Willie Fitzgerald

@williefitz.bsky.social

12423 Followers 530 Following

Mr. Lunch Writer, editor, galoot. Stories in Joyland, Boulevard, StoryQuarterly and elsewhere. Senior Editor at American Short Fiction.

A screenshot of an email from the NYTimes reading "Meg Gala 2026: A listers..."
solid snake from the video game metal gear solid, not sure which one
Jay Sherman's dad from "The Critic"
bongo, a one eared rabbit, from matt groening's "life in hell" comic
An ad in the onion from the national pear council, which reads: just curious, when was the last time you had a pear? That long? how come?
One man is pointing at another, who has a small octopus in his breast pocket. The octopus has leaked ink. The caption reads "Once again, Vernon has a good shirt ruined by a cheap pocket octopus."
Two panels from achewood. At left, the character cartilage head is shifting his skull in a freaky way, and at right Ray, wearing a turtleneck and jacket, looks horrified.
a facebook marketplace listing. a man in a flatbrim sits on a black and chrome motorcycle with a baby wearing a leather jacket on his lap. The price for the motorcycle is $3000. It's a 2000 Honda Shadow in Brooklyn, with 20K miles.
You clearly didn’t get the response you wanted—which was information handed over to you without having to dig into the facts of the case to craft a truthful story—so you thought you’d “tattletale” to main justice. Lindsay [sic] Halligan was attempting to point you to facts, not gossip, but when clarifying that she would adhere to the rule of the law and not disclose Grand Jury information, you threaten to leak an entire conversation. Good luck ever getting anyone to talk to you when you publish their texts.
screenshot from the simpsons where the very tall man is driving a tiny car. nelson is in the background, about to laugh at him.
shot from beavis and buthead. beavis is crying in front of a gravestone that reads: here lies beavis. he never scored
text results of this ESPN bot reading, "You are: Woeful Your prediction: Woeful"
A scene from the simpsons: Homer is in a tiny car with a fly for a hood ornament, from a country that no longer exists. The car dealer is behind him pushing the car and shouting "put it in h!"
weird enormous baby from Akira, there's a guy standing in front of it covering his face with his arm
mark daigneault looking up and wondering why they'd put the paper towels and the toilet paper in different aisles if they're basically the same thing
Homer Simpson saying "I sleep in a big bed with my mind."
A google search result for the question "what allergnes are high today in NYC" The answer is "In New York City, April 24 2025, ragweed pollen is high, while mold and ragweed pollen are low." the two phrases with "ragweed pollen" in them are highlighted.
Mr Burns on the balcony, Smithers beside him looking nervous. Text overlaid say "I would specifically say that clinging to due process rights of people making asylum claims..."
The cover of Viper's Hiram Clarke Hustler remix album
my dad sitting with his legs crossed in front of a large pillar. he's looking at his phone, wearing a beanie and a black overcoat
A black truck with a "DISGUSTED DADS" decal on the windshield. the license plate says "DADSMATR"
Milhouse from the simpsons grimacing in sadness
Homer Simpson smiling. Text over it reads "It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography"
a shot of the "bad idea jeans" logo on a pair of jeans. It's black text on a red square, over faded denim. It's from the SNL skit "bad idea jeans"
A silver zeroll ice cream scoop
screenshot of a ludicrous soup recipe, which reads as follows: Fun facts about Chicken soup Here are some historical facts which you can share with your loved ones during the dinner. Chicken soup is everyone’s well-known dish. No matter where you go, chicken soup is the meal that you can find. But did you ever wonder when humans invented the soup? How did they come to the idea to make it? The history of soup is a very long one. Archeologists connected the first soup with the making of clay pots. In the event of making clay pots, people had all the requirements of cooking the soup. And that magical moment happened in 6000 BCE in Mesopotamia. How did they come to the idea of how to make a soup, archeologists don’t have an answer. It could be that they wanted to have something liquid to eat so that they could avoid being dehydrated. Or they were experimenting with clay pots, and making the soup was a successful and delicious result. However, archeologists find a few details of the first soup. It was a soup with meat, and they used hippopotamus. In light of the history of soup, the first soup was made in 6000 BCE, and it was made from a hippopotamus. Since that event, soup has become one of the most important parts of every cuisine, and evolved. Nowadays there are transparent and thick soups. Also, there are versions with meat, only vegetables, or a mixture of meat and vegetables. We can’t forget that some soups are made from fruits.
