"
They are raising or have raised or are writing code on which to raise; the percentage chance the tools they are creating will destroy humanity is known, with some ironic distance, as P(doom).
a screenshot of the after-update page in firefox nightly. an event is being advertised with the headline "Join the Mozilla community in the upcoming Ask a Fox event!"
a screenshot of the youtube homepage displaying an error message stating "Something went wrong"