The Grand Arbiter 🏳️‍🌈

@teagrandarbiter.bsky.social

266 Followers 156 Following

Tea Based Justice, Served Piping Hot. I’ll be yapping here about Magic the Gathering, Gay Stuff, and Whatever I Feel Like.

Soul Barrier {2}{U} Enchantment Whenever an opponent casts a creature spell, this enchantment deals 2 damage to that player unless they pay {2}. “The Soul selects her own Society— Then—shuts the Door—” —Emily Dickinson, “The Soul selects her own Society” Illustrated by Harold McNeill
Creature Bond {1}{U} Enchantment — Aura Enchant creature When enchanted creature dies, this Aura deals damage equal to that creature’s toughness to the creature’s controller. Illustrated by Anson Maddocks
Fledgling Mawcor {3}{U} Creature — Beast Flying {T}: This creature deals 1 damage to any target. Morph {U}{U} (You may cast this card face down as a 2/2 creature for {3}. Turn it face up any time for its morph cost.) 2/2 Illustrated by Kev Walker
Psionic Blast {2}{U} Instant Psionic Blast deals 4 damage to any target and 2 damage to you. Illustrated by Douglas Shuler
Jolrael, Empress of Beasts {3}{G}{G} Legendary Creature — Human Spellshaper {2}{G}, {T}, Discard two cards: All lands target player controls become 3/3 creatures until end of turn. They’re still lands. “I need no army. I have Jamuraa.” 3/3 Illustrated by Matthew D. Wilson
Faithful Mending {W}{U} Instant You gain 2 life, draw two cards, then discard two cards. Flashback {1}{W}{U} (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.) “What has been looted can be restored. The church lives on within us.” Illustrated by Caroline Gariba
Zombie Infestation {1}{B} Enchantment Discard two cards: Create a 2/2 black Zombie creature token. The nomads’ funeral pyres are more practical than ceremonial. Illustrated by Thomas M. Baxa
Izzet Charm {U}{R} Instant Choose one — • Counter target noncreature spell unless its controller pays {2}. • Izzet Charm deals 2 damage to target creature. • Draw two cards, then discard two cards. Watermark: Izzet Illustrated by Zoltan Boros
Meteor Storm {R}{G} Enchantment {2}{R}{G}, Discard two cards at random: This enchantment deals 4 damage to any target. The storm wasn’t an omen. It was the fulfillment of one. Illustrated by John Avon
Horizon of Progress Land {T}, Pay 1 life: Add one mana of any type that a land you control could produce. {3}, {T}: You may put a land card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped. {1}, {T}, Sacrifice this land: Draw a card. Illustrated by Julian Kok Joon Wen
Cactus Preserve Land — Desert This land enters tapped. {T}: Add one mana of any type that a land you control could produce. {3}: Until end of turn, this land becomes an X/X green Plant creature with reach, where X is the greatest mana value among your commanders. It’s still a land. Illustrated by Jonas De Ro
Fountainport Land {T}: Add {C}. {2}, {T}, Sacrifice a token: Draw a card. {3}, {T}, Pay 1 life: Create a 1/1 blue Fish creature token. {4}, {T}: Create a Treasure token.
Ominous Cemetery Land {T}: Add {C}. {5}, {T}, Exile this land: Target creature’s owner shuffles it into their library. “They are fast. Faster than you can believe. Don’t turn your back, don’t look away, and don’t blink.” —The Tenth Doctor Illustrated by Anato Finnstark
Fomori Vault Land {T}: Add {C}. {3}, {T}, Discard a card: Look at the top X cards of your library, where X is the number of artifacts you control. Put one of those cards into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order. Illustrated by Jonas De Ro
Coalborn Entity {4}{R} Creature — Elemental {2}{R}: This creature deals 1 damage to target creature token, player, or planeswalker. The blacksmith forgot to feed the forge, so the forge fed itself. 4/4 Illustrated by Liiga Smilshkalne
Kraul Whipcracker {B}{G} Creature — Insect Assassin Reach When this creature enters, destroy target token an opponent controls. “Er, sir, we could try to cite him for mishandling evidence, but I’m not sure he technically has hands.” —Argyle, Agency junior detective 3/2 Illustrated by Filip Burburan
Perplexing Test {3}{U}{U} Instant Choose one — • Return all creature tokens to their owners’ hands. • Return all nontoken creatures to their owners’ hands. “Your proofs were a bit nontraditional, but effective nonetheless. Full marks.” Illustrated by Fariba Khamseh
Hivespine Wolverine {3}{G}{G} Creature — Elemental Wolverine When this creature enters, choose one — • Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature you control. • This creature fights target creature token. • Destroy target artifact or enchantment. 5/4 Illustrated by Lars Grant-West
Dogged Hunter {2}{W} Creature — Human Nomad {T}: Destroy target creature token. The relationship between hunter and hunted knows nothing of alliances. 1/1 Illustrated by rk post
Meditate {2}{U} Instant Draw four cards. You skip your next turn. “Part of me believes that Barrin taught me meditation simply to shut me up.” —Ertai, wizard adept Illustrated by Susan Van Camp
Safeguard {3}{W}{W} Enchantment {2}{W}: Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt by target creature this turn. “I’m amused by wasted effort when it’s not my own.” —Hanna, Weatherlight navigator Illustrated by Thomas M. Baxa
