Tom Juniper🏳️‍⚧️

@tomjuniper.bsky.social

605 Followers 474 Following

Your weird, AuDHD, trans auncle. Sometimes poems and stories, sometimes unsolicited info dumping. I don't care if you talk about me as long as you do so using he/him or they/them pronouns.

A bus with an ad for vitamin supplements. Main text reads NO FILLERS! NO BINDERS! 100% ACTIVE INGREDIENTS!
A sweet potato that has sprouted in the cupboard.
A grey metal box attached to a wall, for people to put their cigarette ends in. It has two square holes near the top, and a picture of a smoking cigarette near the bottom, so that it looks like a jaded (square, grey) guy smoking a cigarette.
Fox scrunching up its face superimposed on flames. Text: IT FUCKEN WARMDY.
a life size black and white photo of Keir Starmer's grinning face (taken from a poster sent out as part of his Labour leadership campaign), which has been cut out and is being worn (by me) as a mask. The eyes have been replaced by the eyes of Bob from Twin Peaks (in full colour). Mixed Media, Juniper & McKenna, 2020.
A picture of Patrick Stewart as Jean-Luc Picard. Text reads: Happy Star Trek Day! "May-ke it Fourth."
A flagpole, with an alternative St George's day flag depicting George from Rainbow with the Soup Dragon from The Clangers.
An official statement from Nestle appealing for information as to who has nicked 12 tonnes of KitKats.
A ridiculous, cuboid, triple layer chocolate cake, coated in chocolate ganache and topped with fresh raspberries and mint leaves, on a wooden chopping block. A hefty portion has already been removed, revealing layers of cake, raspberry compote, and lemon Swiss meringue buttercream. I mean sweet Jesus.
A tub of Gochujang Paste
A baby coot (cooling?) swimming in a pond. It has black, floofy down on its body, with some yellow wispy bits near the head. The head, eye and beak area are mostly bald and red. It looks like it's been in a horrible accident - but they genuinely are just like that.
A male Egyptian Goose. He has pink legs and beak, reddish brown, cream and black plumage, and a STRONG eyeshadow game.
A crow holding a cracker in its beak, staring at the camera.
Shivering with cold, the little match girl struck her final match, sheltering the quavering flame in her chilblained little hands. She saw a grand and luxurious house. In the window, a magnificent Christmas tree shone with baubles and coloured lights. Rosy, laughing, and well-fed children danced about it. Nearby stood a table piled high with festive fare. The poor little waif gazed longingly on the scene, before dropping her match, setting the whole place ablaze. As the mansion burned to the ground, the little match girl smiled. She was warm now. Tom Juniper
Russell Tovey fucke a fysh
Poster for the 1954 horror film Them! Image shows an illustration of 2 giant ants attacking a group of panicking humans.
Three people standing in a doorway in shirts, ties, shorts and fishnets, and apparently sharing one pinstriped blazer. The two "outer:" hands brandish flyswatters. Cartoon devil horns have been added to the image. This is intended as a "Cerberus Says" Halloween costume. (cf: Gamechanger episode: Samalamadingdong)
A green packet of Korean anchovy and sardine bouillon tablets. The illustration shows that the "tablets" strongly resemble the sweets known in the UK as Polos and in the USA as Lifesavers.
A small sunflower with dark red petals which brighten to yellow at the tips. There are drops of rain shining on the centre of the flower.
Side view of a comedian with blue hair, and a Van Gogh "starry night" inspired shirt sitting on stage behind a piano keyboard. In the foreground an orange pull up banner obscures the view, apparently vertically bisecting said comedian.
A poster featuring a painting of the Banshee Labyrinth on Niddry Street, with various subterranean horrors depicted. Text reads Screech Night Spoken Word Showcase: Invi Brenna and Tom Juniper present a fine selection of poets and storytellers from all around the Fringe and beyond.
Turnip almost committed the perfect crime. He ate an entire box of 12 eggs including the box. Only very tiny bits of eggshell and scraps of cardboard gave it away. Honestly if he'd been slightly more thorough I never would have noticed.
A cartoon showing three angry looking pigeons and a squirrel sitting on fluffy white clouds, wearinghalos. In the background, a signpost points the way to the pearly gates. In the foreground man's head in silhouette, faces them. Caption "Not fast, Mr Lehrer".
A selfie of a white, dark haired, bespectacled queer on a sofa. I'm wearing an off-white, short sleeved, button down shirt with a pattern of black cats. This shirt inspires SO MANY people to tell me about their own black cats, that I’m tempted to set up a scheme where they can, for a small fee, have me name one of my shirt cats after their real cat.
A concrete outdoor area with a blue metal/glass building housing a stairwell in the background. In the foreground is a large metal sculpture. About the size of a mini-skip? It is a severed hand. It has a pleasing, art deco style leaf pattern on it, but it's still a severed hand.
A coot: black waterfowl about the size of a decent honeydew melon, with a white beak and... white forehead, I guess?. Sitting on sunny concrete and displaying one unexpectedly large foot.
Another grave. Poem: Fare well vain world, I have had enough of the(e) And now am careless what thou sayest of me The fault thou hast seen in me, take care to shun And look at home, enough theirs to be done.
An old green and grey gravestone. Poem reads Weep Not my dear husband, but be content For unto you I was but lent In love we lived, in peace I died You asked my life but were denied.
4 doors and a bucket. Door 1: XX Chromosomes only (butches, trans men, intersex people, and enbies need not apply) Door 2: XY Chromosomes only (butches, trans men, intersex people, and enbies need not apply) Door 3: ACCESSIBLE TOILET (Please present a written affidavit from the DWP confirming the legitimacy of your disability to reception if you want the key.) Bucket: Gender Ambiguity Courtesy Bucket Door 4: Genital inspection booth
