Robocoko

@robocoko.bsky.social

1666 Followers 248 Following

Covering the WNBA with no stats, just vibes✨ Podcaster at The Sixth Podcast of the Year

Scorch is an extraterrestrial visitor from the fiery planet Mercury. In 2002, an unusual energy spike appeared on Scorch’s radar and he was sent on a mission to investigate. Scorch hopped in his spaceship and followed his compass to The Valley in Phoenix, Arizona on Earth. When he arrived, he quickly discovered the source of the soundwaves; it was the Mighty Mercury chant from the X-Factor fanbase of the Phoenix Mercury. Scorch was overwhelmed by the X- factor’s excitement, joy, and love, creating an instant and unbreakable bond with the team and the city.
Cat sitting in front of score bug
Christine Brennan tweet: “ A quick spin around social media finds people who are upset that Caitlin Clark fans are new to WBB and there only for Clark. I covered Tiger Woods the length of his career and can attest that many Tiger fans were new to golf and there only for Tiger — and golf welcomed them.”
Text: NOBODY WATCHES MEN’S SPORTS. BYE. Picture of Saniya Rivers holding purse that says “THE WNBA BEEN POPPIN”
Category is... former champions; potentially flailing * Brittney Sykes’ personality on the court was the first thing that got me back into the WNBA. She’s having fun 100% of the time, and you will too * Rookie Kiki Iriafen says “joy is my superpower.” Love! * Stefanie Dolsen is the queen of Halloween and the queen of insisting she has never fouled in her life * Finally free of the tyranny of the nepo-Thibaults Downsides: The dream of Elena Delle Donne’s return is officially dead :(
Category is... Super Team * Skylar Diggins could get more competitive over a game of H.O.R.S.E. than you’ve ever been about anything in your entire life * Madam President Nneka Ogwumike leads the WNBA Players’ Association and is not currently committing any human rights atrocities * All female ownership group including legend Sue Bird! * Girls love Gabby Williams’ swag (it’s me, I’m Girls) Downsides: There was talk last season of a racial discrimination case against the coach. Unclear what happened!!
Category is... Super Team?! * Love to spend money on talent, so they are always loaded up with All Stars * Call their fans the “X Factor.” Okay! * Kahleah Copper can out-run and out-dress you * They call Satou Sabally a “unicorn” because she’s a big with finesse guard skills. Can’t relate! * Alyssa Thomas will run a girl over like a Mack truck (positive) Downsides: Without Diana Taurasi, may no longer be the league leaders in technicals and all-around nonsense
Category is... Contenders * Reigning champions, baby!!!!! * Ellie the Elephant is THE mascot of the league and there is simply no competition * Finals MVP Jonquel Jones seemingly spent most of the offseason celebrating in her home country of the Bahamas (as she should) * Unreasonably hot WNBA couple Tash Cloud and Izzy Harrison are now on the same team Downsides: Owner treats the players well but is the billionaire cofounder of Alibaba so he still gets the side-eye from me
Category is... Contenders * Cheryl Reeve has been the head coach for 14 years and taken them to the Finals 7 times. That means HALF of the time she makes the Finals, and more than half of those times she has won!! * Napheesa Collier is going to win MVP anytime now and may be Finals MVP soon too (see above) * Courtney Williams adds an unmatched level of swagger to any team she joins. Her dad is her number #1 fan. The rest of us are all competing for #2 * Alanna Smith is a delightful Aussie who finds herself getting the silliest and most improbable (minor) injuries every season Downsides: Cheryl hired my nemesis Eric Thibault as an assistant coach, and I don’t want to talk about it
Category is... Fun Young Players * Feels like they are building something good here with their young core of players. Not contending this year but they will be soon * Rae Burrell proclaimed “they don’t want me to be great” when she got multiple foul calls in a row and I’ve been a fan ever since * Cameron Brink and Rickea Jackson would be full-time models if they weren’t so good at basketball, but now you get to see their walk-in fits for free * Dearica Hamby once hit a half-court heave to kill my team’s playoffs, and I’m still a mega fan. She’s just that good Downsides: Carmeron Brink will still be out to start the season :(
