ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid!

@shalamarr.bsky.social

1136 Followers 1685 Following

61. She/her. Loves beauty, gay pirates 🏴‍☠️, “Deadloch”, “Good Omens”, and the hockey boys 🏒 . Writes OFMD fics (https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shalamarr/works

Picture of a vegan zucchini chocolate Bundt cake, made by moi, so you know it’ll be AWESOME.
3:25 PM Thu Jul 30 = 100% C Relationships: Characters: Additional Tags: Language: Stats: archiveofourown.org Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet, Black Pete/Lucius Spriggs, Oluwande Boodhari/Jim Jimenez, Archie/Oluwande Boodhari/Jim Jimenez Stede Bonnet, Edward "Ned" Low, Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Black Pete (Our Flag Means Death), Spanish Jackie (Our Flag Means Death), Hellkat Maggie (Our Flag Means Death), Israel Hands, Crew of the Revenge (Our Flag Means Death), Original Male Character(s), The Swede (Our Flag Means Death), Benjamin Hornigold, Felix (Our Flag Means Death) Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ned Low is a Psycho, Stede Bonnet Needs a Hug, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Needs a Hug, Pretty much everyone needs a hug except Ned Low, Buried Alive, Alternate start to Season Two, Podfic Welcome, Whump, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Use, Minor Character Death English Published: 2026-06-23 Updated: 2026-07-30 Words: 19,233 Chapters: 3/5 Comments: 25 Kudos: 26 Bookmarks: 3 Hits: 269 Thirty-Six Hours Shalamarr Edit Chapter Chapter 3: Ed, Part 2 Summary: Lucius shoved the plateful of stew away, looking like he was going to be sick. "Oh dear God, some psycho has buried Stede alive? What the fuck are we going to do?". "That's a good question." Izzy looked keenly at Ed. "What are we going to do?". Ed had fantasized about scenarios similar to this one. Stede in trouble, begging Ed to intervene, only to be met with sardonic laughter and "You left me, Stede, now I'm leaving you. Get the fuck out of my sight. Come near me again and I'll kill you." Those fantasies had been bitterly satisfying and, when paired with plenty of rum and rhino horn, had helped pass the long, lonely nights. Now that fantasy had become reality, there was only one answer to give. "We're going to find him, and we're going to save him." Nice. Very good. Love that. But how, exactly, is Ed going to make that happen?
10:18 AM Fri Jul 24 = 100% C archiveofourown.org Rating: Archive Warning: Category: Fandom: Relationship: Characters: Additional Tags: Language: Stats: Teen And Up Audiences Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings M/M Our Flag Means Death (TV) Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet Stede Bonnet, Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Crew of the Revenge (Our Flag Means Death Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Loves Stede Bonnet, de Bonnet Loves Blackbeard | Edward Teach, The Innkeeper Era, Podfic Welcome, Post-Season/Series 02, Thunderstorms English Published: 2026-07-22 Words: 7,682 Chapters: 1/1 Hits: Blue Skies Shalamarr Summary: Stede and Ed are thisclose to opening their inn for guests, but unfortunately, a certain bad bitch named Mother Nature is going to complicate matters. Don't worry, though, our boys' love for each other will see them through. ----- This is for Day 24 of the "Our Summer Means Death" challenge. The prompt was "Storm"
Ed in his Kraken era, holding the Stede wedding topper and looking devastating. He needs a hug.
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So long my dear friend. You are so loved and will be sorely missed by us all. Even though you didn't even remember it, I still think your best work is when you explain space travel by poking a pen through a piece of paper in Event Horizon (also the awesome eyes bit), and playing the antichrist, Damien Thorn, in Omen 3. I'm not sure what other roles you did but whatever. Love you and see you soon, sweet Nigel.
