Be Jay, Do Crimes.

@templinjay.bsky.social

3904 Followers 989 Following

Museum Nerd, Deadhead, and Dork Lord of the Sith. Master Gardener. Hunter. Jack of all trades. Veteran of the War on Drugs. Gizzard King of the Gizzard King Cabal. )O( #NoKingsButShortKings #ButlerianJihadNow

Screenshot of a reverse osmosis water treatment system for $325.50 from the manufacturer instead of $409 from Scamazon.
Infantino maneuvers Trump into the dock at Nuremberg. 2027, colourised.
Infantino maneuvers Trump into the defendants’ seat at Nuremberg.
Taylor Farms Caesar Chopped Salad. I wish motherfuckers would stop stanning a corporation that has already proven- more than once- that your health is of no concern to them as long as they get paid.
Infantino moving Trump into the defendant seat at Nuremberg. 1948. (Colourised.)
The Force Ghost of Mitch McConnell hanging out with fellow genocide enthusiasts Anakin Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi.
Me, taking an ussie while the Kid tightens up the last bolt on their side of the hood. Last week we replaced the side view mirror. Next week we’re replacing the mounting plate, headlights and bumper and changing the oil - I got sick of what they’re charging for oil changes these days. A pair of ramps (sold individually, the swine), a filter, and 6 quarts of oil, and it’ll all be paid off by the end of the day. Then they can get their inspection and their own insurance! Also, dig their awesome possum tattoo! Kinda jelly, but I already have my next one planned out.
Clafoutis aux cerises from Jamie’s recently posted recipe!
Philbert and the War Pony from “Powwow Highway.”
A screenshot from someone calling himself “Concerned Citizen” who is calling Muslims “sand monkeys” on main. If we don’t kick the Nazis out, it’s a Nazi bar now.
Mitch McConnell’s Force Ghost hanging out with two other genocidal war criminals.
The Force ghost of Mitch McConnell joins those of Anakin Skywalker and Ben Kenobi.
Thirsty man with a litre of dark German beer.
My family on the bridge of the starship Enterprise (original series) in Ticonderoga, New York. The Kid’s “Raised By Nerds” t-shirt is from MyFunkyCamelot on Etsy.
My cicada friend from last summer.
Trail map at Hillandale Park in Harrisonburg, Virginia. Basically illegible.
Shot from a parking lot in Harrisonburg, Virginia yesterday, 17 July. The mountains are invisible because of the smoke from the wildfires, which has turned the entire sky grey.
A Viet Cong fighter squatting in a tunnel holding an SKS with a folding bayonet. The caption says “When someone tells me good luck against tanks with your AR-15.”
A screenshot of a Politico article about DHS claiming that they found “thousands “ of non-citizens on the voter rolls that deliberately omitted from the headline the fact that there is literally NO evidence to support the claim.
Glass of horchata thickly topped with cinnamon.
A photo of old people in brightly coloured clothes at what appears to be a summertime gathering. They’re all looking at a man in his 30s who is glaring scornfully in disgust. He wears a stereotypical witch hat- tall, pointy, black, and a black hoodie with a human skeleton printed on it. The caption says “When Someone Says "Hey, It's Not Halloween Yet" But You're Only Offended That They Thought You Of All People Wouldn't Know When Halloween Is.”
An 8 inch round two layer chocolate cake with chocolate mascarpone ganache frosting. Lara did the frosting- she’s brilliant with that stuff.
A close-up of the mannequin’s crotch, which looks like a grumpy old man, saying “I’ve seen things you people wouldn't believe! Milk delivered by a horse-drawn wagon. Hamburger for 10¢ a pound. Politicians who worked for the good of the country. All these moments will be lost like my dignity. Time to die.”
A close up of the crotch on the mannequin, which looks like a grumpy old man and is saying “I’ve seen things you people wouldn't believe! Milk delivered by a horse-drawn wagon. Hamburger for 10¢ a pound. Politicians who worked for the good of the country. All these moments will be lost like my dignity. Time to die.”
Smilin’ Clam
Sam and Max: Our Bewildering Universe. A montage page consisting of six images. The first is labeled Baffling Animal Wonders and is an image of a tapir. Sam, a cartoon dog in a suit, tie, and fedora, points at it and says “Look at that. Isn’t it ridiculous? Maybe it will leave if we all laugh at it.” In the second, Max’s World of Discovery, a naked cartoon rabbit points at a loaf of sandwich bread on top of a refrigerator and says “Here’s an experiment you can do. Leave a bag of bread on top of the refrigerator for a long time. It will eventually turn grey and taste bad. Now throw it into the street.” In the third, Max clutches his head in horror and shouts “Sea Monkeys are NOT primates!” In the fourth, Sam and Max (now wearing a radiation suit) are standing in a field beneath a starry sky with a telescope. Sam says “Try imagining how far the universe extends! Keep thinking about it until you go insane! Do you know that the Earth is constantly being bombarded by cosmic rays? And they go right through these dumb suits! Sooner or later we’re all going to get something wrong with us. See what I mean?” In the fifth, Sam rubs Max’s head affectionately as they study a globe. He asks “who knows what would happen if they opened all the locks on the Panama Canal at once? I don’t!” Max replies “Me, neither! But it would probably be horrible!” The last image is Sam standing in front of a cornucopia full of fruit, holding a hammer. The caption says “Amazing Produce.” He asks “which fruit or vegetable is most resilient when you throw hammers at it? How can we find out?”