Category is... Contenders * Reigning MVP A’ja Wilson is the best basketball player on the planet and is a walking inspiration for young girls everywhere * Chelsea Gray does this thing where she decides she’s not going to miss any more shots and then she doesn’t. Other players should work on that * Jackie Young [not pictured] is a basketball sicko who will literally run away from the cameras and wants you to leave her alone so she can go the gym * Home of Pancake Gustafsen Downsides: Coach Becky Hammon was credibly accused of pregnancy discrimination and then the fans booed the player that accused her! It sucked!
Category is... New Kids on the Block * This is the team with Caitlin Clark on it if you’re really new here * If you’re not new here, you know that Kelsey Mitchell has been one of the most undersung players in the league for years. So join the fandom and sing about her * Just added Sydney Colson, whose favorite hobbies are to annoy her teammates and act a fool on the internet * Just added DeWanna Bonner, whose favorite hobbies are to make unreasonable shots and yell “and one!” when she wasn’t fouled Downsides: Probably biding their time until they’re able to get a #1 pick
Category is... Contending?! * This is the team with Caitlin Clark on it if you’re really new here * If you’re not new here, you know that Kelsey Mitchell has been one of the most undersung players in the league for years. So join the fandom and sing about her * Just added Sydney Colson, whose favorite hobbies are to annoy her teammates and act a fool on the internet * Just added DeWanna Bonner, whose favorite hobbies are to make unreasonable shots and yell “and one!” when she wasn’t fouled Downsides: Sorry, this is once again the basic bitch choice. But we love basic bitches as long as they’re not transphobic
Category is... Fun Young Players * They are never truly out of a game because Arike Ogumbowale can, and will, shoot from anywhere on the court * Latest WNBA power couple Dijonai Carrington and NaLyssa Smith are now on the same team!! * #1 pick Paige Bueckers is rad as hell and is quick to call out how black female athletes do not get the coverage they deserve * New general manager is Curt Miller, who was the first openly gay male pro basketball coach Downsides: Strategy lately has been to draft a bunch of young players and then not really play them. Hopefully that changes!
Category is... New Year, New Look * First professional sports team to be owned by a Native American tribe (the Mohegan Tribe), and one of their jerseys says “Keesusk” - the Mohegan language word for “sun” * I have been rooting for rookie double-double machine Aneesah Morrow throughout college, and now is your time to join the Morrow Borough * Finally out of their “always the bridesmaid” phase of losing in the semifinals or finals every year because they will be lucky to make the playoffs this time * Marina Mabrey plays better when she’s angry (which is most of the time) Downsides: The entire starting lineup left in the offseason (Marina Mabrey tried to leave too but they said no)
Category is... Playing Basketball * My all-time fave Courtney Vandersloot is back!!! Expect her to be flinging perfect passes into the paint all day, every day * Have a new mascot named Skye and she is trying her best, okay?! * Angel Reese will hang out at the Met Gala with Megan Thee Stallion and Doechii and start in a basketball game the next day. She is better than you * New coach hired his dad as an assistant and I don’t know if we think reverse nepotism is cool Downsides: Have cheap-ass ownership that piss me off every day
Category is... New Year, New Look * Brought in superstar Brittney Griner, who honestly just seems like she’s having a great time playing basketball and I love that for her * New coach, so hopefully will be less disappointing this year?! * Yearly reminder that the Dream are co-owned by former player Renee Montgomery after the players iconically ousted their racist co-owner from their leadership and the U.S. Senate Allisha Gray has the cutest southern drawl, combined with a “I love to win; who doesn’t want to win?” energy Te-Hina Paopao is here to drain threes and smile in your face Downsides: Play in a shoebox they call the Gateway Arena