Dinosaur Comics!

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T-Rex: Photography only goes back a century or so! We know what folks looked like then... T-Rex: ...but we DON'T know what they looked like BEFORE then!!
Narrator: HOW TO PICK UP SEXY AND INTERESTING PEOPLE AT THE GYM T-Rex: Oh, it's so easy! T-Rex: First, you've got to work on your approach!
T-Rex: Branding can do a lot. Selling dolls to boys who are afraid to play with dolls? "ACTION FIGURES" to the rescue! T-Rex: That being the case... T-Rex: I hereby suggest the following REBRANDS!
T-Rex: Kids can be annoying. T-Rex: (I mean this in the observational sense, not the permissive sense!!) T-Rex: (They wouldn't WAIT for my permission anyway!!)
T-Rex: Normal detective stories are bland! We're all tired of detectives who solve mysteries the hard way by being smart and logical and well-versed in crimes. T-Rex: What we WANT are detectives with SIGNIFICANT and game-breaking advantages!!
Narrator: THE OPERATION WAS A SUCCESS: T-Rex: The operation was a COMPLETE success! And now I've replaced all the knowledge in my brain about FICTIONAL characters and made-up starships... T-Rex: ...with knowledge about REAL things instead!!
T-Rex: A portable computer that fits in the palm of my hand and presents as a black bar of glass that I have to tap without ANY tactile feedback? T-Rex: NO THANKS!
T-Rex: Batman, who was the world's greatest BAT-THEMED detective, realized he was much more than that too! T-Rex: He was, for instance, also the world's greatest bat-themed FIGHTER!
T-Rex: Dean Martin fan? POP QUIZ, HOTSHOT! "Amore" is when... T-Rex: A) the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
T-Rex: People are like "oh, shower beers! You gotta try a beer in the shower! SHOWER BEERS!!" T-Rex: Not everyone is like that, but those who are seem to be trying to make up for everyone else!
T-Rex: "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!" T-Rex: Julius Caesar said it!
T-Rex: Sherlock Holmes, who was the world's greatest detective NOT currently wearing a hamburger costume, frowned. He had the strangest sensation there was a better detective than him... T-Rex: ...and they were currently wearing a hamburger costume!
T-Rex: I can listen to music 24/7, a new song each time, and never run out before I die. T-Rex: Okay everyone! Music's solved!!
T-Rex: One day we invented non-candle-based lights, and wanted a way to compare them to the candles we already knew! T-Rex: Hence: CANDLEPOWER.
T-Rex: Everyone loves when you mash two SONGS together... T-Rex: ...but what happens when you mash two MOVIES together instead??
T-Rex: There's a sucker born every minute. T-Rex: P.T. Barnum said it!
T-Rex: Sometimes - not always, but sometimes - we wake up "on the wrong side of the bed." T-Rex: And then we're "a real pain to be around"... T-Rex: ...and "not fun at all"??
T-Rex: Would a rude stranger's unsolicited opinion change your mind on something? T-Rex: Probably not, right?
T-Rex: Ted entered his time machine, engaged the temporal drive - and as it spun up he tore through TIME ITSELF, back, years and years... T-Rex: ...to a time BEFORE BALLET.
T-Rex: My memories contain my history, my relationships - the very SOUL of who I am. They are unique, irreplaceable, absolutely singular. T-Rex: So... time to FORGET THEM OVER TIME, I GUESS??
T-Rex: We've got colour photography, and that looks good. And we've got black and white photography, and THAT looks good too! T-Rex: But why'd we stop there?!
T-Rex: The gym is a great place to go if you want to blast your quads. T-Rex: Easily a top ten quad-blasting locale!
Narrator: COMICS ABOUT OUT-OF-GENRE COVERS T-Rex: This is when music sounds NOT how you expected it to! There are lots of musicians who will take olde-timey songs and make them sound more modern - T-Rex: - USUALLY but not always by adding a KILLER BEAT and SICK DROP -
Narrator: T-REX HAS TRAVELLED BACK IN TIME TO 1993: T-Rex: Everyone, you need to listen to me! It turns out there's downsides to having an "INTER NET"... T-Rex: ...especially once it becomes functionally mandatory!
T-Rex: How come humans have to LEARN how to swim? T-Rex: DOGS know how to do it from the start!
T-Rex: One day, crows evolved into existence! T-Rex: Maybe it took more than one day; I don't know and it's not important right now!!
T-Rex: Lots of areas have their own pizza styles! Oooh, I do a thin crust and a wide slice, so I'm New York Style. T-Rex: Oooh, I do a deep-dish thick crust so I'm Detroit Style!
T-Rex: I think I might get into coffee. But! T-Rex: BUT. T-Rex: I don't want to make it my WHOLE PERSONALITY.
T-Rex: Sometimes, all you need to change the world forever is just one good idea! [[blank]]
T-Rex: Time to take a walk to my favourite place in the world: AGREEMENT CORNER, where everyone agrees and nobody's ever wrong!! Narrator: LATER, IN DISAGREEMENT CORNER: T-Rex: OH NO!
