Ben Ward

@timegentleman.bsky.social

1033 Followers 245 Following

video game writer & designer | he/him | https://benward.xyz avatar by @michaelfirman.bsky.social header by @2dforever.com

A social media post from some joyless pedant who thinks that movie poster designers don't realise they're using the Greek alphabet incorrectly, and that audiences give a shit. It reads: "I am once again begging Hollywood to stop using the Greek alphabet for an Ancient World movie, if they can't afford to even throw a couple of quid at anyone with an inkling of the language. Unless they really think audiences are dying to see THS THDPSSSSPS."
An abrupt-to-the-point-of-threatening email from Disney Plus with the subject line "Finish watching The Simpsons".
Ben from Lair Of The Clockwork God, via CRT filter.
A very on-the-nose moment from Lord Of The Rings where the flag of a failing kingdom tears off a pole and blows away in the wind.
A bunch of framed maps hanging on a wall. From left to right: Darklands, Baldur's Gate 2, Skyrim, Dwarf Fortress, Might and Magic, and Might and Magic 3. There's also a hastily photoshopped-in map from classic adventure game "Time Gentlemen, Please!".
Rik from The Young Ones in a cowboy hat.
52 seconds long YouTube video titled "Trackastrophe! - Official Developer Deep Dive Trailer Women-Led Games x SGF 2026".
a screengrab of the bit of Dan's post that says "farting just dropped".
Fake YouTube UI with additional options to tell them why you're not interested in a video: "Obnoxious thumbnail", "I'm not a hateful bigot", "Fucking SPOILERS", and "In a moment of weakness I clicked on one cute cat video but I would like to see other things again now plea"
Meeting Overview • Technical Checks Completed: Initial audio confirmed clear; video visibility was limited. Fourteen participants present at the start. • Unauthorized AI Removal: Team identified and removed the AI note taker, Fireflies, to ensure meeting control and focus.
Me in 2026, labelled "DLSS OFF", and me in 2018 labelled "DLSS ON".
A poster for the Netflix show "Jo Nesbø’s Detective Hole". Dark and grimy, it features a star at the centre.
My follower account of 1020, superimposed over a scene from video game Time Gentlemen Please in which a series of clocks have been set to 10:20.
The most metal game review award badge ever, reading "Wolf's Gaming Blog - Recommended" and featuring a silhouetted werewolf howling with a game controller in one hand and what is presumably a bottle of booze in the other, all framed with laurels and ribbons AND stars.
Steam forum thread. Title: New announcement on Bluesky Post 1: Developer is planning to add bunch of woke stuff right after two hour of playtime to own the chuds. So if you are into that sort of thing you can support them. If you are not I am just warning you about potentially scam (misleading game, hiding strong political content so you cannot refund when it shows). Source below. Reply 1: tell me you don't understand british satire without telling us. hell satire in general. get outta here kid. Reply 2: first day at understanding jokes school Reply 3: Cool, I hope VValak comes out as Bisexual followed by an epic dance sequence at the end of the game.
A Who of Whoville playing a who-hoober, with grabs of my quoted post by the ends of two of the hoober-horns, one labelled "Me posting on Bluesky" and the other labelled "me quote-posting myself because I didn't get the likes I deserved".
A review snippet, reading "You are VValak (that’s right, two Vs) Lizardtongue, the inept, lazy and cunty Grand Shepherd of the Tyrythian Ascendancy whose only friend is Milky, a sentient milk-filled nursing bot that he should have grown out of as a child. Truth be told, VValak stole his spot on the throne by ensuring his older (and far more capable but equally as cunty) twin brothers killed one another, leaving his father no choice but to pass on the reins to the only remaining son before he died."
Steve Martin performing comedy to an audience of dogs, Martin is labelled "me workshopping my BlueSky posts" and the dogs are labelled "Discord".
My hand squeezing a Panic Pete fidget toy in a vaguely work-like environment.
Steam bundles of Earth Must Die with, individually, Lair of the Clockwork God; Expelled!; Loco Motive; Kathy Rain 2; Old Skies; Foolish Mortals; Tangle Tower; Sam & Max: The Devil's Playhouse; Gibbous - A Cthulhu Adventure.
The Steam Store popular upcoming list sorted by relevance, with Earth Must Die sitting pretty at number one.
A looping animation from upcoming cartoony adventure game Earth Must Die, in which a stunningly animated alien emperor walks down a palace corridor, accompanied by his floating milkbot.
Thumbnail for a YouTube video from Double Fine titled "in-Engine - Double Fine's Keeper - Unreal 5 Exploration", with "Unreal 5 Deep Dive" in text on the thumbnail image.
Text from the article: If that wasn't enough of a recommendation, consider Size Five Games' previous work: Lair of the Clockwork God, a relentlessly hilarious point-and-click game merged with a platformer that I'm still sore I didn't give five stars to instead of four. "Bottomless wit and some inspired design choices make this genre mash-up a joy to play," I wrote at the time (2020).
A screengrab from the Adventure Game Hotspot website, of their Hotly Anticipated list of "Upcoming games generating buzz", with Earth Must Die sitting pretty at number one.