4:37PM Sun Jul 12 = 100% 4• Language: Stats: archiveofourown.org everyone needs a hug except Ned Low, Buried Alive, Alternate start to Season Two, Podfic Welcome, Whump, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Use, Minor Character Death English Published: 2026-06-23 Updated: 2026-07-12 Words: 13,707 Chapters: 2/5 Comments: 16 Kudos: 20 Hits: 147 Thirty-Six Hours Shalamarr Edit Chapter Chapter 2: Ed Summary: "Jesus fucking Christ, Hands, even if the ship you've spotted belongs to King George himself, I don't give a fuck, and if you want to keep the toes you've got left, you'll -". "It's not a ship. It's a note." "A what?". "A note, addressed to you. It was just delivered." If anyone else had told Ed that, he would've suspected that person of having him on, but this was Izzy Hands. He lacked a sense of humour at the best of times, and it was unlikely that he or anyone else would call these the best of times. "How the fuck was it delivered? We're in the middle of the bloody ocean!". "Carrier pigeon, sir." That made a little more sense, but even so, carrier pigeons were precious, rare commodities, and sending them this far out to sea was risky. Who would want to get hold of him that badly? Ned Low kept the promise he made to Stede in the previous chapter and has sent Ed a note, letting him know that he's stolen something of Ed's. Will Ed be able to decipher the note? Will he even bother trying, now that he's fully in his Kraken era consisting of booze, drugs and violence? Notes: WARNING: part of this chapter deals with a minor character's death, and I've updated the tags accordingly.
Woah. Ed’s eyes widened. Strong arms. Broad freckled shoulders. Golden-haired chest. And, faintly visible through the bushes’ lower branches, long legs. All completely devoid of anything resembling clothing. “You’re naked!”, he blurted. There was an audible sniff of irritation. “Thank you so much for stating the obvious. It’s not like I was feeling horribly awkward, or anything.”
Crossword puzzle whose clue is “hole near a tongue”. Oh myyyy …
Rating: Archive Warning: Category: Fandom: Relationship: Characters: Additional Tags: Language: Stats: Teen And Up Audiences Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings M/M Our Flag Means Death (TV) Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet Stede Bonnet, Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Israel Hands, Lucius Spriggs, Black Pete (Our Flag Means Death), Fang (Our Flag Means Death), Frenchie (Our Flag Means Death) Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, Fluff Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Loves Stede Bonnet, Everyone's in their late twenties here except Izzy, Izzy's canon age more or less (mid-forties), Idiots in Love, Podfic Welcome English Published: 2026-07-09 Words: 4,450 Chapters: 1/1 Hits: O Not So Secret Anymore Shalamarr Summary: Stede and Ed are colleagues who are head-over-heels for each other, but they're keeping their relationship a secret, because they're certain they'll be fired if it ever comes to light. Are they correct? Well, you know what they say about the word "assume". '. Let's just say that these two put the "idiots" in "idiots in love" • Never fear, though, there's a happy ending afoot! - ---- This is for Day 8 of the "Our Summer Means Death" challenge. The prompt was "BBQ" Notes: Title comes from Depeche Mode's "My Secret Garden"
Photo of Stede, Ed, and Zheng from season two of “Our Flag Means Death”. Ed is looking admiringly at Zheng while Stede looks REALLY insecure.
Me wearing my new Pride on the Prairies tshirt and looking fab.
Illustration of Ed from “Moonlight Becomes You” in full witch mode.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Hands, even if the ship you’ve spotted belongs to King George himself, I don’t give a fuck, and if you want to keep the toes you’ve got left, you’ll –”. “It’s not a ship, Captain. It’s a note.” “A what?”. “A note, addressed to you. It was just delivered.” If anyone else had told Ed that, he would’ve suspected that person of having a laugh, but this was Izzy Hands. He lacked a sense of humour at the best of times, and it was unlikely that he or anyone else would call these the best of times. “How the fuck was it delivered? We’re in the middle of the bloody ocean!”. “Carrier pigeon, sir.” That made a little more sense, but even so, carrier pigeons were precious, rare commodities, and sending them this far out to sea was risky. Who would want to get hold of him that badly? Moving slowly so as to not jostle his aching head, Ed opened the door. “Give it here.” Izzy handed it over. Ed unfolded it and read it in silence. When he was done, he gave it to Izzy, who read it aloud. “Blackbeard: This is to inform you that I recently stole a golden treasure from you and buried it somewhere in the Caribbean. I will not tell you where. That is up to you to deduce. You may choose to believe that I am joking. That is your prerogative, but let me assure you, I am deadly serious.”
