Cabel Sasser @cabel.panic.com · 21d some amazing things happening over on threads — ever since they “shut down CERN”
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I love it when people don't know what the "3" in "Long Shutdown 3" means.
I cannot begin to adequately express my confusion
Are these babies who have never experienced a season change before?
Most social media websites implement "outbound link suppression" to protect their ad revenue and discourage people from leaving the site. The side effect is that these places become echo chambers for people with ideas like this.
“Call me crazy” on it boss
Honestly should start a massive campaign to promote the idea that there is a machine making people angry and sad. And then we announce it's being turned off. Instant global happiness and utopia.
You just know every one of these morons is American and on the opposite side of the planet to CERN too.
this have to be a fake psy op
Came to the comments hoping to avoid a Google search. No luck, so here it is for the next person who does.
Ok now I want to join threads
.....what the everloving f
Every so often I think about making a Threads account and then I see stuff like this and
you can’t spell CONCERN without CERN.. really makes you think
no amazing things happened here, because you posted screenshots without links. do the extra work you lazy fuck
we used to just blame fibromyalgia
Unfortunate. hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com
I love Threads so much 😂
Bootstrapping a text-based social network with illiterate Instagram commenters was truly visionary
There are days when I wish I was this stupid
I agree with the first poster at least. CERN really does have to be real
I'd say "open the schools" but .....
Oh for fuuuuuck's sake!
Is this why Musk wants to go to Mars? To escape the time dilation wormhole, or whatever, so he has more time with his money.
Giving Instagram people a primarily text based platform might have been a hilarious error.
Most humans are so fucking stupid. How did the Enlightenment ever happen? I know it's being dismantled now, but it happened.
I always knew those Swiss and French particle-accelerating bastards were responsible for the axial tilt.
Now... this sounds mad, but my school physics teacher worked at CERN and none of the laws of physics applied if he was in the room. I watched him disprove gravity. He came in the shop I worked in and the till immediately broke. We suspected an X Files 'Soft Light' type situation.
CERN has to be real
Someone needs to tell that person the birds around me are still chirping at night.
when I shut down CERN, there were grown men, with tears in their eyes, coming up to me saying "thank you, Sir, for making it possible that minutes are now 60 seconds again, God bless you". MML60SA (Make Minutes Last 60 Seconds Again)
My reading glasses just caught cancer.
People Think CERN Is Altering Time. We Are Not Convinced They Know What CERN Is www.iflscience.com/people-think...
They can, probably, all vote doesn’t that make you feel safe?
Jesus wept.
I heard turning off the CERN brought Harambe back from the dead, too!
Big Chuck McGill energy
These people... slept through school and learned nothing, I guess? This is complete afactual confabulation of utter nonsense.
I can’t believe this is how I found out they shut down CERN
I can see why Dril lives there now. They're all delightfully batshit. That and 90% of people on this platform are joyless scolds, but still.
Hey I just met you And this is crazy But shut off CERN and oh my god the voices the voices.
ffs
It's true. I have two watches so I can time how long 45 seconds takes. It's back to normal now.
Threads is an amazing place (derogatory)
I used to wake up in a different parallel dimension every morning but no longer I guess. Just this same shitty one every day.
The minutes are too long! You have to turn it back on! We have to go back!!
And THIS is how you end up with Trump, RFKjr, et al
Hey, I've also had a headache since they shut it down. 🤔
And here where I’d simply assumed there would be a perfectly scientific astrological explanation for the change in humors, it turns out it was mystical quantum energies the whole time. I guess science literally is magic!
Solstice is a left wing hoax
Kicking myself every day for not starting a cult and hoovering all the dollars out of their bank accounts.
An obvious reflection of the inability of the United States to educate its citizens.
I mean, most of those accounts are bots anyways. Would really worry about what's said over there. It's all noise.
Wait. Our minutes were only 45 seconds? No wonder my microwave popcorn wasn’t popping fully.
ReC3RN
It's weird how they "shut down CERN" just as Summer started and at the same time the days got longer and gas prices went up. Also. It's gotten hotter. Coincidence? I THINK NOT!
“Call me crazy…” okay you’re crazy.
I so did not need to know about this nonsense
JFC they walk amongst us.
Wait til they find out it's coming back with "HIGH -LUMINOSITY" OMG!!!!
Please tell me this is another “Birds aren’t real” campaign.
Well, crap! Now that they’ve turned off CERN, what can I possibly blame my quirky tendencies on? Wearing mismatched socks in public - CERN! Taking to strangers in coffee shops instead of staring at my phone - CERN! I got nothin’ now!
