Oracular Bubba

@trasgomorph.bsky.social

232 Followers 231 Following

shitpostmodernist. aspiring vermispex. writing at CASCADE CASCADE, Hipsters of the Coast, Cool Stuff Inc.

Magic card named “Azog, Moria’s Ruin,” depicting a nasty armored goblin swinging a cleaver.
A Magic card called “Orcish Bowmasters,” which depicts two guerrilla- and gorilla-like Orcs clad in greenery with massive tusks aiming bows at the “camera.” It’s a Ron Spencer piece, so you KNOW they have lurid green and purple highlights.
A Nightstalker, a monster from Magic: The Gathering
Scotty (PSH) from “Boogie Nights” sobbing in his car, but he’s saying “I’m a chud” instead of “I’m an idiot.”
Dale Cooper from “Twin Peaks: The Return” wheels around in shock, asking “What year is this!?”
The poster, a fat beardo in an antifacist Moomintroll t-shirt and light purple baseball cap, stands at a mirror. His phone is shattered. His visage is stern but distant. His nasal structure is that of a benevolent god.
Homies playing Magic.
A booth at an upscale bistro, littered with thick-walled glasses and cloth napkins. In the center, a pantless baby doll. It looks like a still life from Bioshock 3: Charleston Upcharge
The poster, a fat bearded man who looks like Ignatius J. Reilly had Instagram, is holding a crocodile with its snout taped shut, which was not his doing. He looks delighted; the croc looks torpid as hell.
Missed call alert from “Onancock, VA”
A screenshot of Wikipedia that claims the first diss track was Qu Yuan’s “Li Sao” in the year 300 BCE.
Screenshot of a maps app, directing the user to “Genesis of Cumming” car dealership
The icon, Bob Odenkirk, in a bad wig and a worse beard. He’s holding a beach ball and the text says “KENNY AGE 14” in Nickelodeon-ass font.
Carmela Mina Bockman, a Siamese mix, is standing in the midst of a bouquet. She looks beautiful and empty-skulled, which is accurate.
Dark art of an eyeless creature in a leather hood and apron with a distended jaw full of croggled oversized teeth. Pipes jut from its back. It is surrounded by various gray-and-blue-toned monsters, all beaks and fangs and warped flesh. It rules.
A can of Bevi Bene’s Adriatic Lumiere beer.
The “David Lynch claims Eraserhead is his most spiritual film” quote, but it’s been edited shitpost-style to be Ral Zarek talking about Abhorrent Oculus. Look, man, I don’t know, sometimes social media is about self-exorcism rather than self-expression.
The Magic card “Germination Practicum” with a reasonable board state that becomes obscene with Germination Practicum
user @trasgomorph, a fat bespectacled man with a beard, is standing in the bathroom at Craft &Draft. His skeleton t-shirt and fingernails are glowing in the dim light. He looks great
A tabby cat is licking his chops after eating strawberries that were for the baby. He is clearly a menace.
A Magic board state with a ragged fluffy cat displayed, a forearm with a matched tattoo next to it. It’s Spriggan, the original, Shutup Poopcat himself.
A school bus, labeled “Good Intentions Paving Company,” absolutely t-boning a purple bus labeled “My Shit.” The implication is that the Joanna Newsom song periodically wrecks the poster’s Shit.
Bathroom graffiti of “M.C. Peepants,” the spider in a diaper and shower cap voiced by mc chris
A small Mediterranean gecko, one of those rad purple/orange guys with skin so translucent you can see the dark orb of their eyes.
A parking deck named the Furman E. McEachern Jr. Parking Facility
A blonde woman onstage, washed out by strong lights and 2014 camera technology, singing into a microphone.
A quote from deceased author Cormac McCarthy wherein he describes a rattlesnake as being able to “kill you graveyard dead.”
A white bag of “Doritos Simply NKD,” which advertise themselves as being “naked of dyes” and artificial flavoring.
A foil copy of Odyssey’s Repentant Vampire. It is beat up and beautiful.
A Word document. The word “mana” is underlined by MS’s spellcheck and the popup is suggesting “manga,” which is not correct.
A 40-year-old Garbage Pail Kid card that has a list of twelve ‘80’s-tacular expressions from “MUTANT!” to “DROP DEAD!”
A large man wearing a wizardly beard and wig pushes through a curtain. In an incongruously high voice, he shouts “Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt! Power word: scrunch!”
Screenshot of Wikipedia article on “The Whole Dam Family and the Dam Dog,” a 1905 short film.
A grainy, artifacted picture of the Magic card “Riding the Dilu Horse.” It looks like shit. It grants +2/+2 and Horsemanship to a target critter (This effect lasts indefinitely).
A Magic Arena board state. It is turn six and I am attacking them for 28.
A fucken dope skull from “Ghost Train” in that inimitable 1990’s rAd hOlOgRaM style. Looking like a pog.
Carmela, a Siamese mix, and Hermes, a tabby barn cat, are hanging out on an ecru-colored sofa. They look chill as hell.
A hard Mt Dew Baja Blast and a nonalcoholic tall boy
A Magic hand in the Arena Powered Cube of some lands, an Entomb, an Animate Dead, and a Persist. Theoretically the best draw for the deck.
Several paragraphs of fiction purporting to be the text of an interview between The New Yorker’s Isaac Chotiner and a character from Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery.”
Alt art of new Magic card called “Grub’s Command,” with bright art from illustrator Phoebe Wahl of two Goblins looking at each other.
A stack of Blu Rays, including mostly animated films for kids and a beat-to-shit copy of Phish Live in Brooklyn
A bag of flour with the asinine legend “Raise Your Flour IQ”
A selection of about twenty Magic cards of apparently random rarities, conditions, and playability levels. And yet SOMETHING connects them…
Lot going on here. Picture of queasy goblins by Jeff Miracola from Exodus’s Nausea with the text “Artificial Intelligence.” Underneath, picture of stoked Goblin Wizard by Daniel Gelon from The Dark, with the text “Raunchy Consciousness.”
Carmela, a Siamese mix, sits in a box, with whistling between her ears.
Greta, the most traditionally fuckable of the gremlins, in front of a background of lipstick prints with the legend “it’s a gremlinonomenon.”
Skyshroud Vampire from Magic’s Tempest (1997). The art, by Gary Leach, absolutely fucks.
Four 4 oz pours of increasingly dark beers
A paragraph from the new Thomas Pynchon about “Bowling Ball Hospital,” a hospital for bowling balls.