Rating: Archive Warning: Category: Fandom: Relationships: Characters: Additional Tags: Language: Collections: Stats: Teen And Up Audiences Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings M/M Our Flag Means Death (TV) Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet, Black Pete/Lucius Spriggs, Anne Bonny/Mary Read Stede Bonnet, Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Crew of the Revenge (Our Flag Means Death, Anne Bonny, Mary Read, Lucius Spriggs, Original Male Character(s) Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Romantic Fluff, Stag Nights & Bachelor Parties, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Loves Stede Bonnet, Stede Bonnet Loves Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Belly Dancing, Podfic Welcome, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting English Our Flag Means Death Remix 2025 Published: 2025-06-30 Words: 4,927 Chapters: 1/1 Comments: 13 Kudos: 36 Bookmarks: 2 Hits: 196 Chance and Chemistry Shalamarr Summary: "What's the matter? Don't you like bachelor parties?". The truth was that Stede didn't, not really, especially when they were accompanied by that snickering attitude of "You poor sap, this is your last chance to enjoy yourself before you get shackled to the same person for the rest of your life.' " ----- This was written for the "Our Flag Means Death Remix 2025". It was inspired by the charming and delightful "If I Were a Bell, I'd Be Ringing" by Deniz_B. Their title came from a Guys and Dolls song, and so does mine (mine is from "I'll Know"). Whereas their story was written from Ed's perspective, mine is written from Stede's. Notes: For Deniz_B. Inspired by If I Were a Bell, I'd Be Ringing by Deniz_B
Gorgeous pride flag beaded bookmark!
He was about to hit Send when Lucius suddenly shrieked like a banshee, startling the hell out of him. "Jesus!". Pete flailed and knocked over his coffee. "Aw man, what a mess! And it was expensive, too! Why'd you have to go and scare me like that, Lu?". “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, but you need to come look at this!". “Why?". Pete began to mop up his spilled beverage, still grumbling about the expense. "Has Jemaine finally started working on a sequel to What We Do in the Shadows?". “Just get over here!".
Pam from “The Office”: STOP USING MARCUS AS A CHARACTER'S NAME! Michael Scott: YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GOING TO START USING IT EVEN HARDER.
Husband, me, and Con.
Me: Good morning! Friend: Good morning! How are you? I am enjoying my coffee before I start my day. Me: Drinking coffee too while I wrestle with my latest fic! Friend: Oh, that's exciting! It must be so cool to write a story, even when you have tough days, you know something wonderful is around the corner!
9:37PM Tue Jun 23 - 80% G Rating: Archive Warning: Category: Fandom: Relationship: Characters: Additional Tags: Language: Stats: archiveofourown.org Teen And Up Audiences Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings M/M Our Flag Means Death (TV) Israel Hands/Lucius Spriggs Israel Hands, Lucius Spriggs, Evelyn Higgins (mentioned) Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Medical Clinic, Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Silly, TW: brief mention of giving blood sample, TW: brief mention of peeing, Age Difference, Izzy's in his mid-fifties, Lucius is in his thirties, Podfic Welcome English Published: 2025-06-22 Words: 4,189 Chapters: 1/1 Comments: 8 Kudos: 33 Bookmarks: 1 Hits: 191 I'll Make Your Heart Smile Shalamarr Summary: "What the hell?". To Izzy's horror, the bathroom door started to open. "No," he whispered in disbelief. "No, no, no, this can't be happening!". It was like something out of his worst nightmares. The ones in which a monster was chasing him, but his feet were mired in cement and he couldn't move. All he could do was remain frozen in place, powerless to prevent what was about to happen. In his distress, he almost dropped the container. He fumbled clumsily and managed to grab it just in time, but not before splashing piss on his shoes. "Fuck!".
