The Man Who Would Be Damn Hell Ass King

@weirdnoirmaster.bsky.social

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Author, mammal www.weirdnoirmaster.com https://www.treadperilously.com/ https://www.rabbitandsnakepress.com/

Movie poster for John Carpenter's The Thing (1982)
Tweet and response. Tweet: Johnson's Anti-Diarrhoea Medicine @JohnsonAD "Use our product if you want to stop having diarrhoea." response: Carl's Pro-Diarrhoea Medicine @CarlsPD "Your product is for cowards."
An image of Gary Oldman as Mason Verger in Hannibal. Dude looks messed up and also shockingly like Mitch McConnell
Still from the Avengers of Bruce Banner looking over his shoulder and telling Cap his secret. Caption: "That's my secret. I've always got explosive diarrhea."
LOS ANGELES MINION March 31, 1957 CORRUPTION, MURDER AT NORTHEAST PRECINCT By Pearl Friday Northeast Precinct was not free of the corruption that reached its tentacles deep into the Los Angeles Police Department. Numerous high-ranking constables, including Detective Frank Wolfman, Lieutenant Temple Glass, and Captain Lon Talbot have taken unspecified sums in bribes from local businessbeing Sarah Bellum in exchange for illegal favors. Talbot and Glass were found murdered along with the bodies of eight zombies with ties to organized crime and lengthy criminal records at Wolfman’s residence in October of last year. Wolfman has since vanished without a trace. Talbot’s replacement, Captain Lobo Solitario, would say only that “investigations into the murder of these officers and the whereabouts of Det. Wolfman are ongoing,” but has yet to produce any leads, suspects, or documentation.
Mayor Vaughn from Jaws in that sick-ass anchor blazer
It's the news screen Quote From Man Stabbed "What are you gonna do, stab me?"
@dril tweet: the wise man bowed his head solemnly and spoke: "theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron"
It's the Norman Rockwell guy standing up painting.
Catwoman by the incomparable Darwyn Cooke
Anakin Skywalker glaring angrily
Tweet from the great Internet Hippo: "Just got back from the centrist rally. Amazing turnout. Thousands of people holding hands and chanting 'Better things aren't possible'"
A package with a potty on it and the caption "I look & sound like a grown-up toilet"
The cover of the DC Finest tpb "The Origin of Robin." That's really all you need to know. I only posted it to be clear about what I was talking about
Tweet from @TheAmitie "Haha outsmarted that Detective Columbo, dude has no idea I'm the murderer. He's just got one more question for me and then I'm off the hook"
John Cusack holding the boom box over his head in Say Anything
My cat, a calico, laying on a shelf. She's super cute.
Spider-Man pointing at each other meme
From The Simpsons, it's the door filled with all of Mr. Burns's diseases
Two frames from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Charlie is on a blind date and Dennis and Mac are coaching him. "Listen, you're a philanthropist, that's what you are." In the second, a panicked Charlie who doesn't know what a philanthropist is, tells his date "I'm a... full on rapist. You know?"
A still from the classic Simpsons episode Marge vs. The Monorail where the conman is about to sell everyone on his nonsense
A still from the infamous Folgers incest commercial
A pair of screenshots from 30 Rock. Here, Jack Donaghy, looking a bit manic, explains his plans with this line: "Sometimes your only choice is to blow everything up and build something better our of the rubble like what my good friend Bane tried to do with Gotham."
Marvel's Speedball, a superhero surrounded by a kinetic field!
TMNT title logo font: DISAPPROVING INDIAN MOM DOCTOR
Character actor Paul Giamatti
Brendan Fraser in The Whale, staring at the viewer with the enigmatic despair of a melancholic Mona Lisa
It's the Geordi meme! Geordi's passing on Genevieve O'Reilly in her early twenties Geordi's into Genevieve O'Reilly in her late forties
The cover of Justin Robinson's FIFTY FEET OF TROUBLE. A giant woman in a '50s style bathing suit sits over/beside the title band while lightning strikes around her. The city is below
Robert DeNiro in Meet the Parents at the dinner table casually saying "I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?"
A bald, bearded man holds money presumably taken from the pocket of the dead man next to him. On the other side, a woman looks surprised. This is Paul Bartel and Mary Woronov in the cult flick Eating Raoul. Fun fact, Raoul is Chakotay from ST: Voyager!
Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader
A package for a training toilet for a little kid. The important thing is the caption which reads "I look & sound like a grown-up toilet."
Garak from DS9
A cover from the economist. Foreground is Trump in full dipshit mode, yelling about something stupid, and in the background is Xi Jinping with a shit-eating grin on his face. the headline is NEVER INTERRUPT YOUR ENEMY WHEN HE'S MAKING A MISTAKE
Mission Control for Apollo 13. A bunch of those '60s guys looking real concerned in front of a bunch of open binders and a bank of monitors
Pacino in HEAT in the middle of "SHE'S GOT A GRRRREEEEAAAAT ASS!" like a horny Tony the Tiger. But let's be honest. Tony fucks. We all know Tony fucks. That's what sold all that cereal in the first place
An image from the dinner scene in Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974). It's a table with some cannibal food on there. You have two kind of rednecky guys on the left, Leatherface on the right. The important thing is the paper-skinned Grandpa at the head of the table and holy shit the guy looks about as healthy as Trump
A clown nose in packaging
Ted Cruz phonebanking for Trump back in 2016
Diedrich Bader in Office Space after he says what he'd do with a million dollars
The DC Finest trade paperback "The Doom Patrol: The World's Strangest Herores" You can also see my cat's feet at the top there because she was mad that I was home and not petting her
My main man Mike Ness of Social D playing his guitar. He's young, so he has a giant pompadour that looks like the cresting wave of an oil slick
Senator Adam Schiff
A pair of skeets. The top one is a quote skeet of an NYT article about the common serving sizes of household supplies and there's no delicate way to put this. It's a handful of white stuff. Just a whole stinking palm full. And the one underneath says "ending every conversation with jazz hands"
Still from Key & Peele's East/West Bowl sketch featuring (from the West) A.A. Ron Balakay
A headline: "Markwayne Mullin Reportedly Fingered Nostrils of Colleagues and Their Spouses During Visit to Israel"
Tweet? Comment? Something like that. Author: looks ok "I hate the muppets bcuz of the Pig girl, she was disgusting, i hate her with my life, she doesnot leave the lizard alone"
Dr. Doom kneeling, some explosion emanating from him, hurling a bunch of others (Kang variants I think) away from him as he shouts "FOOLS!"
The Master from Fallout 1. Imagine if they tried to make a cybernetic hot dog out of a guy and you're sort of there
A still from the classic Simpsons episode from 1996. Homer and Marge are both in chains, weary from enslavement, and Homer's got an armload of wood. Marge glares at him because he's doing the Democrat thing where he's being a smug asshole saying "Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos."
It's the Doof Warrior from Fury Road playing his flaming guitar
It's Blowjob Dog from The Shining with his billionaire daddy.
Guy in a helmet that's also a fishbowl. He's wearing goggles, noseplugs and appears to be breathing through a nozzle at the front. There's some goldfish swimming around his head. He looks like he regrets this sartorial choice
It's Sir Mix-a-Lot
The Humugus. the Lord Humungus! The Warrior of the Wasteland! The Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah!
A portion of Pornhub's map, showing California's biggest search was "girlfriend"
Edward Hermann in Lost Boys as a vampire.
It's the Norman Rockwell guy standing up meme. He looks a little like a beardless Abe Lincoln
It's a blank version of the button guy meme. Panel 1: 2 buttons, a hand unsure of which to push Panel 2: The guy is sweating, unable to decide