Wil Wheaton ❌👑

@wilwheaton.net

85616 Followers 148 Following

New York Times bestselling author and audiobook narrator. Host of It's Storytime with Wil Wheaton Retired Starfleet officer. Husband, father, Traveler. Nazi punks fuck off.

Stand By Me Live is coming to Indianapolis and Chicago, June 13 and 14.
Trump falls asleep AGAIN while surrounded by his sycophants as they praise him with lies.
Three orange and red tulips grow in a raised garden bed.
Promo image of 15 year-old Wil Wheaton in a Batman painter's cap, a denim jacket covered with Batman pins, and Swatch, an Oingo Boingo T-shirt. My description from Flickr when I uploaded it in 2008: "Just in case there was any doubt lingering about what a fucking geektard I was when I was a teenager, I present this photo, recovered from the garage this weekend. I have not scanned the back side of this, which declares, "Hey Mon! Be excellent to each other!" and features a badly-drawn attempt to recreate the Batman insignia. I'm not sure what's worse: that I thought this was cool, or that someone who should have known better let me print this on a postcard to be sent out to just about anyone who sent a letter asking for an autographed picture." I am much kinder to 15 year-old me now than I was when I wrote that.
Darwin, the IKEA monkey in his little parka, in a screenshot from NPR. A reminder of simpler times when gangs of masked thugs didn't murder innocent people for the crime of watching them engage in thuggery. Isn't he cute? He wants you to punch a Nazi.
An audience raises its fists in unison and chants "Plummet", in a clip from The Simpsons.
Buffering...
The cover for Soul Coughing's fist album, Ruby Vroom.
On a retail display, Christmas stockings with letters on them are arraigned to spell out WELCOME TO BONER LAND.
A game by Eric Olsen. Flip 7. Press your luck! Race to 200! Ages 8+ 3+ players 20 minutes.
Tammy Faye Bakker
The marquee of Gardena Cinema. Red letters say 2 NITE CIRCLE JERKS REPO MAN the E in JERKS is backwards, as it should be.
An orange kitty snuggles in a grey blanket. Meme text reads Sometimes self-care looks like this. It's okay to rest. Be kind to yourself.
Wil Wheaton, in a black tshirt with his arms folded across his chest. Oh, he's handsome! You'd never believe he's a giant nerd who never goes outside. He's standing in front of a blue background with some delightful images reflecting storytelling. The bottom of the image says It's Storytime with Wil Wheaton.
An extremely real photograph of the Aurora Borealis, its gossamer shrouds of red and green blown by the solar wind across the skies about Los Angeles. Definitely not a fake if you were wondering. I mean why would anyone even fake something like that? Because he's like jealous of everyone who gets to see it for real tonight? Pfft! That's just silly. Go back to enjoying the very real picture of nature's very real majesty that was just taken in the skies above Los Angeles. Oh and if you go outside to look for yourself you probably won't see it because it was almost out of science energy and was kind of just vanishing. Good thing there's a real picture of it from someone who really saw it, to remember it.
This guy is in a voice recording rding booth, wearing a black T-shirt that says Have the Day You Voted for. And as it turns out, for the first time in a fucking YEAR, he finally is.
A screenshot of The Good Life, from The Twilight Zone. A group of adults cowers behind a murderous, capricious, chaotic child while he is distracted by the last remaining adult with any courage. They could stop him, they could finally free the world from his reign of terror. It could finally be over, but not a single one of them rises to the moment, because they are useless cowards, beaten into submission by the chaotic whims of a child. This episode was produced and aired in 1961.
Time for Timer on a red background. Next to him, the phrase "When my get-up-and-go has got up and went, I hanker for a Hunk O' Cheese!" He looks at you with this blank stare, daring you to tell him you tried to make sunshine on a stick in the freezer but the toothpicks never stayed up straight. He knows you won't say anything because you're embarrassed. You know he knows. He knows that you know that he knows. And yet, he just stands there, hankering for a hunk o' cheese like it isn't fucking impossible to get plastic wrap to stay taught on an ice cube tray. You want to ask him for a wagon wheel, from his stacks of snacks, but you can't bring yourself to say the words, because now you, too, are hankering, hankering for the last hunk-o-cheese, and you both know you'll have to fight for it.
Two contestants place their bids on The Price Is Right. The person on the left has bid 1201 dollars. The person on the right has bid 2 dollars. The person on the left is wearing a red shirt. The person on the right is the "Where's my two dollars?" paperboy from Better Off Dead. He wins, by the way. Actual retail price was 1199 dollars.
Eh Steve is here to say his hilarious catch phrase, "Eh, Steve."
redditor u/lost_balloon shows us his whole ass by replying to half a dozen comments I left on Reddit across different subs. It's not worth your time to read alt-text of everything this dude said. For the record: it's a little weird, a lot sad, and ultimately very stupid.
The six of cups tarot card is next to an autograph by the coolest guy who ever lived as far as you know without fact-chacking. He's super cool, you guys, and doesn't smell like milk at all. He quoted his character in Welcome to Nightvale: "If you can't catch your own nutmeg, store-bought is fine." There's a beautiful autograph, the kind you want to put in a museum, and the cool guy used different color pens to lend a sense of ART to the entire piece.
The grim reaper is disappointed that he got james dobson in the claw machine instead of trump. To be honest, we are all disappointed with him. Come on, Grim Reaper, focus!
Ralph Wiggum wearing baby jd vance's big stupid face says "and i saw one of the vagrants and the vagrant looked at me"
"Now that's what I call where are the Epstein files".
An action figure of KABC weatherman Dallas Raines, posed with his signature clenched fist and gleaming -- some may say blinding -- smile.
A simple flowchart illustrating how to identify if you are being a dick, and the actions to take so that you can be awesome.
