Karla Pacheco!

@thekarlapacheco.bsky.social

2633 Followers 420 Following

Comics, video games, and other artisanal lies for money. Made Spider-Woman throw a kid off a boat, put the Punisher in hot pants TWICE. I pronounce it "blue-skee"

A (finally in focus) dog staring at you over a black tube labeled "Pet Dog...Animal. Made in China"
A blurry dog vigorously sniffing a black tube labeled "Pet Dog...Animal. Made in China"
THE MOST PERFECT DOG BEAN CURLED UP IN A BUNCH OF LITTLE STUFFED TOYS
A fat, concrete headed gazelle, curled up under a table in a very inconvenient fashion. (I am not being poetic with my alt text. This is seriously the best description of what the goddamn dog looks)
The saddest dumb baby (a Staffordshire terrier) in the world, begging you to pity (pun intended) her
Grey Staffy is now curled up on a blanket on the couch, the entitled little bitch
A disgruntled gray Staffordshire Terrier stares at you on a turquoise velvet couch, despite the living room being nicely appointed with classy botanical Legos, and a soothing seascape on the TV behind her.
A gray shower curtain advertising itself as "STAIN & SOAP" on one line, followed by "SCUM RESISTANT" on the following line. That third S was not very apparent.
A King Charles spaniel looking sad because Champ and I didn't steal it
Barda: A ridiculous dog who looks like a skinned gazelle stuffed with a hippo. Also she's covered in a bunch of stuffed animals she deliberately arranged on top of herself.
Text with a property manager where Karla declares her pit bull is super chill and intelligent
Barda coming straight at you she's gonna headbutt you right in the face no no noOohhh shit
Barda, a lovely grey Staffy, all over my business and staring at me with utterly psychotic eyes
Two hands clasped in a bit of sun, a sparkly little ring with a blue stone on the ring finger of the upper hand. It's disgustingly romantic in a normo kind of way.
A pile of chopped raw meat, labeled "Red Velvet Cake Slice"
A diner style menu made for exactly one person (Stuntdiiick) and a dog (The Dog) Velvet Hippo Cafe: Dinner Menu All dinner entrees accompanied by oven roasted broccoli, fresh baked biscuit or garlic toast, and chopped house salad with assorted dressings HAPPY HIPPO HAMBAGU Hamburger Steak topped with a tasty demi-glace, plus choice of potato (as long as it's mashed) or buttered rice. DINO DINNER: CHICKEN LIMONE or ROAST GARLIC CHICKEN All-white chicken breast cutlets sauteed in a light lemon sauce on a bed of saffron rice. Or juicy boneless thighs roasted with garlic AND SO MUCH FUCKING BUTTER!!! BARDA’S BANGERS Onion & Ale Irish Bangers, with mashed potatoes and rich brown gravy. Add an over-medium egg for no charge! (And only MINOR side-eye!) BABY’S BAKED SPAGHET Hearty golden protein pasta baked with a spicy italian meat sauce and just a touch of parmesan (also available unbaked) TOKYO TILAPIA (currently sold out) Cajun, lemon butter, or salt-baked Tilapia with rice, miso soup, pickles, and sesame salad.
The first page of "Dig Six Graves" from Pacheco/Perez. Which, we should all admit, is the most badass title of a comic ever.
Scene from Encanto with the text "We don't talk about Piss Nymphs"
Barda barely fitting in a little dog chair, while leaning into her regular sized dog bed
A very stoic dog staring at you over a plate of popcorn
Barda curled up in a fancy dog chair she barely fits in, while staring at a much roomier and achievable dog bed
Barda's fat ass curled up into the tiny baby chair she doesn't even fit into
A VERY JUDGEY STAFFORDSHIRE TERRIER LOOKS AT YOU
A silver grey Staffordshire Terrier with incredibly perky ears stares at you whilst sitting upon a teal velvet couch. There's a Lego orchid in the foreground. Nothing you could ever imagine will make your life nicer than this.
A very judgey Staffordshire Terrier is giving you the HARSHEST side-eye. Like, it flensed you to the bone. Sorry about that. Don't look her in the eyes!
Snow White "Pakidge" meme
A ridiculous dog staring at you intensely while she sits in a fancy little chair. She is judging the FUCK out of you, and you have been found wanting.
A ridiculous dog trying to fit into a tiny chair. Hilarious and sad.
Sewing materials next to a throw pillow
A tiny white dog chair with a scalloped pattern design
All I have to do tomorrow is drink water, go to the dentist, and get a job! Also vacuum.
The books' authors said it was "nominated" for a Pulitzer, when they only submitted it, which any shitstupid asshole could technically do. I would appreciate their chutzpah, if the book didn't actually suck SO FUCKING BAD.
I don't even know where to start, but I'm posting a picture of a book page, where the author uses arcane, inchoate, cryptic, alacrity, sepulchral, and goddamn TENEBROUS in four fucking sentences.
A woman in a white pantsuit in a white room thrusts her chest dramatically towards a wall of white clouds
A text conversation where Karla (me) says "I'm being good, but Jesus. This Jesus specifically." and then I posted the classical painting of the Temptation of Christ where Satan was gesturing like the Will Smith meme where Smith was all "look at thiiiis!"
Some nerdy little Dalek and TARDIS and succulent soaps
THE COOLEST SOAP EVER! A clear golden skull with petals floating in it.
THE COOLEST SOAP EVER! A clear golden skull with petals floating in it.
Barda staring into your soul or a void or some shit
Tumblr post asking if you were a cucumber melon bitch or a warm vanilla sugar bitch
The next story, “Venom Vice” by Karla Pacheco and Pere Perez, serves as a sequel to Venom: License to Kill, a miniseries that had Venom conscripted into becoming a secret agent (this was back in the ’90s when “Venom Fever” was at its highest). Pacheco is having an utter blast, scripting a comedy of errors where Venom’s attempts to track down a crime lord results in a trail of bodies. So is Perez, who puts the “blood” in Black, White & Blood. Bodies are run over, eyes are plucked out, and in one of the more gruesome moments, Venom bashes a guy’s head open against a dumpster.
VENOM! Black, White & Blood #2 cover
Karla and Stuntdiiick giving thumbs up with a huge ass tiki drink in front of them
"Become a chef and cook breakfast recipes in cooking games for kids and girls"
A beautiful staffie with RIDICULOUS ears sitting on a bed in front of a shoji screen
A crystal glass holding a smaller crystal class (it's sake with hot water around it) and a tiny green egg cup (now filled with hot sake), and a little wooden tea table all on top of a metal trunk in front of a blue velvet couch.
A horrible quickie photo edit of a quokka and a kakapo doing "EPIC HANDSHAKE". I'M SORRY!!
Karla in a goddamn handmade dress what says "bathroom code 1995"
An incoming call notice over the previous post. Don't worry, it's just fucking spam again.
Karla drew the babadook
A one month calendar with about 15 different appointments blocked off
Well-developed well-nourished female in no distress
Karla's living room with a comfortably elevated TV stand
Two hip replacements
Barda, the dumbest most beautiful dog
It's a mother fucking haboooooob
News articles about Netflix's Kpop Demon Hunters leading theatrical box offices over the weekend
a tiny egg cup filled with whipped Danish butter, and a little package of those super thin Italian bread sticks, like I'm some sort of weak-chinned prince.
An alien looking uncomfy under Captain Futuron's gonch
Image from the game "Tiny Bookshop" with a description of "The Magic Fish" by Trung Le Nguyen (that made me squeal with delight)