Two Party Opera

@twopartyopera.com

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A comic about the Presidents of the United States and other star-spangled banter. By @classicbri.bsky.social http://linktr.ee/twopartyopera

Two panel comic featuring Mount Rushmore Panel 1: George Washington says "Something about this place makes me want to give a speech against communism." Theodore Roosevelt says "I don't know. Perhaps we could stand to be less hierarchical." Panel 2: Washington says "In what way?" Roosevelt says "We could get re-carved to be the same height!" Lincoln says "Pipe down, shorty."
Three panel comic featuring Lyndon B. Johnson giving a graduation speech at the University of Michigan. Panel 1: Johnson says "—for in your time we have the opportunity to move not only toward the rich society and the powerful society—" Panel 2: Johnson continues: "—but upward to the Great Society." And voice off-panel screams "YES!!" Panel 3: Warren G. Harding and Harry Truman are on their phones, Harding says "I had 'Great Society' on my Polymarket with 20-to-1 odds." Truman looks devastated at his results. Johnson, in the background, screams "Stop betting on my speeches!"
Three panel comic in a cozy recording studio. Panel 1: Franklin Roosevelt says "Joining me for tonight's Fireside Chat is Woodrow and Edith Wilson." Edith Wilson says "Thank you for having us." Panel 2: Franklin Roosevelt says "Woodrow, how are you feeling? I heard you were in the hospital for a fall?" Edith Wilson says "He's glad to be free of that place, and definitely not dead. As he's fond of saying, "liberty is its own reward." Panel 3: Franklin Roosevelt says "I also couldn't help but notice that he's made of cardboard." Woodrow Wilson tips slightly forward as a flat display with a newspaper stapled to his chest. Edith Wilson says "He's perfectly healthy! Look how he holds today's newspaper!"
Three panel comic featuring Presidents Andrew Jackson and James K. Polk. Panel 1: Andrew Jackson, holding a report, says "What's all this I'm reading about the Smithsonian becoming a woke organization?" Polk says "I did not see this comic when I signed the institute into law in 1846." Panel 2: Jackson says, "Nor did I, when I asked Congress to approve the bequest in 1836!" Polk gets out his phone and says "who is this James Smithson, anyway? Some mineralogist? Sounds like a radical." Panel 3: Jackson says "They're out of control! Too much focus on how horrible our country is, how bad slavery was—" Polk says "—and no mention of how successful slavery was!"
Three panel comic featuring Presidents Barack Obama and Richard Nixon. Panel 1: Obama comes in excited, holding a basketball. He says "You watching the NBA Finals?" Nixon says "I'm more of a baseball guy." Panel 2: Obama says "Yeah, I'm more of a Spurs fan myself." Nixon says "All these punks screaming 'Knicks in four...' 'Knicks in five..." Panel 3: Nixon throws up the peace signs and says "What we need is KNIXON NOW!"
Three panel comic featuring two helicopters in flight. Panel 1: The first helicopter says to the other, "Why the long face, AH-64 Apache attack helicopter?" The other one says "I'm worried about this plan to invade Venezuela, kidnap its leader, and then hand control over to American oil companies." Panel 2: The first one says "Oh?" The second continues, "We're not following illegal orders, are we?" Panel 3: The first helicopter starts sobbing, "What are you saying? you don't want to do this anymore?" The second helicopter says "No no! I didn't mean it like that! You know how much I love destabilizing the region with you!"
Three panel comic featuring Franklin D. Roosevelt in an inflatable frog costume. Panel 1: FDR hops into the frame and says "Hoppy Days are here again!" Panel 2: FDR approaches an angry gang of ICE agents. FDR says "Look at this kid. He wants Civil War so bad but not if I'm dressed as an inflatable frog." The ICE agent says "This Anti-fascist Roosevelt guy is ruining our tough guy TV footage! Let me shoot him once!" Two other agents behind him say "let it go, man!" "Don't let him get to you!" Panel 3: Abraham Lincoln arrives, also in an inflatable frog costume. He says "Send warning: the south had better hope it doesn't rise again!" FDR says "Cry Havoc! And let slip the frogs of war."