Looking at the end of the vane, you can see the line about a quarter inch from the bottom where it snapped off when a sailor who shall remain nameless dropped it on the deck.
Major Charles Emerson Winchester the Third looks horrified.
As for Long John Silver’s 8 piece family meal advising that you can get chicken and fish on the same platter.
Smiling middle aged guy with his hair in two thin braids that come down to his sternum- a far cry from the wrist-thick braids of his 20s.
A large black and gold spider with a silvery face and tan banding on its legs. The distinctive zigzag pattern in the web above and below the center is where the spider’s other common name- the writing spider- comes from.
Two seemingly normal forks from a set Ï got years ago.
July 1989. I hadn’t had a haircut in over a year - since 23 February 1988.
Ralphie Wiggum tells his parents “I spoke to Mitch McConnell for 20 minutes and Mitch McConnell looked at me and said that we should expand the Supreme Court.”
Ralphie Wiggum telling his parents “I spoke to Mitch McConnell for 20 minutes and Mitch McConnell looked at me and said that we should expand the Supreme Court.”
Bunch of kids, really. Just graduated from high school. Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip it’s been.
That grifter who took over the 700 Club when Pat Robertson went Mitch McConnell, saying “JESUS, I SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE FOR OTHER PEOPLE, AND I WANT THAT FOR ME.”
That grifter who took over the 700 Club when Pat Robertson went Mitch McConnell, saying “JESUS, I SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE FOR OTHER PEOPLE, AND I WANT THAT FOR ME.”
A disgruntled looking cat in a beret and thin mustache says “no” in French.
A 5 ounce tuna steak covered in chunks of cucumber and green onion in a lemon and olive oil dressing with fresh parsley. The role of starch is being played this evening by a local bicolour maize.
The owl represents innate (“gods-given”) talent, while the gear encompassing it is a reminder that putting in the work is also necessary.
My kid with their awesome new possum tattoo, tightening the mirror bolts so we can plug everything in and reattach the door panel. I made that Full Metal Alchemist Tshirt for them about 8 or 10 years ago.
Twining yucca fibre into cord. I don’t have any photos of twining wool. Although I have done it with my own hair, which is pretty wild and woolly.
A pro-Platner screed from someone calling themself “The Angry Wisconsinite.”
Trumbull’s famous painting of the Signing of the Declaration emblazoned with the words “Treason’s Greetings!”
Cicada on my finger.
An interpreter in 19th century uniform at Old Fort Springfield spots Bart Simpson peeking over the palisade and hollers “Hey! They’re trying to learn for free!”
Chicken in a bread pan, picking out dough? No! It’s a Red Dorking hen hunkering down inside a traditional clay oven to cool off.
A picture of the Pope pointing at the camera with a classic “I’m warning you pal” look on his face. He is green, and says “I’ll get you, my pretty! And your little nuns, too!”
The Great American State Fair, but the Arch duh Trump has become a Spirit Halloween store.
A quote from John Adams, telling his wife that on 2 July the Continental Congress had voted to adopt a resolution for Independence. He told her “The Second Day of July 1776, will be the most memorable Epocha, in the History of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.”
Page from a Grendel comic featuring Pope Innocent XLII, head of the American Catholic Church, who is also an immortal vampire.
Entirely hand-carved in a piece of oak that had been in the attic for probably 25 years, this is a piece based on M’Baku’s armour from the Black Panther movies. The museum was hosting an exhibition of the works of Ruth Carter, and because of the way the costumes were displayed, they were worried about people touching them. So I was asked to come up with a piece that people would be allowed to touch. White oak finished with aqua fortis and cowrie shells. Spring 2024.
A badge my Kid made from my art. It’s a version of the Great Seal of Virginia with the goddess Vertue standing atop a suspiciously orange tyrant with piss-yellow hair, his tumbled crown looking for all the world like a red ballcap.
A Jack o’Lantern carved with the image of a stylized Jacobean sailing ship, lit from within by an orange LED candle.
A B-movie monster sitting at a picnic table with a starlet, looking into each other’s eyes. The caption reads “I don’t know what she sees in me, either.”
A sad-eyed baby monkey looks up at you with the caption “encouraging monkey noises.”
Screenshot of a skeet from this March showing a print my kid did of a crossed-out swastika with the legend “Fascists Fuck Off!”
My vintage Centenaire Canadien decorative plate.
A photo of me 20 years ago this week in Baltimore. I’m wearing a blue doublet with red points, red breeches, gold stockings, an impressively broad hat with trim that matches the stockings, and a rapier.