Naturalize {1}{G} Instant Destroy target artifact or enchantment. “From here, let the world be reborn.” Illustrated by Ron Spears
Sandstorm {G} Instant Sandstorm deals 1 damage to each attacking creature. Better to fight the sand for a few hours than to sleep beneath it forever. —Suq'Ata truism Illustrated by Mike Kimble
Recover {2}{B} Sorcery Return target creature card from your graveyard to your hand. Draw a card. As Barrin exhumed his daughter’s body, he finally realized the full price of his faith in Urza. Illustrated by Nelson DeCastro
Fireblast {4}{R}{R} Instant You may sacrifice two Mountains rather than pay this spell’s mana cost. Fireblast deals 4 damage to any target. Embermages aren’t well known for their diplomatic skills. Illustrated by Mike Bierek
Scaled Wurm {7}{G} Creature — Wurm “Flourishing during the Ice Age, these Wurms were the bane of all Kjeldorans. Their great size and ferocity made them the subject of countless nightmares—they embodied the worst of the Ice Age.” —Kjeldor: Ice Civilization 7/6 Illustrated by Daniel Gelon
Tower Winder {1}{G} Creature — Snake Reach, deathtouch When this creature enters, search your library and/or graveyard for a card named Command Tower, reveal it, and put it into your hand. If you search your library this way, shuffle. The tower guards eventually gave up, figuring it was better at the job anyway. 1/1 Illustrated by Kekai Kotaki
Lolth, Spider Queen {3}{B}{B} Legendary Planeswalker — Lolth Whenever a creature you control dies, put a loyalty counter on Lolth. 0: You draw a card and you lose 1 life. −3: Create two 2/1 black Spider creature tokens with menace and reach. −8: You get an emblem with “Whenever an opponent is dealt combat damage by one or more creatures you control, if that player lost less than 8 life this turn, they lose life equal to the difference.” Loyalty: 4 Illustrated by Tyler Jacobson
Hundred-Handed One {2}{W}{W} Creature — Giant Vigilance {3}{W}{W}{W}: Monstrosity 3. (If this creature isn’t monstrous, put three +1/+1 counters on it and it becomes monstrous.) As long as this creature is monstrous, it has reach and can block an additional ninety-nine creatures each combat. 3/5
Fiendlash {1}{R} Artifact — Equipment Equipped creature gets +2/+0 and has reach. Whenever equipped creature is dealt damage, it deals damage equal to its power to target player or planeswalker. Equip {2}{R} A fiery scourge for both flesh and soul. Illustrated by Antonio José Manzanedo
Lilysplash Mentor {2}{G}{U} Creature — Frog Druid Reach {1}{G}{U}: Exile another target creature you control, then return it to the battlefield under its owner’s control with a +1/+1 counter on it. Activate only as a sorcery. “Splashy entrances are my specialty. And they can be yours too. Try again!” 4/4 Illustrated by Aldo Domínguez
Ascendant Spirit {U} Snow Creature — Spirit {S}{S}: This creature becomes a Spirit Warrior with base power and toughness 2/3. {S}{S}{S}: If this creature is a Warrior, put a flying counter on it and it becomes a Spirit Warrior Angel with base power and toughness 4/4. {S}{S}{S}{S}: If this creature is an Angel, put two +1/+1 counters on it and it gains “Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, draw a card.” 1/1 Illustrated by Lie Setiawan
Angel of Serenity {4}{W}{W}{W} Creature — Angel Flying When this creature enters, you may exile up to three other target creatures from the battlefield and/or creature cards from graveyards. When this creature leaves the battlefield, return the exiled cards to their owners’ hands. 5/6 Illustrated by Aleksi Briclot
Enchanted Evening {3}{W/U}{W/U} Enchantment All permanents are enchantments in addition to their other types. In the reflection, she saw the rough shell of the world sloughing away, revealing the truth shining underneath. Illustrated by Rebecca Guay
Back to Nature {1}{G} Instant Destroy all enchantments. There will always be those who presume to improve nature, or dare to befoul it. And nature will always have a response. Illustrated by Howard Lyon
Captured Sunlight {2}{G}{W} Sorcery Cascade (When you cast this spell, exile cards from the top of your library until you exile a nonland card that costs less. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. Put the exiled cards on the bottom in a random order.) You gain 4 life. Illustrated by Nils Hamm
Healing Technique {3}{G} Sorcery Demonstrate (When you cast this spell, you may copy it. If you do, choose an opponent to also copy it. Players may choose new targets for their copies.) Return target card from your graveyard to your hand. You gain life equal to that card’s mana value. Exile Healing Technique. Illustrated by Michele Parisi
Life of the Party {3}{R} Creature — Elemental First strike, trample, haste Whenever this creature attacks, it gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of creatures you control. When this creature enters, if it’s not a token, each opponent creates a token that’s a copy of it. The tokens are goaded for the rest of the game. (They attack each combat if able and attack a player other than you if able.) 0/1 Illustrated by Brian Valeza
