bryan (Taylor’s Version)

@bryan.town

2732 Followers 309 Following

retired sock model | my rat name is “patty cake” he/him 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️

a green clearing of grass in between trees, they’re all deciduous and slanted to the left. It looks like an honorable place to die or like a place in a video game that you’d find some kind of treasure or item
an illustration of how a wormhole works using a bet piece of paper and a pencil poked through both sides
A discord screenshot telling me “I think I might have to unfollow you”
a picture of a brown horse wearing a wedding veil, captioned “what a shame the poor groom’s bride is a horse”
A screenshot of the jerrified labeler settings with the jerrified label set to “hide”
Sisyphus pushing a boulder up the hill, the boulder is labeled “the fucking dishes and the fucking laundry”
a cardboard fast food cup with a pink straw leaning over to talk to a brown blob who is wearing a sweatband and it’s captioned “I am 30 or 40 years old and I do not need this”
the mouse from Tom & Jerry (I can never remember which is which) walking with a smug look on his face
an unread email from “Meta Horizon” with the subject line “please tell us your birthday”
Carmen Sandiego running away with the less-popular contents of that wing in the Louvre
a companion photo to the CNN article about Meta’s new smart glasses. It’s a photo of zuckerber wearing chunky black glasses on a black background. The text on the photo reads “mark zuckerberg is making a major bet on the future. He’s about to share it.”
lord farquad from shrek making a proclamation that says "charlie kirk may die, but that's a sacrifice i'm willing to make"
A follow notification from 3200d0e7a0d971f8c0.bsky.social
someone named Jack quoting my post saying “This is giving 'Seinfeld in the 90s' vibes, where he's just looking to cater to a specific audience and not interested in saying anything new or interesting. Great job, 'Fail Bryan'”
the butterfly meme where the guy is labeled “bluesky users” and he’s asking “is this therapy?” gesturing at a picture of the bluesky “post” button
screenshot of my notifications with a follow back from martha
a lifting rack from the side with a 45lb plate on one side of a barbell. in the background is a lifting bench with a blue base. the whole thing is in a garage with unpainted drywall on the right of the frame
A recipe for donut prune salad that reads: Here's a crisp, fresh salad that will cause any "meat and potatoes" man to change his mind. Stew 4 prunes for each person. Pit the prunes and stuff with cottage cheese. Place two donuts on a lettuce leaf, fill the donut centers with cottage cheese and then top each donuf with a stuffed prune. Place two whole pitted prunes beside the donuts. Serve with mavonnaise
a picture of my profile, the words “my rat name is patty cake” have been added to the bio section
an edit of the “hey can we talk?” meme with the text exchange: gray text: Hey can we read the news? blue text: hang on gray text: okay…? [two hours later] blue text: alright I’m drunk let’s read it
two gamecube controllers next to each other on a rug, one is orange and one silver
the same skeet but edited to say “toes are my love language”
a confirmation screenshot in green saying “Thank you! Your comment has been submitted to Regulations.gov for review by the the Centers For Medicare & Medicaid Services.”
clippy saying “it looks like you wrote a message to a friend and you’re agonizing over every word before sending it!” “would you like a reminder that you should be your authentic self with your friends because they deserve to know the real you?”
a screenshot from the simpsons with a standup comedian holding a mic. in this scene he famously says “that’s the joke”
a listerine mouthwash bottle but the color is changed to pink and the label has been edited to say “Glizzterine hot dog mouthwash” with the tagline “glizzy fresh” and a picture of a hotdog. Also there’s a single hotdog in the bottle.
a “who can interact with this post?” popup that says “Only users with an asymmetric follower count can reply. No one but the author can quote this post.”
a picture of McMurray from the show Letterkenny
a wrapped candy bar that looks like an almond joy but is called “olive joy” and sure enough, below the wrapped bar is another image of the bar cut in half so we can see the cross section and it’s a coconut bar topped with a green olive and covered in chocolate. the olives have a pimento in them, which I think is a really important detail because otherwise the balance of flavors would be way off
Poo-Pourri, a product that you spray on the water of the toilet before you poop to make it not smell as much. Original citrus flavor.
a dumbwaiter in the wall with elevator buttons for B, 1, 2, 3, etc. it looks like a modern elevator and it’s behind beige metal cabinet doors which are currently open. the compartment is roughly 2 feet cubed, so I could maybe fit if I squished up really small I bet I could do it