11:14 AM Tue Jun 23 = 80% O archiveofourown.org Rating: Archive Warning: Category: Fandom: Relationships: Characters: Additional Tags: Language: Stats: Mature Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings M/M Our Flag Means Death (TV) Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet, Black Pete/Lucius Spriggs, Oluwande Boodhari/Jim Jimenez, Archie/Oluwande Boodhari/Jim Jimenez Stede Bonnet, Edward "Ned" Low, Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Black Pete (Our Flag Means Death), Spanish Jackie (Our Flag Means Death), Hellkat Maggie (Our Flag Means Death), Israel Hands, Crew of the Revenge (Our Flag Means Death), Original Male Character(s), The Swede (Our Flag Means Death) Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ned Low is a Psycho, Stede Bonnet Needs a Hug, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Needs a Hug, Pretty much everyone needs a hug except Ned Low, Buried Alive, Alternate start to Season Two, Podfic Welcome, Whump English Published: 2026-06-23 Updated: 2026-06-23 Words: 5,129 Chapters: 1/5 Hits: 0 Thirty-Six Hours Shalamarr Summary: Stede tried to raise a hand so that he could rub his sore forehead, but something was wrong. His hand refused to obey his command. He opened his eyes, carefully so that he could avoid being attacked further by the unforgiving sunlight, and ... "What the hell?". He was trussed up like a rotisserie chicken, lying in a pit several feet deep that had been dug in the sand. "Who did this??". "That'd be me," a cheerful voice said from somewhere above. "Morning, sleepyhead." Consider this a re-imagining of Season Two. Not because I didn't enjoy the Season Two we got! I adored it and always will, but I just wanted to tell a different story. We'll have angst and danger and whump and the whole nine yards, but in the end, true love will prevail. You have my word on that.
Me, wearing the tshirt with Captain Holt’s line from “Brooklyn 99”. “Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place".
Caricature of my husband and me. Check out those TEETH!
Photo from a GQ shoot showing Connor Storrie and Hudson Williams looking like they were caught in flagrante delicto.
A promo shot for #OFMD with Taika as Ed and Rhys as Stede.
Rating: Archive Warning: Categories: Fandom: Relationship: Characters: Additional Tags: Language: Stats: Teen And Up Audiences Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings F/F, F/M, M/M Our Flag Means Death (TV) Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet Stede Bonnet, Lucius Spriggs, Crew of the Revenge (Our Flag Means Death), Original Female Character - or is she?, Ed "Blackbeard" Teach (mentioned) Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Stede Bonnet Needs a Hug, Episode: s01e07 This is happening, Podfic Welcome English Published: 2026-06-07 Words: 5,796 Chapters: 1/1 Hits: 2 The Map Seller Shalamarr Summary: We all know how the "This is Happening" episode began, right? • Ed told Stede that he was thinking about leaving the Revenge. • Stede was frantically trying to think of a way to stop him when Roach interrupted to report that they'd run out of oranges. This was bad, because they needed oranges on account of the Swede's teeth falling out from scurvy. • Stede set off with Lucius to get more oranges. Instead, he returned with a treasure map that he'd bought from some woman. This story is about that woman. Who is she? Just a random con artist? Or, maybe, someone we happen to know pretty well? Let's find out!
Rating: Archive Warning: Category: Fandom: Relationship: Characters: Additional Tags: Language: Collections: Stats: Teen And Up Audiences Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings M/M Our Flag Means Death (TV) Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet, Original Male Character (s) Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Loves Stede Bonnet, Stede Bonnet Loves Blackbeard | Edward Teach, The Innkeeper Era, Post-Canon, Jealous Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Podfic Welcome English OFMD Fluffvember 2024 Published: 2024-11-12 Kudos: 87 Bookmarks: 9 Words: 3,325 Hits: 542 Chapters: 1/1 Comments: • Busted Shalamarr Summary: Ed felt a tiny bit bad for lying to Stede about the tea cannister being empty, but he had to go into town right away for reasons he didn't intend to share with his husband, and he'd needed an excuse. He'd told Stede that he trusted him implicitly, and he'd meant it. After hearing Stede's story, however, there was someone he didn't trust, and that someone was about to get a visitor.
Photo of my 7th birthday party. Big ol’ pink cake!
Photo of Taika holding Grogu.
Piece of brookie.
Photo of the vegan brookie I made!
Stickers on my laptop. One is art from the magnificent Jenn depicting Stede and Ed cuddling in bed, the other says “KINDNESS IS PUNK AS FUCK”.
Crossword puzzle clue reads “metal beaters”. The answer is “peens”.
Crossword puzzle clue that reads “No place for a semi.”
Comment on The Best of the Best RamonHicks Fri 22 May. 2026 01:45PM UTC Hey loved The Best of the Best. Ed gets jealous because Stede is being too nice to a rich lady, but Stede is literally the richest and most upper crust guy around, so why is he kissing her arse? Ed shouts, Stede glares, and then they probably make up because the real conflict is who gets to wear the knitted sweater. A Project Hail Mary reference appears for no reason, and two grown men are having a meltdown over social etiquette. Honestly I cannot stop thinking about Ed wearing a hand knit beanie while accusing Stede of class traitorship. That kind of chaotic energy was made for panels. I make manga and comics and your story is exactly the kind I look for. Hit me up if you are ever curious. DC lila_grace63 or email lilagrace213@gmail.com. Reply Thread Freeze Thread Delete Block
Selfie from New Year’s Eve 2025.