I didn't know it got shut down? :o I always feel horrible when the clocks change but especially around the longest day they should marry changing the clocks illegal, but also they should make it so that if you want to be summer timezone all the time you go to gulag
Are these real people?! What even...? This is psychosis.
Holy shit.
Wait what’s happening? I’m lost. Why are the days longer supposedly?
I’m sure the longer days have absolutely nothing to do with it being summer or anything.
Wow!
It's as though oligarchs own these platforms for the spread of ignorance that leads to more control. bsky.app/profile/cabe...
Is that real? Wow just wow. I try to think humanity as a whole isn't just dumb but wow here we are
This shit makes me so sad.
Mass schizophrenia, pyon!
The god particle has finally reverted to its original and proper form, the dog particle.
Every one of these having some level of traction is insane
CERN is so frfr rn
Gay time ovah? NAH...
Even when they find some particle in the future that affects time through atom smashing or whatever, these people will still have had mental illnesses.
how silly. nothing changed people, time moves on just as it always has. because CERN isn't real, obviously. :p
What a bunch of weirdos.
60 minutes is now unwatchable
I hope these are jokes.
Holy shit, I just CAN'T believe there are people like this.
i wanted to laugh until i remembered people like these can vote too
birds sing at night because of light polution i think. I know my ass would do the same.
The fuck is CERN?
"Call me crazy, " ok
I think that "mild frontal headache" didn't have anything to do with CERN
the threads are not okay
What if it changed the CERN-cumference of the globe? I'm just asking questions!
Those pesky scientists will probably switch it on again in Autumn and days will then begin to feel shorter
The Threads algorithm just earlier was showing me someone claiming to have incontrovertible proof that she was a mermaid in her past life and she witnessed the fall of Atlantis which honestly, good for her
45seconds minutes lol
"I saw somewhere that our minutes are actually 60 seconds long again after being 45 seconds since COVID" What an astonishing age we live in
Baffling conCERNs.
This makes me feel insane. Social media was a mistake ☠️☠️☠️
Where have these airheads gotten this idea we have magic time distorting device?
They are onto something for sure!
They will believe anything as long as it's silly shit that didn't happen.
Like...the scientists with the supercollider?
This is the kind of inconsequential, innocent crazy that I miss
I guess these are people living on the other side of the world and who have never been to Geneva too? Just for extra silliness.
Attention seeking to the max
These people are rtds....I'm appalled by so much st*pidity
Reading this bs makes me realize I hate everyone now. Like actually the world feels like it's a constant stream of screams because of morons like the idiots in these posts
Who are these idiots?
this is a bit, right? it has to be a bit, like "birds aren't real." RIGHT???
This made me crackle with delight, their brains, wow.
😂😂😂🤣……………ummm?, yeah?😳🤣
“(i saw somewhere that”—nothing good can come after this
The fact that people like this have drivers' licenses scares me to death every time I ride my bike.
Now that they shut down CERN, I no longer have impure thoughts about Jeff Goldblum. Thank u scientists
These cannot be real people.
Did the think their stuff ran 24/7?
crazy how we called that period of history the Dark Ages when people were so ignorant of the world around them, they forgot how things work and just ascribed everything they didn't understand to some imagined being that messed with reality. people back then were so dumb lol
Someone tell them about r/gangstalking and watch the crossover
I need to pretend these are just bots. Unfortunately we all must accept that beings this dumb walk among us.
Did they turn CERN back on? I fee like the days have started getting shorter
The days don't feel long because of daylight savings? No. It's from CERN clearly
For the sake of my sanity I’m going to assume they’re joking.
Watch out, last time they turned the CERN on the World Wide Web was invented
real question: wtf prompted this?! did something actually happen that they’re misinterpreting or is it just full on nonsense?
OK, this seriously sounds like a thread of people making fun of CERN conspiracy theorists. Please, for the sake of all humanity, let it be that.
Superconducting quadropole magnets, how do they work?
Can’t wait for CERN AI. Imagine putting in a request and having CERN make your vacation feel like a year and the rest of your work feel like a month. Thank AICERN🙏 AICERN IS GOOD ALL THE TIME MAY AICERN BE WITH YOU
Now that's a conspiracy theory I can get behind. I'm so onboard with this. I mean, did you see Backrooms?!
Threads: the social network for peasant brain
These people do not understand the concept of seasons
Somehow I missed this - what is CERN and why was it shut down?
