kd

@sweatnap.bsky.social

434 Followers 296 Following

baltimore always anxious bmoretrail.com

deer in the green grass
cedar waxwing in a tree with blue sky behind
Their fears subsided, mine grew, I was alone in the mute darkness. And I, your mature self, wasn't there for you, I wasn't there that terrible November night or during the cold dark winter that followed or the too bright, dazzling spring which arrived as it always did even though my world order had been upended and the revealing spring light skewered me, it shone through me and there was nothing I could do about it, it pierced me in order to highlight and examine my most private self without permission, nights so bright there was nowhere to hide, everything bared and exposed, and I, your mature self, wasn't there and couldn't encourage you or comfort you and didn't understand the depth of your pain, the totality of your pain, didn't know that such mental and physical anguish existed, caused by the words, actions and attitudes of your guardians, and I didn't hear it until now, forty-eight years later, forty-eight years overdue, the cry from the young woman I once was, directed at me, she was crying out to her mature self, she had been calling out to me for decades: Talk to me! Comfort me! Offer me your hand of salvation, throw me a lifeline, pull me up! I didn't hear her calls, her desperate pleas then, but I hear them now, they echo in my brain and they won't ever stop. 131