Three panel comic in the White House Press Room. John F. Kennedy is lighting up a cigar at the podium. Panel 1: JFK says "What kind of Kennedy would I be, without a checkered relationship to medicine?" Panel 2: There are syringes everywhere. JFK says "Dr. Feelgood for all! If it was good enough to get me through 1962—it's good enough for 'MAGA' Health and Human Services." Panel 3: Lyndon B. Johnson picks up one of the syringes and reads the label. LBJ says "This 'vitamin shot' is all amphetamines, steroids, and animal hormones." JFK, stabbing himself in the butt with one of the syringes, says "And a dash of Tylenol so don't take it if you're pregnant."
Panel 1: King Trump says "Long live the King! Like all American royals, I was crowned by saving New York from congestion pricing." Panel 2: SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS is spray painted in big red letters on a fortified wall newly built outside the White House. King Trump grumbly scratches out a new Executive Order, "All graffiti will hereby be in English only."
Jimmy Carter illustration from the comic Two Party Opera
Panel 1: A moneybag headed Broligarch leads a gang of industrialists (Rockefeller, Carnegie, and them) and says to the Statue of Liberty, "We are D.O.R.B. (Department of Robber Barons). List 5 things you accomplished last week to justify your job." Panel 2: Liberty lists them out, "Glowed world-wide welcome. Took in tired, poor, huddled masses. Requested the homeless, tempest-tost sent to me. Lifted my lamp beside the golden door!" Off-panel, the bro-ligarch responds "And a fith bullet?" Panel 3: Liberty regrettedly says "Maintained an average scrap copper price of around $3/pound." Bro-ligarch says "Melt her down, boys."
One panel comic showing a bunch of ICE agents in front of the Jefferson Memorial. The first one is holding John Adams down with his boot against the back of the containment van. John Adams yells "Take your boot off my face, you louse! I'm a citizen! From the greaat commonwealth of Massachusetts!" The second ICE agent is watching and says "We'll decide who's American, 'Juan Adams'." Two other agents are keeping Thomas Jefferson back. The one pointing his gun says "Go about your business. Pretend we're not here." Another says "Yeah, go on, tell your little jokes. Easy on the French stuff." Thomas Jefferson says "In his defense, the joke was really more about Alexander Hamilton than Charlie Kirk."
Four panel comic in the Oval Office. Benjamin Harrison is holding up a Medal of Honor. Panel 1: Harrison says "It's been decided: the perpetrators of the 1890 Wounded Knee Massacre will keep their medals—" Panel 2: "—Therefore, I, President Benjamin Harrison, award the Medal of Honor to this Hotchkiss 1.65-inch caliber mountain gun. May its place in history no longer be up for debate." Panel 3: Harrison salutes the gun and says "Thank you for your military service of the indiscriminate slaughter of hundreds of Lakota lives, including women and children." Panel 4: The gun has the medal hanging from its barrel. Harrison says "Or as Pete Hegseth calls it: 'Warrior Ethos'."
Four panel comic featuring President Andrew Johnson, angry. Panel 1: Johnson says "The way I see it, there are three kinds of people." Panel 2: "People who are wrong—and should know better." Panel 3: "People who are right—but ruin their cause by being too extreme." Panel 4: "And me! The reasonable one." Nearby, Ulysses S. Grant tells Abraham Lincoln "he claims this act does well on college campuses."
Four panel comic featuring Ronald Reagan in front of the White House south lawn, surrounded by concrete walls and barbed wire. He holds a sign that says "Keep Calm and Lick a Boot." Panel 1: "Pardon our dust, we are simply restoring the true spirit of America. By Force." Panel 2: "Utilizing the newest technologies to torment people of color in ways we could only imagine just a few years ago." Panel 3: "That's why it's called the 'American Experiment.'" Panel 4: "It was always a theoretical concept if white men could peaceably co-exist with others."
Caption: "Sign up for the Two Party Opera Newsletter." And it features George Washington giving the thumbs up while reading a newspaper with the headline "Newsletter?! Yes!"