Professor of Public Policy and Education at Vanderbilt University, lover of opera and ice cream. Views expressed are my own.
![ANNOUNCER (booming voice):
In a thunderous demonstration of economic valor unmatched in modern history, the illustrious Leader of the American people, Supreme Commander of Capitalist Trade Negotiations, His Excellency Donald J. Trump, has wielded the mighty sword of tariffs to vanquish the legions of unfair trade practices that have long oppressed the industrious workers of his great republic!
[Cue footage of steel mills, flags waving, eagle soaring]
With the wisdom of a thousand sunrises and the courage of a roaring lion, Supreme Leader Trump stood tall against the conniving forces of international trade manipulation. No longer would the sacred forges of American industry be shackled by the cheap exports of lesser nations! No longer would the great harvest of American labor be stolen by the greedy hands of global profiteers!
[Dramatic pause, music shifts to soaring strings]
In a brilliant stroke of genius unmatched by all previous rulers of the Western world, Supreme Leader Trump imposed glorious tariffs—just and righteous tributes to the dignity of his people—on steel, aluminum, washing machines, and the cunning wares of the East!
[Cut to a heroic montage: workers in MAGA hats, factories reopening, Trump’s silhouette superimposed over an American flag]
Under his unmatched leadership, industries once left to rot have risen like phoenixes from the ashes! Factory chimneys once silent now sing songs of productivity! The enemies of fair trade tremble as their cargo ships return home empty, humiliated by the iron will of the orange-haired sovereign of tariffs!
[Voice rising to a crescendo]
O people of America, rejoice!](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:up5zm355ydxhzf5zdz7w74hq/bafkreibinmzz7jjay4knk7uuglchscnyhbnbwttvc2kguydomttuknfqc4)
Professor of Public Policy and Education at Vanderbilt University, lover of opera and ice cream. Views expressed are my own.