A promo image for upcoming video game Earth Must Die, with IndieInformer's summary next to it reading "Help this narcissistic alien overlord and his nursing-bot sidekick liberate Earth in a 90s-style adventure brimming with British-comedy voice talent, catastrophic choices, and interstellar spite".
A truly bizarre, presumably AI-generated promo image on the Channel 4 website for Red Dwarf series 1 and 2.
Thumbnail for a YouTube video titled "Jackie Chan Reacts to Family Photos & ‘Rush Hour’ Memories".
A crew role from the Stranger Things credits: "Nether Technicians".
An image from pop culture mentioning the current date, which is a) definitely real and b) a very very exciting thing to have happened.
Thumbnail preview for a YouTube video titled "Why CGI Feels Boring Now".
A shot from Avatar Fire And Ash, showing the magnificent Varang in all her alluring spendour.
The Size Five page on Steam, with all their games listed and the price totted up in big friendly red text and then a drawing of Dan and Ben by a Christmas tree next to the incredibly reasonable total cost, as if to suggest that anyone not buying all these games will have a rotten holiday season and perhaps even be visited by three humourless ghosts.
An Instagram post from the BBC Archive account, in which they show a 1990 news report about the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles toy craze, but RECKLESSLY use a hashtag referring to them as "ninja".
Poster for a truly awful-looking "Sky Original" movie starring Kiefer Sutherland and Danny Dyer.
An 11-foot bronze Robocop statue in snowy Detroit.
A preview image for Back To The Future on Disney Plus, it's the classic poster but with a cobbled together picture of Doc Brown put through a Drew Struzan filter and slapped in there.
A scene from the movie Ace Ventura, in which Udo Kier is acting magnificently and Jim Carrey is overacting magnificently.
A skiplist (i.e. list of episodes not to skip) for Star Trek The Next Generation: S01E01&02 "Encounter at Farpoint"; S01E06 "Where No One Has Gone Before"; S01E10 "Hide and Q"; S01E13 "Datalore"; S01E15 "11001001"; S01E22 "Symbiosis"; S01E23 "Skin Of Evil"; S02E03 "Elementary, Dear Data"; S02E08 "A Matter Of Honor"; S02E09 "The Measure of a Man"; S03E15 "Yesterday's Enterprise"; S03E16 "The Offspring"; S03E21 "Hollow Pursuits"; S03E26&S04E01 "The Best of Both Worlds"; S04E02 "Family"; S04E04 "Suddenly Human"; S04E05 "Remember Me"; S04E08 "Future Imperfect"; S04E11 "Data's Day"; S04E19 "The Nth Degree"; S04E21 "The Drumhead"; S04E22 "Half a Life"; S04E25 "In Theory"; S05E02 "Darmok"; S05E03 "Ensign Ro"; S05E04 "Silicon Avatar"; S05E05 "Disaster"; S05E18 "Cause and Effect"; S05E23 “I Borg”; S05E24 “The Next Phase”; S05E25 “The Inner Light”; S05E26&S06E01 “Time's Arrow”; S06E02 “Realm Of Fear”; S06E07 "Rascals"; S06E09 "The Quality of Life"; S06E10&11 "Chain of Command"; S06E12 "Ship in a Bottle"; S06E14 "Face of the Enemy"; S06E15 "Tapestry"; S06E18 "Starship Mine"; S06E19 "Lessons"; S06E20 "The Chase"; S06E21 "Frame of Mind"; S06E22 "Suspicions"; S06E24 "Second Chances"; S07E04&05 "Gambit"; S07E06 "Phantasms"; S07E10 "Inheritance"; S07E11 "Parallels"; S07E12 "The Pegasus"; S07E13 "Homeward"; S07E15 "Lower Decks"; S07E18 "Eye of the Beholder"; S07E20 "Journey's End"; S07E22 "Bloodlines"; S07E24 "Preemptive Strike"; S07E25&26 'All Good Things...'
A bunch of dumbass robots.
A big beefy DCU canon cartoon Batman cast in silhouette by lightning as he looks down at camera through a skylight.
The art for all three Back To The Future posters, without any text, logos etc.
Some sort of social media post from northavecandles, reading "Nobody understands the bond between a millennial and the mediocre movie their family just happened to own on VHS when they were twelve years old".
Richie and Eddie from Bottom sit on a sofa watching an alarm clock, intensely impatient and very nervous respectively.
An EVE Online trailer and the most self-defeating YouTube advert ever, using its pre-skip-button five seconds to advise the viewer that "this game is not for you".
A White guy with the word "I'm" at the top of frame and the word "White" appearing around him several times.
On a rundown industrial street dotted with overflowing and overturned skips, a grotty white mattress sits on the pavement, clumsily spray-painted with a red cross to evoke the English flag.
"I want less of the kind of person who makes relieved sounds." "Fewer." "Yeah, less of them."
WhatsApp conversation: Sibling: Did someone order Pretty Woman on Amazon prime using my gift card balance? Me: Definitely not me! Sibling: I thought not... Me: Thinking it was me would have been a big mistake. Big. Huge. Sibling: (posts big mistake gif) Good job I'm not those snobby women ey Me: Yep! Good job you were not there thinking it was me and are not now saying "l was very angry with him".
An InGen-branded medical cabinet in the midst of a hi-octane prison escape scene from the movie Face/Off.
BO BRAGASON AS PRINCESS ZELDA, AND BENJAMIN EVAN AINSWORTH AS LINK. IMAGE CREDIT: NINTENDO
The four film titles so far of the 28 Days Later franchise: 28 Days Later, 28 Weeks Later, 28 Years Later, and 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple.
The Dan character from "masterpiece" video game Lair Of The Clockwork God, soaring through a pub-themed platform level. Play it and enjoy it and review it NOW!
Bernard from Day Of The Tentacle doing his talk animation loop in all its Chuck Jones-esque glory.
Post from The Independent: "BREAKING I ChatGPT down: OpenAl reports major outage as users see error message."
"42 Likes".