Samantha Baars 💖

@therealsambaars.bsky.social

195 Followers 571 Following

Critics have compared me to, “Dr. Seuss in a morgue,” said I’m, “too awake,” and called me, “an activist freak and a fool.” I say that's too generous. ✨💖😈

Ok imagine a giant inflatable Earth that I’m just starting to circumnavigate. This is an installation outside the Kennedy Center in D.C., where the grass is green and lush and the sky is kinda gray. Me and Earth are in the background of the pic. In the foreground is my friend Emily’s baby hound Jane, a German shorthaired pointer that everyone on real Earth wants to stop and pet. She has her tongue out, a chocolate brown head, and the rest of her is speckled. The birddog is fucking stoked about a squirrel off camera while I have this bird’s eye view of inflatable Earth. I don’t know what Jane is thinking about, but I’m thinking about whether aliens lock their doors when they drive past our planet. I would.
It’s me! I’m waving hi to you! And today it’s all about a gray tank and cardigan from the waist up, baby! Wait. Do I have a lazy eye?
I can’t even fucking believe this cup of frothy pink coffee topped with a white foamy heart just starting to fade into its warmth…………………..
Looks to me like a few kids playing bluegrass around a 8-foot-tall, sparkling white stalagmite. If you’re swallowed by Grand Caverns in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia, you’ll find most of the cave walls and formations covered with iron oxide, or basically a mud-colored rust. But if you encounter even the smallest sparkle of bright white calcite, you’ll know the formation is still actively growing. Which is cool as fuck.
The devil wears pink. A messy blonde with white skin and a pink top is surprised by the matching pink horns sticking out of her noggin. Unfortunately they are only drawn onto the image. Wait, how did she see them?
There’s a cute girl with straight blonde hair, blue eyes, and pink lips smiling at me but all I can see is her massive forehead. The subject’s sweatshirt suggests she supports West Virginia as a concept.
A fat orange cat winks into the camera. A blonde woman wearing spectacles and the biggest blue sweatshirt you’ve ever imagined holds the pussycat. The woman is barely surviving being eaten alive by her massive blouse and aims a peace sign at the camera like it’s 2007. Why is her cat winking?