"sorry i just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant"
Wil Wheaton and Patrick Stewart on the set of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Well, that’s the electrifying Schumer himself burying his face in the lectern, surrounded by Senator Patty Murray who is burying her face in her hands, Senator Jack Reed who is burying himself in sleep, and some dude on the lower-right with the thought-bubble over his head that reads: “Please, God, just bury me now …” THIS is who is leading the Left while Trump and his Orcs drag us into hell.
A spotify playlist titled "coastal grandmother 70s vibes sunday morning" that is "based on your listening". I'm still punk as fuck.
Despite nearly all Democrats backing the resolution, they still didn’t have the vote. The tally came in 53–47. One Republican, Rand Paul of Kentucky, voted with the Democrats; and one Democrat, John Fetterman of Pennsylvania, voted against the resolution.
"US Inserts itself into Israel's war with Iran, strikes 3 Iranian nuclear sites."
Marlowe Wheaton loves you.
In an now-deleted skeet, Chuck Schumer said "Republicans' cruel crusade against trans kids is all an attempt to divert attention from ripping healthcare away from millions of Americans. We'll keep fighting and we'll keep marching on." I replied: "You think deliberately targeting and hurting trans kids is a distraction? You think the suffering these kids will endure is just a DISTRACTION? You aren't fighting for anything. *WE* are marching. *WE* are fighting. You're spewing meaningless platitudes. You are a disgrace."
Illustrated children's book cover featuring a green tank with a red star and people in the background. Title: "The Squeaky Little Tank." Subtitle: "Donny and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Parade.
Marlowe Wheaton, a beautiful tan and white pit bull mix, does a super good sit as she looks lovingly off camera at her pack leader.
Sen. John Fetterman (D-Pa.) was spotted with former Trump strategist Steve Bannon for about 20 minutes Monday evening at the Capitol Hill restaurant Butterworth's, a popular hangout for the "Make American Great Again" (MAGA) community. Fetterman dined that night with Matt Boyle, the Washington bureau chief for Breitbart, according to Politico's Playbook, which first reported the interaction. He did not have dinner with Bannon.
Wil Wheaton's podcast thumbnail shows an open book on the left, with whimsical images bursting upward from the pages. On the right, with his arms crossed over a black T-shirt, is your favorite Internet Dad, Wil Wheaton, who looks so cool all the kids who teased him in school fall to the ground and beg forgiveness. The bottom of the image reads It's Storytime with Wil Wheaton
Terry Moran @TerryMoran Follow The thing about Stephen Miller is not that he is the brains behind Trumpism. Yes, he is one of the people who conceptualizes the impulses of the Trumpist movement and translates them into policy. But that's not what's interesting about Miller. It's not brains. It's bile. Miller is a man who is richly endowed with the capacity for hatred. He's a world-class hater. You can see this just by looking at him because you can see that his hatreds are his spiritual nourishment. He eats his hate. Trump is a world-class hater. But his hatred only a means to an end, and that end his his own glorification. That's his spiritual nourishment. 12:06 AM 6/8/25 230K Views
A frame from The Simpsons. A circle of Homer's relatives who all look like him surround two other relatives who are in some kind of fight, both of them wearing stew pots on their heads and crashing their heads together. It is entered into the record as yet another example of The Simpsons predicting the future.
Yankees suck.
A 747 is painted and branded for Chinese fast food restaurant, Panda Express. The meme caption reads "Air force one has been renamed the panda express because of the orange chicken on board." Good joke. Everyone laughs.
The NHL tab of the Google News page where a story about the Los Angeles Kings should be is full of stories about the Sacramento Kings. Because everything is stupid and nothing matters.
The Bones Beneath My Skin by TJ Klune being held by a hand that you just KNOW is attached to a cool guy.
HOCKEY HALL of LAME Welcome to the hockey Hail of Lame, where we celebrate the lamest that hockey has to offer. The only member is Wayne Gretzky (aka "The Great Once") Born in 1961, Gretzky (aka "The Quisling of Branford"), played some hockey, charmed the masses, then cashed it all in to sell overpriced vino to uncultured Boomers (Admittedly, it pairs quite nicely with very specific raccoon dishes). When he is not busy propping up a serial sexual abuser threatening to annex his home and native land, Gretzky (aka "The Cheetoh Fluffer") is busy representing BetMGM, undoubtedly enriching the lives of hapless Ontario gambling addicts. Gretzky (aka "The Great Waning Legacy") passed the baton by congratulating Ovechkin (a prominent Patin supporter) for beating his career goals record and sent a message that hockey still creates 'fine men' — as long as those men avoid the World Juniors. When he is not busy propping up a serial sexual abuser threatening to annex his home and native land, Gretzky (aka "The Cheetoh Fluffer") is busy representing BetMGM, undoubtedly enriching the lives of hapless Ontario gambling addicts. Gretzky (aka "The Great Waning Legacy") passed the baton by congratulating Ovechkin (a prominent Putin supporter) for beating his career goals record and sent a message that hockey still creates 'fine men' — as long as those men avoid the World Juniors. "
A black and white album cover. The artist is Klaus Nomi, who is wearing an oversized tuxedo in a gigantic inverted triangle. He has a tiny little head and kind of looks like a clown, but the scary kind of clown who haunts you as he sings "you don't own me" in a thick German accent, backed by a synthpop score that could only have been conjured from the deepest pits of hell in 1981.
Marlowe Wheaton looks up at the camera with the sweetest good girl face ever, because she really wants her walk, Dad, and it's too hot in the back yard for her, so she's been inside all day and she's bored. Look at how good she is being.
A bowl of spaghetti is ruined by a bunch of canned tuna for some reason.