Action shot of a starling in the act of snatching a bit of croissant as big as its head from my fingers. Sand, pebbles and calm, blue-grey river in background.
A great tit: small bird with black and white head and a yellow breast with a black line down the centre.
Some of the heroic and hastily assembled "TERF-blocker" squad, arrayed on and behind the stone "fence" outside the Sheffield town hall. They are using flags, signs, and their bodies to prevent a TERF attempt at disruption, and to screen our eyes from a tiny gang of Adult Human Fails, who came to cause trouble and eventually slunk away in ignominy. There is a tiny bit of a flag in Suffragette colours, which TERFs like so much to misappropriate in the name of hatred, poking out from behind Trans, Nonbinary and Palestine flags. Not pictured: the boiling piss of those waving it in vain.
That bloke who had a tantrum on Come Dine With Me because he lost and berated the winner with the words "What a sad little life, Jane." For what it's worth, he's wearing a truly hideous shirt with white and sickly mauve stripes.
A still from the film Mean Girls, with three teenagers (the titular Mean Girls) sitting in a school cafeteria, sneeringly addressing a less fashionable schoolmate. The caption reads "YOU CAN'T SHIT WITH US."
An honest to goodness pamphlet for a funeral doves company - displaying a pair of hands releasing a flying dove. It's called "Dove Actually".
A pair of legs in muddy wellies, ankle deep in mud with the phrase "stuck farmer" in bold text.
A drawing of a hippo's face with a speech bubble: "Hippos are among the most dangerous animals in the world due to their aggressive and unpredictable nature. Not me, though. I'm one of the good ones." Caption reads "Pick-Me Hippo".
A green litter bin in a petrol station. The placement of the holes for putting rubbish in combined with the binbad protruding from under the lid makes it look like a face with the tongue sticking out. Like a cheeky frog.
Poster in nursery school window showing two small children brandishing a sunflower/goblin-like effigy. They are towered over by an ungodly corruption of Peppa Pig.
A tiny restaurant called the Souper Joy.
Tweet from Adrian Bott (@cavalorn) posted Oct 6 2015: 'I never thought leopards would eat MY face,' sobs woman who voted for the Leopards Eating People's Faces Party.
Photograph showing an area of grey window ledge. A bit of road and grass verge can be seen far below. An oval blob of concrete appears to have a face like a surprised alien. Him go oo!
A black jacket with blue embroidered stitching, hanging on a rack. the lining is turquoise and grey satiny material.
Close up of shiny patterned fabric. It appears a greenish gold with white pattern.
A stock photo of an office workplace with the HR Giger Alien superimposed in the foreground. There is a speech bubble reading "The department will be undergoing a restructuring process" coming from the alien.
A bird's eye view of a bowl full ramen, soup and dumplings, with chopsticks resting on the rim. The bowl is on a lap of someone sitting in a hammock chair. In the corner of the frame a border collie's head can be seen staring at the viewer, her eyes full of desperation and reproach.
A white, trans masculine person with purple hair and glasses smiles from a striped hammock chair. in their lap is a middle size grey and white floofy dog (collie poodle cross), all flailing lanky limbs, white fluffy belly, and ridiculous face, mouth stretched open in what is in fact a yawn but could easily be mistaken for an opera recital.
An off centre close-up of a tortoiseshell cat's face, shot from below. She contrives to look both derpy and smug.
A document detailing the process for changing the gender marker for a trans patients. online version here https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://pcse.england.nhs.uk/sites/default/files/2023-08/process-for-registering-a-patient-gender-re-assignmentv10.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwiK8syvzrKDAxUaTEEAHZkaA3UQFnoECB0QAQ&usg=AOvVaw2b10Ti_QwloGyYAVUZ8M-z
Screen shot of a multiple choice quiz question: There are three playing cards on a table. An Ace is to the left of a Jack. A Queen is to the left of a Heart. And a Heart to the left of a Diamond. Name the cards, left to right. CHOOSE YOUR ANSWER DEVON KENT ESSEX CUMBRIA
An Amazon ad showing several netting sacks full of kindling, and a pile of loose sticks. the netting is a reddish orange and the bags have blue drawstring ties at the top that look like antennae: giving them a weirdly shrimp-like aspect.
A wholemeal barm (large, soft bread roll) containing an entire individual meat pie. It's sitting on the sort of paper you'd get a burger wrapped in.
An almost bird's eye view of 5 small terracotta pots on a windowsill. each pot has 3 barrel cacti ranging from 1 to 3 cm in diameter.
Image Description: (NB: Somewhat unfortunately, Google Lens appears to read the PBH's Free Fringe logo as PBH'S Free Cringe 😆) Poster for a spoken word show at Edinburgh fringe showing a fair skinned person with blue hair and glasses looking scared with their hands up to their face, on a bright green background. Line drawings of a bald, goblin like figure, a slender, shadowy ghost and a serpentlike head peer around fro. behind them. Line drawings of various creepy looking monsters peer from behind them. Text of poster reads: Mythical. Miffed... Monstrous poems by Tom Juniper You've heard the fairytales... Now it's time for the monsters to have their say! "My own personal monsters found delightful playmates in Tom's cast of creepy, crawly gonna-getchas!" - Kate Bornstein "A brilliant poet" - Ian McMillan 16:15-17:05 20-22, 24-27 August. Whistlebinkies (Small Room) https://tomjuniper.com/