T-Rex: I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix! Off panel: Wow! Sound pretty intense! T-Rex: It super was!
T-Rex: Ticks! They used to not be a thing here and now uhhh... T-Rex: ...uhhh they're DEFINITELY a thing??
T-Rex: Okay everyone, today is a good day I think to... T-Rex: ...TRY to D.I.Y.!!
T-Rex: Styles change rapidly, even within our own lifetimes! Something that looks super cool when you're 14 likely won't look nearly as cool when you're 24. T-Rex: And FORGET about 54!
T-Rex: In our lives we all sometimes face BIG CHALLENGES. T-Rex: The concept, not the obscure Hello Kitty supporting character!
T-Rex: Look out everyone, I'm annoyed today!! Off panel: And ANNOYING! T-Rex: WHAT?!
Narrator: T-REX IN: MISTAKES WERE MADE T-Rex: What?! T-Rex: No: no mistakes were made!!
T-Rex: There are two types of people: those who eat some of their dog's treats "to make sure they're good" before feeding them to said dog... T-Rex: ...and those who don't!
T-Rex: Who here wants some... T-Rex: ...GOOD NEWS??
T-Rex: When I know nothing about a particular field, I think... T-Rex: "Wow I'm not an expert in THAT particular field, that's for darn sure!"
T-Rex: I've made a new friend! Only this friend doesn't SAY anything. T-Rex: Well, that's not entirely true: they can and do shout really loudly! T-Rex: And CRY, of course!!
T-Rex: There are certain genres that fan fiction hits more than most! We're all familiar with taking existing characters and, oh I don't know... T-Rex: ...putting them in an ALTERNATE UNIVERSE where they all work in a COFFEE SHOP??
T-Rex: To think there are uncontacted people on uncontacted islands - right now - to whom the phrases "Spiders Georg", "are ya winning, son", or "this is fine" mean... T-Rex: ...NOTHING!
T-Rex: There are people alive today - in your very town - who have never had a Jell-O product. T-Rex: But... T-Rex: ...IT GETS WORSE.
T-Rex: Someone is born, creates some amazing art, then dies. T-Rex: Great! T-Rex: TERRIFIC!
T-Rex: Time to visit an Earth much like our own... T-Rex: ...but with one CHILLING difference!!
T-Rex: One day in 1803, Mr. and Mrs. Doppler had a kid - whom they named Chris Doppler. T-Rex: And Chris Doppler would go on to name MANY different effects after himself!
Narrator: T-REX CONTINUES HIS SEARCH FOR THE MEANING OF LIFE: T-Rex: Okay, this is going to sound crazy, but hear me out. I think it may be possible - T-Rex: - POSSIBLE, mind you, not certain, but possible -
Narrator: T-REX DECIDES TO FIGURE OUT THE MEANING OF LIFE: T-Rex: Yeah! Because NOBODY ELSE has done it yet... T-Rex: ...despite literally THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF CIVILIZATION??
T-Rex: I'm a guy who's been alive for a while. Probably about time I look into what it's all about, huh?? Narrator: BUT THEN: T-Rex: Sorry, what? Philosophy ISN'T a solved question?
T-Rex: T-Rex, who was great at - well, not a ton honestly, but he was pretty good at SOME things and that has to count for something, strutted. T-Rex: Today was a beautiful day he thought to hang out with his friends!!
T-Rex: Batman, who was great at fighting crime, smiled. His one-man war on crime was going great!! T-Rex: It HAD to be!
T-Rex: Sherlock Holmes, who was so good at detection that his name became synonymous with his profession, thereby ruining it for everyone else, frowned. T-Rex: He'd realized what I'd just told you: his name was ruined for everyone else!
T-Rex: There was a time the only way to contact someone was by walking up and saying something in range of their face! Things were SIMPLE. T-Rex: But then we got cocky!! T-Rex: But then we got SO COCKY that we invented WRITING!
T-Rex: Sometimes a TV show or book series finishes without ever reaching its ending. This WAS frustrating, but isn't anymore, thanks to... T-Rex: ...the UNIVERSAL NARRATIVE CONCLUDE-O-MATIC!!
T-Rex: Hello, glasses store? I've got you on speakerphone. I would like to buy some glasses! T-Rex: And as for my prescription... T-Rex: ...NONE!!
Narrator: UNIVERSES WHERE APHORISMS SUDDENLY BECOME LITERALLY TRUE COMICS Narrator: "You Are What You Eat"
T-Rex: We divide up the oceans into different oceans, but c'mon - it's all the same ocean! T-Rex: *GASP* T-Rex: Wait, this applies to everything!
T-Rex: Wow, you'd think card companies would be on top of the latest trends in Cardworthy Moments, but APPARENTLY NOT?? T-Rex: Apparently it's up to ME to do their job for them??
Narrator: T-REX HAS BEEN BLESSED! T-Rex: Yes, with my health, and my friends, and my - Narrator: HE HAS BEEN BLESSED TO KNOW WHICH OF THE THINGS HE BELIEVES... Narrator: ...ARE ACTUALLY TRUE! T-Rex: Oh dang that's good too!