David “schlazor” Lastname

@schlazor.bsky.social

1254 Followers 537 Following

Urban farmer (I have a small garden and I’ve made it my whole personality)

Me floating in a lake with a yellow pool noodle
Foot in a flip flop
It’s a big big house
The base of a Jabra headset that says 18+ Desk phone for some reason
A cosmo with a yellow middle and pink petals
AGGRESSIVELY MEDIOCRE SANDWICHES 2026
A half gallon mason jar of pickle spears ready to sit in the fridge
17 pickling cucumbers
Yellow summer squash slices coated in corn meal and topped with pecorino cheese in a toaster oven
Big jar of cucumbers fermenting
A yellow lab resting his juicy snoot on my ample abdomen
A HO scale model Burlington Northern 1709 locomotive going around a loop
A rectangle take out container filled with snap peas from the garden
530
Hazy view of a park because of the wildfire smoke
A half gallon jar of cucumbers and garlic and dill etc ready for fermentation
A stainless steel bowl full of pickling cucumbers recently salted
Topless schlazor in front of some corn sorry about the skin it’s super hot
A long donger of a cucumber on the vine right before a picked it
There’s a visible and audible arc on the top of a huge fuse on a power pole
Some kind of grasshopper living in my lettuce
A glass of orange pop in a Mayor McCheese glass which is on a side table also occupied with my water bottle that features a sticker of an opossum in a dumpster saying “it is what it is” and a framed picture of Colonel Toad
Screenshot of an app showing 199watts solar charging and 106 watts AC usage and a fully charged battery
A map of what people call sweet sugary beverages with the Minneapolis/St Paul metropolitan area circled, which is a mostly pop location
Two green beans
Great Value AAAAAAAAA AAAA Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Aaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa AAAAAAAAA AAAAAA AAAAA Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Aaaaa aaaaaaaa Aaaaaaa aaaaa AAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
23m ago New badge unlocked You are officially a top listener of Sufjan Stevens
A bumblebee head first in a cucumber blossom
Meatloaf topped with ketchup
A large countertop oven in an unconditioned space with several windows between my house and garage. Inside the oven is a meatloaf and some diced yellow potatoes. Under the shelf the oven is on are some beach towels because that’s where I put them I guess
Pickling cucumbers on the vine in my garden
A mean man backed into my thousand dollar minivan and dented the hood and fender and the whole bumper fell off
Fence around a mulched garden starring Mr Gately the crooked but functional gate
Mirror selfie with the lights off but I’m wearing a glow stick necklace and it’s lighting up my gray beard and the face of the possum playing a banjo on my shirt
A yellow lab laying exactly where I was installing the fence material with a look of defiance on his face
A black lab laying on the floor looking at me very suspiciously
23m ago New badge unlocked You are officially a top listener of Sufjan Stevens
Long and skinny cucumber bebe
Me in my minivan filled with mulch and you can also see that there’s a sticker on the roof of Saturn for some reason I don’t recall
Mulch on a tarp in a minivan
Jessica Fletcher wearing a blazer next to a man
The inside of a shitty minivan filled with mulch
David Lynch playing FBI bureau chief Gordon Cole in Twin Peaks: the return saying “fix your hearts or die!”
It’s pretty tall
Me and a van load of wood chips
A little plastic kitty on a fader
Lakeland hamburger buns in a bag on a table
So much corn in between the train tracks
Cherry cobbler (a dessert, not a shoe repair professional)