Someone go and get the ladder, the bots have fallen in the hole again.
These idiots on Threads confusing CERN with the HAARP antenna and Montauk weather control projects
The idiocy is mind boggling. 🤯
Afraid to ask where these people got this shit from.
"our minutes are actually 60 seconds long again after being 45 seconds since COVID" Like, what? 😵💫
They do know it wasn't turned on all the time, don't they? And wait until they hear about what comes next.
Oh, ya... thats the good cray-cray
All of these people are destined to be future government officials.
“i saw somewhere that our minutes are actually 60 seconds long again after being 45 seconds since COVID” what the fuck does this even MEAN
I've had a "mild frontal headache" since reading their posts.
This is what leaving education to the hands of billionaires does to society. This is what the Epstein class does to people.
I'm so glad to be ignorant of whatever this is.
oh! that explains everything that is happening or everything that supposed to happen but didn't!
Turn CERN back on, but only while I'm at work.
Good to see humans utilizing their big brains.
What. The. Fuck!?
Scoff all you want but my Berenstein Bears book just re-appeared on my shelves.
Europe shuts down and England starts winning football again. 1966 - 2026 The Dark Sector
yo @kthorjensen.bsky.social enjoy the Threads check
Wait til they hear about the power of black holes & Quasars.. no one mention superluminal motion or they’ll all start drinking the cordial, chanting & lining up for the next comet. Namaste 🙏
I hope they're right and that the timeline is healing
If they hadn't invented www in cern, those morons wouldn't be writing that crap on the internet
This is every post on Threads.
We're all going to feel very stupid if only good things happen until it's turned on again.
It should be clear that Threads is a Meta platform. The cross post vibes from Facebook clearly bleeding over.
Someone should point out to these people that it's only REPORTED that CERN is shut down, and it could be that it's being experimentally toggled to see what impact that has on the population.
I've noticed that meta algorithms make even the more sane, leftist people there get stuck in recursive discourses about fake shit that doesn't matter. So when it comes to gullible normal people, it's much, much worse.
Have they noticed that it is June?
A minute has been 45 seconds since COVID?!?
I wonder how many of the "OMG they turned off the giant light and I feel better" crowd realise that the thing wasn't CONTINUOUSLY operating and it has in fact been offline several times across the course of its history...
Threads has to be real. Why does it feel my life is hanging by one when I read something there?
People be dumb, and some people be damn dumb.
my butt got bigger since they turned off CERN
I'm happy I left Threads. Looks like the place is definitely gone nuts
Is this like the new-age version of the HAARP conspiracy nonsense? 🤔
OMFG! How do these people's "major intestines, in desperate attempts to save humanity, keep from leaping straight up through their necks and throttling their brains"?!
Tell them that Chloroquine will solve it (it won't, but it'll be funny AF)
They need to get their water lead levels tested And homes checked for mold And they need to STRETCH
On behalf of metalheads the world over: you do not say "heavy death metal," thereby implying the existence of "light death metal"; it's as egregiously redundant as saying "religious Christian," or, say, "MAGA traitor."
These people can vote
Time feels like it moves slower when you are actively paying attention to it. It's why we have the phrase about a pot of water never boiling if you watch it.
“The days feel twice as long, it’s not summer solstice, it’s that dang CERN”
We're fucked as a species.
Ok manda you're crazy. You can count seconds
Send them to a two hour course called correlation is not causation. You can use the example me farting just when a lightning bolt crossed the sky….
epic future gadget laboratory victory
🎶These people can vote!🎶
Those are remarkably stupid folk. Not garden variety stupid - the grand cru of derp.
What the actual FUCK does this garbage mean? We just had the Solstice, do they not know that? Longest day, birds chirping whenever, all very easy to explain.
Oh man I need to go lurk on r/ufos and see what they're saying. 😂😂
Threads: the social platform with a gas leak
oh no :( this is actually really upsetting
I'm just going to go ahead and assume those are all Russian disinfo bots. For my emotional health.
Most people get their general curiosity about how the world works beaten out of them early, as to survive school/work. As a result most people don’t understand how a bicycle or toilet works, let alone a particle accelerator or particle physics.
Until David Bowie emerges from the collider I refuse to believe anything
This is why im not worried about ai wiping us out.
I mean, when I visited CERN they had buildings like this everywhere. If they can just make antimatter, what is time to them?
I mean, they’re kind of adorable.
The ai bots reveal too easily their concerns.
Do we even want 60 second minutes right now? Until things improve significantly, I am happy with 45 second minutes.