Stede, suddenly realizing he has GROUPIES.
Young Ed and Stede, loathing each other on sight.
Ed being a menace to the French captain.
Lovely embroidery in trans colours!
Rating: Archive Warning: Category: Fandom: Relationship: Characters: Additional Tags: Language: Stats: General Audiences Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings M/M Our Flag Means Death (TV) Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet, The Badminton Twins, Original Characters, Elizabeth Teach (Ed's Mother) Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Podfic Welcome English Published: 2023-09-24 Words: 2,729 Chapters: 1/1 Comments: 39 Kudos: 154 Bookmarks: 18 Hits: 631 • Lucky Man Shalamarr Summary: Ed, newly rich thanks to a lottery win, is attending a fundraiser. His reason for being there goes beyond writing a cheque for a good cause, however. He's a man on a mission, and nothing is going to stand in his way - until he meets Stede Bonnet. The evening doesn't turn out at all the way he planned.
Rating: Archive Warning: Category: Fandom: Characters: Additional Tags: Language: Stats: Teen And Up Audiences Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Other Our Flag Means Death (TV) Elizabeth Teach (Ed's Mother), Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Liam Teach (Ed's father) Past Domestic Violence, A mother's love for her son, A little sad but uplifting just the same I hope, Podfic Welcome English Published: 2023-09-01 Words: 1,305 Chapters: 1/1 Comments: 4 Kudos: 24 dos: 24 Hits: 76 • I'll Sleep When I'm Dead Shalamarr Summary: Elizabeth Teach lost her husband and her son on the same night, and life has never been the same since.
Photo showing a door with a cleaver as the handle.
Yummy soaps!
Rating: Archive Warning: Category: Fandom: Relationships: Characters: Additional Tags: Language: Stats: General Audiences Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings M/M Our Flag Means Death (TV) Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet, Mary Allamby Bonnet/Stede Bonnet Stede Bonnet, Mary Allamby Bonnet, Original Female Characters), Stede's parents, Blackbeard | Edward Teach (Mentioned) Stede Bonnet Needs a Hug, Inspired by Enid Blyton, Canon Compliant, Podfic Welcome, Angst with a Happy Ending English Published: 2026-05-01 Words: 4,915 Chapters: 1/1 Hits: 0 The Greatest Adventure of All Shalamarr Summary: "Please, Nanny!". "For the hundredth time, Master Stede, the answer is no." "I'm not asking you to pay for them! I can pay for them! I've still got my birthday money that my grandparents sent me!" "That's not the point, Master Stede. If I were to help you buy those books, and your parents found out, I'd lose my job. You know what they think of such things." Stede knew, all right. He'd had his parents' opinion of whimsical distractions like toys and art supplies and storybooks drummed into his head for most of his ten-year existence. But I have to have those books, he thought with desperate longing. I simply have to.
A beautiful handmade tote bag with the embroidered words “Talk It Through As a Crew” - and candy! 🍬
Dulcie from “Deadloch” giving Eddie the ol’ are-you-fucking-kidding-me face.
Cover of the Bailey School Kids book called “Pirates Don’t Wear Pink Sunglasses”.
Letter from my mum’s old job, offering her a two week all expenses paid trip anywhere in North America.
Crossword puzzle misspelling Stephen King’s first name.
Image says: FUCK OFF. THEN KEEP FUCKING OFF. KEEP FUCKING OFF UNTIL YOU GET TO A GATE WITH A SIGN SAYING "YOU CANT FUCK OFF PAST HERE" CLIMB OVER THE GATE, DREAM THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM, AND KEEP FUCKING OFF FOREVER. www.meissisbeeutifullymade.com
Izzy, looking yummerific.
Crossword puzzle showing clue that says “Cormorant cousins”. Answer is “loons”.
T-Bone with just a little bit of scruff and CURLS.
photo of Ryan Gosling from what I believe is “La La Land”.
Crossword puzzle whose clue says “Plots with lots of pricks.”
Adorable buttons showing Ed and Stede from seasons 1 and 2!