four Xbox 360 games arranged in a square on the counter: assassin’s creed 1, assassin’s creed 2, assassin’s creed brotherhood, assassin’s creed revelations
a picture of Clippy with a speech bubble saying “it looks like the owner class won't change their ways without the threat or use of violence! would you like help 3d printing a gun?”
a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Half Baked ice cream
a picture of the tiny hippo moo deng, biting a handlers knee. The handler is wearing boots and long pants, and the bite is super cute and doesn’t look like it hurts at all
a famous tweet that has been badly edited to read “the fact that i'm at risk of seeing a ai founder's opinion at any point during my day is a human rights violation” the previous version used to read “the fact that i'm at risk of seeing a fourteen year old’s opinion at any point during my day is a human rights violation”
A chart titled “How to Self-Regulate” with emotions on the left: Angry, Overwhelmed, Insecure, Rejected, Discouraged but on the right hand side every box has been replaced with “say ‘it is what it is’”
a page from a cookbook showing a dish with the caption “Molded Beef Ring: Meat set in gelatin and waiting in the refrigerator brings peace of mind when company's coming. Recipe, page 289, is in Chapter 19” it looks like exactly what you’d expect
a pop tarts box where the flavor is “frosted ground beef”. the pop tarts are the pink color of ground beef, there’s a picture of some beef next to them, and in the top left corner a picture of a cow saying “grass fed! never frozen!”
a thick, two pound candy cane. there’s a hand holding it for scale and the fingers can barely close around it. it’s completely straight, no hook, and kind of impossible to describe how girthy this thing looks
a gingerbread village with connected buildings and mixed commercial/residentiap uses, it looks cozy and nice. in the background is some pine branches with ornaments
two and a half cardamom buns on a white plate. they have a glaze on them and they’re twisted into strands and then coiled so they look like a spiral within a spiral. they’re pretty dark brown which in this case is on purpose
a screenshot of appealing the “he/him” label from the pronoun labeler with the justification “I can’t explain why but it feels derogatory”
A dialog with “allow/deny” buttons that says “Allow me to access your frontal lobe? this person is requesting permission to lobotomize you. I would like to lobotomize you with an ice pick”
a jar on a supermarket shelf labeled “shower kraut” with the tagline “bathtub-aged sauerkraut” and there’s a picture of a shirtless guy with wet hair eating a mouthful with a fork out of a cereal bowl. honestly the idea of eating sauerkraut like cereal is the most fucked up part of this image to me
a woman working out her triceps with visible muscles and the caption “remember why you started”
a screenshot of spotify, showing a song “Gobble Gobble” by Matthew West (the song is currently playing)
the crust dough in two flat discs wrapped in plastic wrap
the crust dough all mixed together and made into two flat discs. there are visible chunks of butter in there which I think is a good thing?
a stainless steel bowl with a flour mixture. there are visible chunks of butter in it
stainless steel bowl with a flour mixture in it, along with cubes of butter in the center
a granite countertop with baking supplies arranged in frame: a scale, pastry cutter, stainless steel bowl, cocktail stirring glass with ice and water and alcohol, salt, flour, and a bottle of everclear
the post composer screen edited to remove the cancel button with the words “hi stovey” typed
a picture of a padded cell from a mental institution, all white
two rows of brown glass apothecary bottles with dropper tops. in the top row one 4oz bottle and five 2oz bottles, in the bottom row seven 1oz bottles
a spotify CTA for a playlist called “Everyday favorites” but the cover photo is just a super zoomed in sideways mouth, and I’m just gonna say it: it looks a lot like a pussy
screenshot of a popular tweet but it’s been edited to say “the fact that i am at risk of seeing a billionaire's opinion at any time of day on the internet is a human rights violation”
a screenshot of a profile that follows me with the username “raytheonofficial.bsky.social” (it’s probably a joke account)
a screenshot of a quote skeet of jay saying “We call them posts”
someone with hairy legs and bare feet riding a skateboard, except each foot is in a translucent plastic mixing bowl filled with cereal and milk. (The mixing bowls are resting on the skateboard.) It’s important to note that one of the bowls has a spoon in it, presumably for later consumption. you can’t actually see for sure that they’re barefoot, I just need to believe that they are. I’m not sure why that makes it better