Tim Meadow's character from "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story" from the scene where he says "you don't want no part of this shit, Dewey"
kevin mcdonald from Kids in The Hall's "Daddy Drank" skit. he's wearing blue and white striped pajamas. A subtitle reads "Daddy posted"
a screenshot from facebook marketplace of a wooden box with the word "globe" written on it
still frame of norm mcdonald from the bit where he's reading a wikipedia page about hitler. he's saying "now wait a minute" as he reaches the part about all the uh, nazism
trending topics including Amazon, Meta Criticism, Mike Johnson, Speaker Election, US Steel and Marvel Rivals
screenshot that says "brad liked your post"
tim robinson sitting in a car from the skit where he doesn't know how to drive. he looks scared and confused. I've put text over the image that reads "A skeleton added me to a starter pack that went viral and i don't know who any of you are"
A sign at a park: “no use after sunset”
3D Homer Simpson from that Treehouse of Horror ep where he goes um 3D. He’s holding a cone and yelling at it in a vast, TRON-like grid
Spotify wrapped page. 1. Nourished by Time 2. Mount Kimbie 3. Misha Panfilov 4. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross 5. Protomartyr
A stress ball in the shape of Earth lying in a dirty puddle between the subway tracks
A facebook marketplace listening for a large, prob 3 foot tall hamster cage shaped like a brontosaurus. the listing reads: We want this stupid hamster cage out of our house. It has been here for so long and we don’t even have a hamster. Please if you have a hamster or just want it for decoration take it out of our house. Please i’m begging you. (only for sale until monday)
Milk glass coffee mug with writing on it reading: Yergen Farms LTD Higher yields with … (this text is cut off)
facebook marketplace posting of a hand holding a fan of bills. the price is $280 and the headline says "person who is willing to work from tomorrow"
A Spanish tortilla that’s like a foot thick
Rob Liefeld drawing of Cable shooting some sort of energy beam. Cable has an absolutely huge ass and thighs at least as wide as his torso. just a real wagon
A white tee shirt, with an extremely crude approximation of Microsoft Word’s Track Changes on it.
A guy from Dark souls praising that sun
Small wooden lion figurine on top of a bench
A carved stone ox
The charges aired in court on Monday were a far more limited version of CirclesX’s broader, more explosive claims: For decades, Texas’s major pipeline companies have covertly squeezed gas supplies before cold snaps and hurricanes. In doing this, the plaintiffs argued, they have driven up the price, and then using the ensuing disaster as a cover to break existing contracts, freeing up their gas supplies to be sold for newly-soaring prices on the spot market. “Winter Storm Uri followed this playbook,” the suit argues, “and indeed represents the most egregious example of Defendants’ manipulation and their greatest heist yet.”
the stonks meme man except instead of the number background there's just a wall sconce. it says sconce below the sconce. sconce.
Texas 10 congressional district. A very obviously gerrymandered district, which indeed looks like a wasp with a huge ass (derogatory)
The “a second plane has hit” meme with George W Bush and the other guy whose name I should Probably know by now
A moccamaster technivorm coffee maker in orange
a jar of laoganma chili crisp
The guy from “Dracula Flow” holding a cell phone
a facebook marketplace posting for a "gel pen with bug encased in the ink" the details say "acquired in the psych ward, sparkly light blue. 21 obo will ship"
Helen Lovejoy from the Simpsons saying “oh won’t somebody please think of the pundits?”
Screenshot of an awkward-looking man standing in front of a white PT Cruiser. Text overlaid on the image says "It's like a PT Cruiser came alive and then it read The Game." (The Game is actually just a picture of the pickup artist book)