Mystic Reflection {1}{U} Instant Choose target nonlegendary creature. The next time one or more creatures or planeswalkers enter this turn, they enter as copies of the chosen creature. Foretell {U} (During your turn, you may pay {2} and exile this card from your hand face down. Cast it on a later turn for its foretell cost.) Watermark: Foretell Illustrated by YW Tang
Redemption Arc {2}{W} Enchantment — Aura Enchant creature Enchanted creature has indestructible and is goaded. (It attacks each combat if able and attacks a player other than you if able.) {1}{W}: Exile enchanted creature. Crime doesn’t pay nearly as well as the Agency. Illustrated by Dominik Mayer
Fractured Loyalty {1}{R} Enchantment — Aura Enchant creature Whenever enchanted creature becomes the target of a spell or ability, that spell or ability’s controller gains control of that creature. (This effect lasts indefinitely.) Illustrated by Greg Staples
Song of the Dryads {2}{G} Enchantment — Aura Enchant permanent Enchanted permanent is a colorless Forest land. Few who encounter the strange, human-like grove leave once the lilting chorus of the dryads reaches their ears. Illustrated by Lars Grant-West
Demonic Torment {2}{B} Enchantment — Aura Enchant creature Enchanted creature can’t attack. Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt by enchanted creature. Illustrated by Anson Maddocks
Oubliette {1}{B}{B} Enchantment When this enchantment enters, target creature phases out until this enchantment leaves the battlefield. Tap that creature as it phases in this way. (Auras and Equipment phase out with it. While permanents are phased out, they’re treated as though they don’t exist.) Illustrated by Jim Pavelec
Master of the Wild Hunt {2}{G}{G} Creature — Human Shaman At the beginning of your upkeep, create a 2/2 green Wolf creature token. {T}: Tap all untapped Wolf creatures you control. Each Wolf tapped this way deals damage equal to its power to target creature. That creature deals damage equal to its power divided as its controller chooses among any number of those Wolves. 3/3 Illustrated by Kev Walker
Midnight Banshee {3}{B}{B}{B} Creature — Spirit Wither (This deals damage to creatures in the form of -1/-1 counters.) At the beginning of your upkeep, put a -1/-1 counter on each nonblack creature. Many have heard the beginning of its low, sustained shriek but few the end. 5/5 Illustrated by Daarken
Noble Quarry {2}{G} Enchantment Creature — Unicorn Bestow {5}{G} (If you cast this card for its bestow cost, it’s an Aura spell with enchant creature. It becomes a creature again if it’s not attached.) All creatures able to block this creature or enchanted creature do so. Enchanted creature gets +1/+1. 1/1 Illustrated by Michael C. Hayes
Swans of Bryn Argoll {2}{W/U}{W/U} Creature — Bird Spirit Flying If a source would deal damage to this creature, prevent that damage. The source’s controller draws cards equal to the damage prevented this way. Any being that harms them quickly learns its lesson. 4/3 Illustrated by Eric Fortune
Ground Seal {1}{G} Enchantment When this enchantment enters, draw a card. Cards in graveyards can’t be the targets of spells or abilities. “They laid her to rest in the wilds, in a sacred place beyond the reach of nightmares or machines.” —The Nameless Knight of Summer Illustrated by BEMOCS
Archetype of Courage {1}{W}{W} Enchantment Creature — Human Soldier Creatures you control have first strike. Creatures your opponents control lose first strike and can’t have or gain first strike. “It has been my experience that soldiers most fervently follow generals who lead by example.” —Elspeth 2/2 Illustrated by Willian Murai
Embercleave {4}{R}{R} Legendary Artifact — Equipment Flash This spell costs {1} less to cast for each attacking creature you control. When Embercleave enters, attach it to target creature you control. Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has double strike and trample. Equip {3} Illustrated by Wylie Beckert
Throne of the Grim Captain {2} Legendary Artifact {T}: Mill two cards. Craft with a Dinosaur, a Merfolk, a Pirate, and a Vampire {4} ({4}, Exile this artifact, Exile the four from among permanents you control and/or cards in your graveyard: Return this card transformed under its owner’s control. Craft only as a sorcery.) Illustrated by Tiffany Turrill
Temporal Mastery {5}{U}{U} Sorcery Take an extra turn after this one. Exile Temporal Mastery. Miracle {1}{U} (You may cast this card for its miracle cost when you draw it if it’s the first card you drew this turn.) You have all the time in the world. Illustrated by Valera Lutfullina
Knight-Captain of Eos {4}{W} Creature — Human Knight When this creature enters, create two 1/1 white Soldier creature tokens. {W}, Sacrifice a Soldier: Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt this turn. The strength of Bant’s caste system is the unfailing loyalty of its meekest members. 2/2 Illustrated by Chris Rahn
Lammastide Weave {1}{G} Instant Choose a card name, then target player mills a card. If a card with the chosen name was milled this way, you gain life equal to its mana value. Draw a card. “A ribbon torn will ward away dark dreams.” Illustrated by Howard Lyon
Cute gay guy in a safety mask on a plane ✈️ escaping to Europe