Vivian

@raake.bsky.social

139 Followers 30 Following

Part-time human, full-time critter; a shapeshifter of sorts - 28 🏳️‍⚧️ Mtf 🩶 Gray ace (🔞) Autistic - Profile pic by @sealsona.bsky.social‬

just now i had one where i was reading a (furry) webcomic where a group of friends were doing a sleep party or something, and they suddenly started treating one among themselves poorly because she wasn't subscribed to another's (host of the party?) patreon-equivalent while all the others were. also one of them was hooking up with/screwing their brother i guess (which may or may not have been the same person as the houseowner), while also possibly being with someone else in the group (they slept in the same bed) who was telling them they'd have to stop doing that eventually - not out of personal drama but because it was gonna cause problems if people were to find out. something something "significant brother"?? ????????????
so, about progesterone... been reading some anecdotes about it, but some of them were quite old, and i'm not sure what the general consesus is these days. - it supposedly helps stabilize mood and lessen anxiety/depression, but what does that feel like in practise? (my mood's been generally pretty alright i think, but you've probably seen i've been really anxious a lot in recent months, and kinda disinterested in/unenthused about stuff from time to time) - prog without antiadrogens, yay or nay? - can finasteride block prog -> DHT metabolism or not? - cycling? the one (1) anecdote i remember hearing less than a year ago said it was Good but was vague on the details. - rectal is stronger than oral - any other significant differences?
lunch! smoked salmon, roasted seeds (i forget which), lasagna (but with oat instead of pasta), a bit of salad, and chicken pinsa
aaaaaaa local pride march/event on saturday aaaaaaa i'm nervous aaaaaaa i wanna go in wearing my new skort that came in last week... i'm just afraid i'll feel uncomfortable being alone in the middle of strangers... but i do want to go!!! [90 mins later] i switched to a (slightly longer) black tee instead of the "burgundy" one that i've mentioned before (that almost matches the skort) and i feel it looks a lot nicer, feeling more comfortable about going out like this 👍🏼
i really shouldn't even be worrying about my creativity at all at this time. i think it was last year when i already resolved to not doing that, at least until i've got my other, more pressing issues sorted. although, maybe it's not really about creativity itself, but overcoming the mental obstacles with trying in the first place that's getting to me? because i used to really anguish over my (seeming) inability to use my imagination and produce something to "express" myself with... despite my total lack of skill, drive and vision as to what form that might take - almost as if it was something i used to know how to do, but at some point had lost the ability? obsessing over self-expression when i'm not sure i quite understand what that actually means in practise even today. i really don't make sense sometimes, do i?
Gerolt floating in the air in pure darkness, posed like playable characters from Kingdom Hearts when they fall in battle
From 4.02-pc
speaking of colour, i also have this... idk what to call it, burgundy? tee whose colour i really like. the photo doesn't really do it justice, i'd say it's a hint less red and more purple irl than it looks here. it's my favourite shirt in active use (though the bar is not particularly high when everything else is plain black or white). and purple, can't forget about purple. i'd love to have some deep purple... i'm don't feel particularly attracted to greens, but i have this thin, lightweight green jacket that i think looks nice on me and fits me really well (i like how long it is, and i really like the studs, too). i also have a thicker, heavier jacket which is (or, used to be) green as well... and before those, i had yet another green jacket. i'm sensing a pattern here... or maybe i just got used to the green with the first one and didn't want to deal with change - idk, it's been well over a decade since that started. anyways, i guess the colour just works on me (though i kinda want to get away from that because it sometimes reminds me of the military).
i'd love it if i could just stop only caring (stretching the word a little here) about video games, and find something more fulfilling to occupy my life with instead. i find i have sort of an inclination toward technical stuff, optimization, "correctness", etc., but i wouldn't say any of it's particularly fun or satisfying. i've wanted to create art, but i have no skill and no proclivity for drawing, so i quit trying. i've wanted to do crafts; i've tried a handful of times, but i never stuck with it - still got some barely-used supplies/materials lying around. ...what is there that i CAN be, that i'd also LIKE to be?
so stuck in my routines that i keep forgetting this is supposed to be a year of change for me... kinda making me feel incapable of changing myself. i mean, hell, i haven't managed to consciously do that for years - if ever... i'm always guided, shaped, molded by my surroundings, my environment - external influences. but it never lasts, and eventually i always revert back to my own, dull self.
the smallest weed
"Artemis V: Using the standardized configuration of the SLS rocket, NASA anticipates launching this lunar surface mission by late 2028, and future missions about once per year thereafter. This mission is also when NASA is expected to begin building its Moon base."
DLSS 5 Off: Kingdom Key from Kingdom Hearts 2. DLSS 5 On: Kingdom Key from Kingdom Hearts 2, but with the Halloween Town texture applied.
Information Attack Hades with Aura Sphere!
Thermalright Peerless Assassin 120 White ARGB CPU cooler in a Fractal Core 2300 case.
this week's gender affirmations: sis telling me to get an undershirt to wear beneath my work clothes, and my therapist telling me i have a rather (i believe she said) feminine voice already (despite me not having done any practising; i still wanna get proper training for it though)
Voix Céleste – DIY HRT for transfems Hello Friends! We have been doing this for quite some time now but personal circumstances change and we will sadly not be able to continue offering our service past the next few months. The extreme demand of the last few weeks has increased the pressure on us and we are now at the point to announce this and introduce the following changes. We do still have extensive inventory left and we are offering it at a small discount now. However, since we urgently need to reduce the amount of parcels sent out, we’d like to try a minimum order amount of 135 EUR (3 items). We know this might be disappointing to some but with the reduced prices it comes to the perfect size for a little stash or to pool with local friends from your community. Products are temporarily out of stock, but don’t worry, new restock will arrive on 03.02. Until then we are working through the backlog of parcels and are preparing the other types of raws for direct purchase.
comfy pink hoodie!!
Wall-sized multi-panel display in a cruise ship's lounge area
FUCK GEN AI i'm so sick of seeing it everywhere!!!!! remember those saffron buns i we hot at work last week? yeah, they made a company social media post about it (and St. Lucy's Day) and both had AI-generated images accompanying them. literally no-one i know actually celebrates the day in any way, and the buns - seriously?? you couldn't just take a photo of the ones you treated us to??? performative ass communications. go to hell.